Hello fellow True Christians!
Sorry if I haven't been around, but these past few weeks have been just crazy...crazy but wonderful at the same time! Thanks to all the "trouble" we've managed to stir up in Ukraine with that little coup our black ops people orchestrated, seems like we are returning to the Cold War. This is good news for our shareholders - we are expecting a huge increase in emergency defense spending in next quarter's Big Guvmint budget as a result. Already my company's stock is up 10% on the news that we're going to get back into chemical and bioweapons production, which have been moribund since 1991 (when the USSR collapsed) because of bleeding heart liberals who want to make America weak.
Sarah Palin can see this from her house!
In fact, I was over in China last week attending the ground-breaking ceremony of my company's new
VX gas factory. Originally we were planning on building it in Texas, using convict labor at adjacent Huntsville State Penitentiary. However, the Chinks made us a better offer, giving us free land, labor and a 20-year tax holiday in exchange for a technology sharing agreement. With an offer like that, we just couldn't refuse. When the Chinks set their mind to something, they get things done fast - our first gas shipment should be ready in just three months, and is already committed to NATO for use against Syria because of that country's horrific war crimes.
Also good news from last week - our test of a new radar-jamming laser-armed
Predator Drone over the South China Sea was a great success! Well OK, it did hit the wrong target - it wasn't supposed to be aimed at that Malaysia Airlines flight. Whoopsie! But at least it proved that it's going to be an effective weapon against some bad guy like Putin. Anyway, a little bit of collateral damage is the price we pay for freedom. Remember, freedom isn't free!
But I digress. The topic of this post is public libraries, which as all True Christians know are a hotbed of socialism. The waste of taxpayer dollars on libraries has always irritated me, especially since that money is badly needed for other important infrastructure projects such as more prisons.
Libraries are insidious. Lots of kids hang out at these places after school, when they could and should be at shopping malls, spending money on milk shakes, video games and fashionable smart phones. This directly hurts the free market economy that our founding fathers like George Washington Bush fought so hard for. It wouldn't be so bad if libraries charged admission, billed for wifi and opened a fastfood counter - my company would welcome such a public-private partnership. But no, public libraries are committing to remaining "free." They don't charge for letting kids read books, and even have some music CDs and free movies, thus cheating dead artists and my company out of royalties - this is outrageous!
Since libraries are funded at the state and local level, we've been working with Republican governors to put an end to these
fifth column communist organizations that are poisoning America's youth. Recently Louisiana's Godly governor Bobby Jindal - who ain't half bad for an injun - cut off all library funding as mentioned in this bleeding-heart liberal
news article. They make it sound like closing libraries was something bad - that just goes to show how radically left-wing the liberal media has become.
Yes, we need to close libraries. And for that matter, I don't know why we even want to encourage kids to read. I mean reading is so 19th century - a relic from Old Europe. In a modern society like the USA, everyone can watch Fox News 24-hours or listen to Rush Limbaugh - why is there any need to read at all? Great literature like
Atlas Shrugged is readily available for purchase as audio books. Even the Bible can be bought as an audio book, and we are now working on turning it into a multi-part made-for-TV movie.
For the sake of our country, it's time we put an end to the whole communist notion of public libraries. We need to do this today, for the children. Remember, if your kids can read, they will probably read
The Communist Manifesto, by Charles Darwin. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you?