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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 01:55 PM
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
to one of
GOD'S ANGELS ON EARTH!
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,328
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 02:05 PM
Congratulations! May you continue being an example to us until Jesus welcomes you to His eternal Bliss!!
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,941
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: With Jesus
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 02:08 PM
Wishing you an even more than usually Blessed day, Sister.
2 Timothy 3:16
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 05:25 PM
Frankly I'm surprised you are still with us. Your dedication to Jesus makes me think that any moment now Jesus will take you to His masculine embrace via the gift of an auto wreck, a precariously placed piano or necrotising fasciitis.
Surely, one day soon you will meet Jesus and spend the rest of infinite eternity sat by his side singing His praises without fear of exhaustion, boredom or a sore throat.
Glory!
YIC.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 07:12 PM
I wish you a very happy birthday, Sister Mary. I baked this cake for you, so you can serve it to your husband and sons:
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 08:09 PM
Mr. Etheldreda is a lucky man. Even though your getting on in years you don't shove it in peoples faces. I wish I could find a woman like you only 20 years younger. Happy Birthday.
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 285
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Islamic Caliphate of Germany
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 08:14 PM
What a blessing it must be for your husband to have such a Godly wife on his side. and keep up the good work
Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division - Luke 12:51
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 08:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly
Mr. Etheldreda is a lucky man. Even though your getting on in years you don't shove it in peoples faces. I wish I could find a woman like you only 20 years younger. Happy Birthday.
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I am the blessed one, dear Brother Godlfly. Mr. Etheldreda is a responsible and upstanding man who takes good care of his possessions. Because he is righteous in the eyes of the LORD, God has blessed me with an enormously powerful uterus, and more than sufficient stamina to serve him appropriately. I continue to pray you find a young woman with a fresh and equally powerful uterus, who is not wholly plain or asymmetrical in looks, who is neither too tall nor distractingly short to tend to you and your fine trailer home.
Mary
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 09:02 PM
Dear Sister Daisy, I am flattered and humbled by your sweet well-wishes for this modest and unimportant day. I am reminded daily of my past wretchedness, when the LORD saw in me naught but filthy, disgusting, offensively horrifying sin to which He cleverly refers to as "menstrual rags" (Isaiah 64:6). I am too lowly for Him to have sought me out from so many billions of souls on this earth who similarly repulse Him to share with Me His Unconditional Gift of Salvation, and the appropriate response necessary to obtain this wonderful gift, and yet sought and Saved me He did! I am so grateful that He plucked me out of the masses of unsaved heathen rubbish, the Spiritually Walking Dead on this earth to show me His Lovingkindness and Mercy! It brings me to tears to think about how terribly I offended Him since the moment of my conception so many, many years ago (Psalms 51:5)! That you would think so nicely of me reminds me of just how terrible the Flesh is and how wonderfully the Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) work to transform this mere human body to the very Hands and Feet of Himself! To God goes all the glory!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 09:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles
Frankly I'm surprised you are still with us. Your dedication to Jesus makes me think that any moment now Jesus will take you to His masculine embrace via the gift of an auto wreck, a precariously placed piano or necrotising fasciitis.
Surely, one day soon you will meet Jesus and spend the rest of infinite eternity sat by his side singing His praises without fear of exhaustion, boredom or a sore throat.
Glory!
YIC.
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Thank you, dear Brother Laurence! I too cannot wait for the day the LORD rips my soul from my flesh so that I can run into the waiting Arms of my Savior!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White
Congratulations! May you continue being an example to us until Jesus welcomes you to His eternal Bliss!!
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Thank you, Brother Elmer! I simply cannot wait for the day that my Redeemer calls me home! Oh, I just adore my family I suppose, and I am grateful for the opportunity to serve Christ by serving my husband first, and my children next (to the extent they learn to serve the LORD themselves as adults of course), but my heart belongs to and I cannot deny this! I spend every spare moment imagining the day I will be taken from this wicked, wicked world and hoisted up so the Daughter of the King can become the Bride of the King (in a totally not incestual way of course)!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 09:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife
Wishing you an even more than usually Blessed day, Sister.
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Thank you, dear Sister! Coming from such an experienced, matronly Sister in Christ, I am humbled! I do so love your card, the sentiment is just lovely! It is true the LORD's merciful kindness IS great towards those of us who have responded to His unconditional mercy appropriately! With all the terrible evil that befalls the world today, I am so grateful the LORD smiles on you and me and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ, and most especially our dear pastors who work so diligently to bring the Gospel Message and the sweet, sweet Words of our Savior to the four corners of the earth!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,424
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-13-2014, 09:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles
Frankly I'm surprised you are still with us.
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I couldn't agree more, I am almost certain I went to her funeral. The posts made with her account are too smart for a woman so I am certain her husband makes them. Probable to honor her memories.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 12:20 AM
Dearest, dearest Sister:
One day, the Lord was thinking: "I have already sent Jesus, Ronald Reagan, and Fox News into the world. How can I top that?" Instantly, your mother became with child, and you were the result. God's gift to us, one for which we are forever grateful. On this day, may our Father's hands reach down from Glory and fill you with joy, love, and peace. I wish you Christmas each time you close your eyes, and I pray that when we reach our Heavenly Home, your mansion is next door to mine - and may it have just as many rooms as my earthly one does, because I simply do not know what the storage is like in Heaven and I don't want to have to obsess thinking about it.
With the love of Christ,
NRL
PS: As I prayed for you just now, the Holy Spirit told me that there is likely a new baby in store for you within the next year or so. God said it, I believe it, that settles it!
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
I wish you a very happy birthday, Sister Mary. I baked this cake for you, so you can serve it to your husband and sons:
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Thank you, dear Sister 'Lissa! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your friendship and kindness in these End Times!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ex-soccer player
What a blessing it must be for your husband to have such a Godly wife on his side. and keep up the good work
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Thank you Brother Ex, you are too kind.
In reality, it is I who am blessed with a husband who humbles himself in a most righteous fashion to make sure his wife and family are the stellar examples of Christian Productivity and Charity that the Etheldreda family is so well known for! It is my honor to take his name and bear him strong and able children to carry on the family name and bring him the honor he deserves.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I couldn't agree more, I am almost certain I went to her funeral. The posts made with her account are too smart for a woman so I am certain her husband makes them. Probable to honor her memories.
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Oh dear Brother Cranky, you are a dear! It wasn't my funeral you attended, but it was I who woke you up after you fell asleep during the service. Perhaps this is what caused you the confusion.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb
Dearest, dearest Sister:
One day, the Lord was thinking: "I have already sent Jesus, Ronald Reagan, and Fox News into the world. How can I top that?" Instantly, your mother became with child, and you were the result. God's gift to us, one for which we are forever grateful. On this day, may our Father's hands reach down from Glory and fill you with joy, love, and peace. I wish you Christmas each time you close your eyes, and I pray that when we reach our Heavenly Home, your mansion is next door to mine - and may it have just as many rooms as my earthly one does, because I simply do not know what the storage is like in Heaven and I don't want to have to obsess thinking about it.
With the love of Christ,
NRL
PS: As I prayed for you just now, the Holy Spirit told me that there is likely a new baby in store for you within the next year or so. God said it, I believe it, that settles it!
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Great minds think alike, my dear younger Sister in Christ! I too look forward to the day I will have my own mansion, with all the rooms I could want for things like my good china and oriental vases, or ivory hair accessory collection. I imagine I will live in this mansion without the responsibility of young children to care for, lest they hurt themselves or break something valuable, or get on my final nerve again, but instead I will have a home all to myself for once. Why, I can just hear the soothing tick-tock of a humble mantle clock, not children arguing, not children screaming, no one whining to me that they're hungry, no one complaining about their chores, or school work, or having to say the Pledge of Allegiance again, this time like you mean it please. Ah, the peace and quiet that will come when I am the honored Bride of Christ is what keeps me going, dear, and look forward to spending eternity praising His Name forever and ever!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 267
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: True Southern Belle in Richmond, VA
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:35 AM
Hope it is not too late to wish you Happy Birthday!
Baptist Bethany (Not a Cherry Picker)
Deuteronomy 4:2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
***There are 613 commandments given in the Old Testament***
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mary Etheldreda! -
06-14-2014, 03:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaptistBethany
Hope it is not too late to wish you Happy Birthday!
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Thank you, dear! That's very kind of you!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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