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Default 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-27-2008, 09:44 PM

God mocking gay enabler Dave Freeman was killed off by Jesus (PRAISE) before he could pervert the English speaking world with his list of 100 ways to spit in Baby Jesus face before you die. Well, he's dead now and Jesus sure made sure he didn't finish his '100 ways to praise Satan' list.
His timely departure from this mortal coil has inspired me to begin a list of my own which i encourage you all to add to as the Spirit moves you.

"100 Christian things to do before Jesus calls you home"

By His Holy Command......
  1. repent
  2. get baptised
  3. own your own copy of the KJV1611 Bible
  4. convert a heathen
  5. stone a disobedient child
  6. stone a blasphemer
  7. stone a sodomite (lev 20)
  8. reclaim a homosexural for Jesus
  9. tithe
  10. vote republican (matt 22)
  11. rebuke false christians in their own church during services (like funerals and christenings)
  12. abstain from sperm murder (Gen 38:9)
  13. refrain from sleeping with close relatives (Lev 18)
  14. kill/dunk a witch/wiccan/goth
  15. Host a 'bake-off"
  16. exorcise a demon
please add to the list as you see fit


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-27-2008, 10:10 PM

17. bake little soldiers for Jesus (ladies, have your husbands read 1 Tim. 2:15 to you)
18. burn un-Christian books
19. preach the Gospel
20. pass out Bible tracts


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-27-2008, 10:12 PM

21. Praise the Lord without ceasing
22. Burn all your blended-fabric clothing
23. Teach your woman her proper place


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-27-2008, 11:40 PM

24. Shun all friends, family and co-workers who have rejected Christ.
25. Refrain from killing your neighbors.*
26. Don't have sex with animals.


*Defined by God as "your fellow True Christians."


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 12:47 AM

27. Denounce an aged female relative as a witch
28. Rip the clothes off a mixed fiber wearing atheist
29. Develop stigmata
30. Draw moustache and glasses on a mary statue and see if Catlix still worship it and,

31. Preach the gospel through a bullhorn in a mosque.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
27. Denounce an aged female relative as a witch
28. Rip the clothes off a mixed fiber wearing atheist
29. Develop stigmata
30. Draw moustache and glasses on a mary statue and see if Catlix still worship it and,
31. Preach the gospel through a bullhorn in a mosque.

Number 31 is on my to do list for October.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 12:51 AM

32. Experience a vision of an Angel/Jesus/God
33. Prophesy the end of the World to the exact date and hour- AND BE RIGHT
34.Be chosen for Rapture


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 12:55 AM

35. Find Noahs Ark
36. Watch Richard Dawkins burn alive
37. Visit the Kingdom Of Nod
38. design a more efficient weapons delivery system


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 01:05 AM

38. Destroy a record store that sells music with hidden Satanic messages
39. Firebomb an abortion clinic
40. Feed a homeless person*


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 01:40 AM

41. Dob in a welfare cheat
42. 'out' a sodomite.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 03:34 AM

43. Anyone who dreams or prophesizes anything that is against God, or anyone who tries to turn you from God, is to be put to death. (Deuteronomy 13:5)
44. If anyone, even your own family suggests worshipping another God, kill them. (Deuteronomy 13:6-10)
45. If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it's inhabitants... even the animals. (Deuteronomy 13:12-15)
46. Kill anyone with a different religion. (Deuteronomy 17:2-7)


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 05:16 AM

47. Find a good lawyer to defend you once you get arrested and tried for all the laws you've broken in the upper 46
48. Make sure you get acquitted so you can keep doing the Lord's work


ACTS 5:29

Quote:
But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 05:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
47. Find a good lawyer to defend you once you get arrested and tried for all the laws you've broken in the upper 46
48. Make sure you get acquitted so you can keep doing the Lord's work
Sorry, this list is for actual Christians, not papist dogs.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 06:24 AM

excellent Point Pastor Ezekiel.
47. Explain to Catholic pagan idolatrous mary worshipping cultist priest why their religion is about as christian as child molestation
48. Explain to a catholic why cross dressing is an abomination
49. Explain to Catholic Priest why orphanages are not 'swingers clubs'


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 08:38 AM

50. participate in a demonstration against the special olympics


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 01:39 PM

51. Show Christ's tough love to papists, sodomites, and other hellbound trash.
52. Start a True Christian™ family in which the wife submits to her husband as though he were God.
53. Demonstrate the lineage of Cain's wife and his daughters-in-law in such a convincing way that even Richard Dawkins is convinced and accepts Jesus.
54. Demonstrate the equal rights for homers are really special rights, and that special rights for True Christians™ are really just equal rights, in such a convincing way that even Larry Kramer is convinced and accepts Jesus.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 01:50 PM

55. cut kreplocks off orthodox jew for trophy
56. Steal Muslim womans burqa
57. urinate on shoes outside mosque
58. tattoo image of mohammed on Pigs buttocks. (I really really like this one)


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 01:54 PM

59. Charter B52, fill with diseased pig carcasses all tattooed with image of Mo-Ho-meds on their rotting flesh, fly over to Middle East and open bomb bay doors over Mecca during the Haj. That'll show 'em. Record event for Americas funniest home videos.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 02:11 PM

60. Buy 2 pet pigs, name1 mahommed, tattoo image of prophet on rump, buy other pig, tattoo "Aisha" across hindquarters, dress in lingerie/suspender belt and burqa and have pigs mate while filming video for Funniest Home Videos.


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: 100 Christian Approved™ Activities to do before you die - 08-28-2008, 02:19 PM

61. Draw or preferably tattoo an image of the Prophet Mo-Ho-meds on OWN RUMP, incorporating own anus as Prophets mouth, then do drive by moonings of mosques. (remember to remove license plates first) (make sure car is fast too)


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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