General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-17-2014, 10:11 PM
I just heard this one from a fellow Pastor, but I don't claim to understand why it's funny.
Q: What do you call a Canadian girl that can't sing?
A: Justin Bieber
Who is she?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-18-2014, 03:11 AM
Is Justin Beiber fruit of the loins of K D Lang? Because he's Canadian and can't sing either.
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-21-2014, 06:12 AM
I heard this one on the radio this morning -
Q. How do you know when your wife has died?
A. The sex is the same, but the dirty dishes are piling up on the kitchen sink.
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Unsaved Trash, half-witted false Christian
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Posts: 93
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Wisconsin
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-21-2014, 06:21 AM
Q: How many LBCers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have servants for that.
#SellFreeholdFeedThePoor
#DownWithChurchianity
#JESUSIsAllYouNeed
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-21-2014, 10:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
Q: How many LBCers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have servants for that.
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That was in poor taste.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
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Posts: 14,450
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The other end of the internet
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-28-2014, 07:54 PM
Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller, January 28, 2014
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Unsaved trash, foreign papist
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Posts: 76
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: ring kissing antichrist headquarters
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-29-2014, 05:09 PM
From your John 8
1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin, let him first cast a stone at her.
Ex 20:4-5 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; <--- That includes Mary
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
01-29-2014, 11:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Regens Kuechl
From your John 8
1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives.
2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them.
3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
6 This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin, let him first cast a stone at her.
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Since when is a quote from the KJV a joke?
JESUS was only reminding those hooked nosed dirty joos that they were as hell bound as that harlot.
He was EXPLICITLY saying that those that HE would wash with HIS blood would be the ones pure enough to apply GOD's law to the sinners.
So you better keep your cross-dressing ass far from Freehold or might forget Mark 12:17 and go full Deuteronomy 22:5 on your sorry papist ass.
PRAISE THE LORD!
p.s. you should totally stop listening to children's idea of humor... that and stop sodomizing them.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-01-2014, 02:14 AM
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-08-2014, 09:24 PM
Joseph Smith and Bring'em Young walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they'd like.
" Ninety-seven Shirley Temples to go!"
Bless you, my plural wedding planners,
Father Mo
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A Cardinal in the making.
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2014, 04:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul Tarzan
Q: How many LBCers does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Five.
One to hold the bulb and four to turn the ladder.
Bless you, my humor challenged hillbillies,
Father Mo
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A Cardinal in the making.
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PHD - Theophysicist Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,087
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In the Lamb's book of life
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2014, 04:31 AM
How many priests does it take to change a light bulb?
None -- they all live in eternal darkness!
| Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies |
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2014, 06:19 AM
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-09-2014, 02:42 PM
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Posts: 3,358
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-10-2014, 12:49 AM
How do you get Daisy Mae Pregnant?
Dress her up like Pastor Zeke's cabana boy!
Bless you, my perpetually engaged 'bachelor',
Father Mo
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A Cardinal in the making.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-10-2014, 08:17 AM
Q: What did the joo pedophile say to the little boy?
A: Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?
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Serving Jesus
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,470
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Godly Texas, Besieged by Papist Idol Worshippers
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-15-2014, 01:24 AM
Three of the more lowley of the high priests of three different false god worshipping heathen religions met one day for lunch.
The first, an idol worshipping Roman priest of the Pope, said that he devoted 90% of the offerings from his church to the maintenence of the church and charitable acts.
The second, a godless Episcopalian, said that he was unable to meet such a level as the Roman, in as much as he was heterosexual and had a family to feed, but that he spent at least half of the churches income similarly.
The third, a Jew, said that he offered 100% of the offerings from his congregation to the Lord.
The other two looked at the Jew shocked and said, "How can you do that? How do you eat?"
The Jew said, "I throw all the money up in the air. God takes what he needs and I keep what falls back."
God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
Last edited by Alvin Moss; 02-15-2014 at 01:26 AM.
Reason: sinful punctuation
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
02-20-2014, 05:03 AM
How do you tell the difference between Hillary Clinton and a catfish?
One has scales and whiskers, the other one is a fish.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-01-2014, 06:26 AM
Bob received the following text from his neighbor:
"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you.
I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
Bob, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ with a quiverful
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Posts: 2,243
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
03-01-2014, 08:04 AM
Q How was the Grand Canyon formed?
A Someone dropped a dime and the Joos went after it.
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