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Default Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 01:38 AM

As you all know, on our honeymoon, my husband (Mr. Whitford) and I came to know each other as proscribed in the Bible one horrible evening so that we could bring forth a little Soldier for Christ.
While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year. Please pray that my womb shall be put into God's service as speedily as possible.
Bless you, brothers and sisters.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 04:14 AM

Why was it so bad, Sister M&M?
Have you considered artificial insemination? Or maybe you and your husband could see a sex therapist?



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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 06:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Why was it so bad, Sister M&M?
Have you considered artificial insemination? Or maybe you and your husband could see a sex therapist?
Leave it to the heathen to suggest "the rapist".

No doubt you'd have him wear a Tentacle, or whatever you call that symbol you sick monsters wear when conducting your black masses!

Stop trying to corrupt our dear Sister M&Ms with your vile perversions!

Last edited by OnYourKnees; 05-07-2007 at 06:15 AM.
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 06:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Leave it to the heathen to suggest "the rapist".
No, I said 'therapist'. No spaces. Look it up.

Quote:
No doubt you'd have him wear a Tentacle, or whatever you call that symbol you sick monsters wear when conducting your black masses!
A WHAT??
Uhhhhh.....OYK...I think you're confusing me with those confused teenagers who hang in basements and/or graveyards trying to reach the rank of 'dungeonmaster'.
You know about some strange things. May I ask, how is it that you know?

Quote:
Stop trying to corrupt our dear Sister M&Ms with your vile perversions!
Sheeesh, I was only trying to help!



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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 07:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Sheeesh, I was only trying to help!
Help her with your Tentacles and your theRapist?

Help yourself to her soul, I bet! And give it to your "husband", Satan!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 07:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year.
Only a year? My word, you youngsters go at it like a randy rabbits these days! It is quite understandable, however; with the Rapture just around the corner, time is of the essence. May I suggest you wind a rubber band around your husband's member - and give said band a stern "ping" should he get frisky before the years end. It worked wonders for myself and the late Mr. Rogers ... in fact, it was his idea; he told me he thought of it one day whilst coaching at the local rowing club, surrounded by the strapping young Christian men he so loved to teach. He would often pluck at the rubber band in his sleep, muttering the names of his pupils - even in his dreams he was giving those lads pointers, such was his devotion.


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Last edited by Mrs. Rogers; 05-07-2007 at 07:07 AM.
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 01:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Help her with your Tentacles and your theRapist?
You're the one with the intimate knowledge of fetishes, sweetie, not me.

Quote:
Help yourself to her soul, I bet! And give it to your "husband", Satan!
Sheeesh OYK. Just because he took the last suckling pig at the BBQ is no reason to call my husband names. (Although it is one up on your calling him a big meanie-poop head at the time of the denial of said fourth helping.)
And here I was thinking we'd invite you again for more suckling pig next weekend.

Anyway, Sister M&M...what, exactly, was so horrible about it? Not what you were expecting?



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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 01:18 PM

Oh.my.GOD, Sister M&M - Did you really have to do.....that?

Whatever was it like? Did you get any photos of it, so you can remember what to do next year when/if it wasn't successful?

But wait - surely a True Christian Lady would never be so selfish as to give Birth to only one Child? Where, I say, where will it all end?

The horror; The horror. But remember - we do it all for HIM

Praying for your impending Motherhood,

SUV
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 03:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
And here I was thinking we'd invite you again for more suckling pig next weekend.

Anyway, Sister M&M...what, exactly, was so horrible about it? Not what you were expecting?
We know all about your neighbor's child, "Suckling Pig"!



And now prying into the intimate details of Sister M&Ms shameful experience? Why would you wish her to relive such disgusting perversions? For your repugnant imaginings, no doubt!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 04:00 PM

I'll be praying sister. As for you, Rachael, how dare you post some of the things you do. I'm surprised you're still around. Yet, I suppose the pastors and other senior staff let you alone as an example of what happens when you ignore what we have to say and sniff glue.
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 07:25 PM

Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

Quote:
My word, you youngsters go at it like a randy rabbits these days! It is quite understandable
That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.


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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 08:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Finder View Post
Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.
How dare you say such things to our pure Mrs. Rogers!

If you want to worship rocks, we can find a few to introduce you to . . . up close and personal!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
As you all know, on our honeymoon, my husband (Mr. Whitford) and I came to know each other as proscribed in the Bible one horrible evening so that we could bring forth a little Soldier for Christ.
While we followed the best timing advice modern Christian Science has to offer, we'd rather avoid the filthy ordeal for another year. Please pray that my womb shall be put into God's service as speedily as possible.
Bless you, brothers and sisters.
I'm sorry you had a horrible evening on your honeymoon, but I shall pray that your womb bring forth a little soldier as soon as possible so you might not have to repeat the dreadful task. I know how you feel Sister Mary. May I call you Sister M&M?
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WiccanFollowerandPROUNDofit1976 View Post
I'm sorry you had a horrible evening on your honeymoon, but I shall pray that your womb bring forth a little soldier as soon as possible so you might not have to repeat the dreadful task. I know how you feel Sister Mary. May I call you Sister M&M?
Thanks, but I'm sure I speak for sister Maria when I tell you that she is not interested in your prayers. You see God does not hear the prayers of a jew or a witch.

Who do you think you're fooling?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Thanks, but I'm sure I speak for sister Maria when I tell you that she is not interested in your prayers. You see God does not hear the prayers of a jew or a witch.

Who do you think you're fooling?
Yes, how do we know this wicker is not going to cast a hex on poor Sister Mary? This woman is probably a thespian out to seduce our poor Sister Mary at her moment of vulnerability.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-07-2007, 11:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Yes, how do we know this wicker is not going to cast a hex on poor Sister Mary? This woman is probably a thespian out to seduce our poor Sister Mary at her moment of vulnerability.
My thoughts exactly Brother BJ. And we all know how weak and susceptable sister M&M is to the temptations of soft, nubile womanly flesh. All those years in the convent....I'd sure hate to see her backslide.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-08-2007, 01:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Finder View Post
Oh Mrs. Rogers. I've missed you so much. and I've grown lonely without our secret meetings.

That could be us again my sweet flower. Please let nothing stand in our way to true happiness.
By the Crepitous Christ. Now Starry, Starry Night is "hitting on" our own Chaste, Pure Mrs. Rogers.

Surely the End Times are already up my fundament & around the corner at this very moment.

JESUS!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-08-2007, 04:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
We know all about your neighbor's child, "Suckling Pig"!
You know it was ordinary pork! Mister three helpings!
So, then I guess I'll have to tell the event organizer that you won't be coming after all.
No suckling pig for you!

Quote:
And now prying into the intimate details of Sister M&Ms shameful experience? Why would you wish her to relive such disgusting perversions? For your repugnant imaginings, no doubt!
I'm simply wondering what was so horrific that she'd be turned off sex for a year. The only thing I can think of would be if she wasn't physically 'ready' and he was sizeable and too impatient and too eager and clumsy. Or just too eager and clumsy and her not physically 'warmed up'.

That's probably what happened.
My advice?
Have your husband look up the definition of 'foreplay'.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-08-2007, 11:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Have your husband look up the definition of 'foreplay'.
I refuse to look up any word you advise Ms. Hellbound but I assume you are talking about the begging part that most secular men are forced to endure. Fortunately, it's not that way in the True Christian household.
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Default Re: Please pray that knowing my husband "took"... - 05-08-2007, 04:28 PM

Oh lovely Mrs. Rogers.

Don't torture me with no reply. You can use a whip or paddle but please don't avert your face from mine.

I am so happy that Mr. Rogers died so our love can blossom in the open, without furtive couplings inthe broom closet.

I await your reply.

SF


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