[WWJDnow]

I'd like to remind everyone that, since Hispanics celebrate Halloween clear through November 2, there is still one more day in the unofficial Mexican witch season. However, if you bag a white witch now, you will have to deal with some pissed off Iowa game wardens.

I got two this year, but one of them turned out to be a trick-or-treater wearing a witch costume. The sad fact is that, to do the Lord's work, we have to accept a certain level of collateral damage. Still, it was great fun!

[Des]

I was hunting with a handicap this year, as I limited myself to Asiatic witches, and limited my hunting tools to net, bullwhip, and cutting tools.

The pickings were scarce. There just aren't that many Gook witches to be had. Despite these limitations, my official bag count is 2.



Though technically there were 2 more bags. The first was a young Hispanic Trick or Treater I mistook for an Asian witch. After 4 hours of interrogation I determined that even though she was dressed as a witch, she was indeed Catholic, so I released her in the woods.



Finally, there is a bit of controversy regarding the last 1, and I would like to say a bit about that.

As some of you already know, Freehold Security heard a noise in the trunk of my limo as I was about to leave last night. This is what was discovered in my trunk.


Now I didn't bag this Gook, and have no idea how she got there. It was regretful that I had misplaced the key to my Asian assistant's conversation deterrent device, else she could have quickly translated the gobbledygook into English and cleared the entire mess up right then and there.


So we may never know who placed the Nip Chink into my trunk, though I do have my suspicions; The Stanley brothers!

I saw they were tossed out on their ears due to lewd and vivacious dancing just before nine last night, but I suspect that was not soon enough, and honestly don't know how those two managed to weasel an invitation to begin with.

David & Dennis Stanley have been jealous of me ever since I pitched a revival tent in Massachusetts some three years ago. Indeed, this duo of supposed Baptists have had run-ins with other LBC members in the past if memory serves. They will stop at nothing to soil the good name of a True Christian™. I have little doubt they bound and gagged that witch, the only Asian witch in the county I failed to bag last night, then placed her in the trunk of my limo while my entire security team and chauffeur were away from the vehicles getting coffee. No doubt had they not been forcefully removed from the town earlier, they would have made a sudden embarrassing 'discovery' of the obvious plant, then made the same slanderous claims of human trafficking, kidnapping, and secret torture dungeons beneath my homes, just like they did in New Mexico year before last.

So thank you, Freehold Security. Thank you for your vigilance, discretion, and your trust that I would take the witch directly home and discretely put an end to any questions once and for all. I can assure you that she is now as silent as my assistant was last night. Glory!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I got 105 this year.

Send your congratulations in the form of Single Malt Scotch to my Pastoral Residence.

[WWJDnow]

Originally Posted by Des

So we may never know who placed the Nip Chink into my trunk, though I do have my suspicions; The Stanley brothers!

I saw they were tossed out on their ears due to lewd and vivacious dancing just before nine last night, but I suspect that was not soon enough, and honestly don't know how those two managed to weasel an invitation to begin with.

David & Dennis Stanley have been jealous of me ever since I pitched a revival tent in Massachusetts some three years ago. Indeed, this duo of supposed Baptists have had run-ins with other LBC members in the past if memory serves. They will stop at nothing to soil the good name of a True Christian™.

Those Jesus haters were in Freehold, yet, despite all of the military grade ordnance lying loose, nobody had the brains to Red Wedding them? After all, hunting accidents do happen.

I have to give credit where credit is due, however. It isn't easy to smuggle a minority into Freehold, yet the Stanleys somehow managed it. My guess is that they tunnelled straight up from Hell.