Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Are YOU deceived? -
09-01-2008, 06:35 PM
The definition of "deceive" is to cause somebody to believe something that is not true.
We know the greatest deceiver of all time is satan himself. He has caused millions of people to believe in falsehoods and distorted information, such as evolution, the big bang, non-Christian religions and sissy Christian religions.
Of course the whole problem about being deceived is that you don't realize it until it's too late! Telling the LORD JESUS on judgement day that you didn't know you were being deceived into a false religion like Wicca isn't going to cut it. Your place in the Lake of Fire is already secured!
As a True Christian, it is my job to help all you unsaved folks out there see the error of your ways and tell you the truth. I and my fellow True Christians present a checklist of symptoms that could suggest you are DECEIVED!
WARNING!!! THE FOLLOWING COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!
ARE YOU DECEIVED?
1. You regard the Bible as just "fairy tales" but with some good morals
2. You regard the Bible as false
3. You regard the Bible as a viscious book about a hateful god who changes personalities a lot and needs worshippers
4. You believe the Earth came to be as the result of a massive explosion in space billions of years ago, and that life is the result of a chaotic process known as evolution
5. You use junk science like logic and reason to come up with opinions and beliefs about the world and universe
6. You believe that trees, rocks and grass have spirits
7. You worship multiple gods
8. You wear jewelry
9. You are tattooed
10. You agree with what liberals and democrats say
11. You think "Harry Potter" is just harmless fun
12. You are homosexual or bisexual
13. You are friends with somebody who is homosexual or bisexual
14. The only Bible verse you know is John 3:16
15. You were baptized as a baby
16. An old man feeds you bread and wine at church
17. You have crucifixes, statues and beads
18. You read other versions of the Bible than the KJV1611
19. You believe that as long as you're a good person, you won't go to hell
20. You think sex is okay to be shared by just anybody
21. You wear clothing of mixed fabrics
22. You are a man with long hair
23. You are a woman with short hair
24. You are a parent who does not beat your child for being evil
25. You think birth control is a 'right'
I heartily encourage my True Christian friends to add to this list, so that we can reach as many people as possible!
Print it off and hand it out to your neighbors, or attach it to an email and forward to everybody you know! PRAISE!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 04:02 PM
I understand completely your argument but it is not a strong one. Your definition of 'deceive' can be used against you. You may just as easily not know that your religion is a myth until it is 'too 'late'.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 04:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
I understand completely your argument but it is not a strong one. Your definition of 'deceive' can be used against you. You may just as easily not know that your religion is a myth until it is 'too 'late'.
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Considering the fact that we have personal relationships with Jesus, that's not likely at all.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 07:25 PM
Ahh, I see. But, (perhaps as Devil's advocate) what if the relationship you think is with God is with Satan?
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The Lord's Favorite Head Trauma Victim
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 08:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
Ahh, I see. But, (perhaps as Devil's advocate) what if the relationship you think is with God is with Satan?
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Perhaps? PERHAPS!?!? You obviously ARE an Advocate of Satan himself!!!
Are you actually suggesting that the True Christians™ here at Landover Baptist may not be truely saved!?! Ridiculous! This is God's Favorite and ONLY True Church!
Begone Minion of Satan!!! We'll not abide your Evil here!!! BEGONE!!!
A Faithful Servant of the Lord sent by God to help Save The Future!
Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth. Revelation 2:16 A MAN, A PLAN, A PLATFORM, A FORD TRUCK, SLEDGE!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 10:23 PM
It's a term to mean 'from the other's point of veiw'.
And yes, in light of that that is what I am suggesting. I am very interested though as to how you know that this is God's true church, as I have never received any word from Him before about anything.
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The Lord's Favorite Head Trauma Victim
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Posts: 188
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Where ever I lay my head, the Stars are my Blanket
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 10:47 PM
That is because you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, as do all of the True Christians™ here at Landover Baptist. I myself am only a recently accepted member and of course The Lord has never spoken to me personally. Why should He speak to Unsaved Trash like you? Your Pride will be your undoing.
A Faithful Servant of the Lord sent by God to help Save The Future!
Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth. Revelation 2:16 A MAN, A PLAN, A PLATFORM, A FORD TRUCK, SLEDGE!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 84
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 10:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledge Riprock
That is because you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus, as do all of the True Christians™ here at Landover Baptist. I myself am only a recently accepted member and of course The Lord has never spoken to me personally. Why should He speak to Unsaved Trash like you? Your Pride will be your undoing.
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I don't think it's pride that is the problem, but I appreciate your concern. Why don't I have a personal relationship with Jesus? Why don't you? And why am I 'Unsaved Trash'? I could be as Christian as the rest of you, no one has asked.
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:01 PM
26. You enjoy stirring up trouble on Godly church forums where you were not invited in the first place
27. You are an advocate of the devil
28. You're a fan of secular TV, music and movies
29. You withhold tithe from the LORD
30. You engage in self-abuse behind closed doors
31. You engage in self-abuse in public parks and playgrounds
32. You've read God is Not Great, The God Delusion or Me of Little Faith and enjoyed every page
33. You attend secular public schools when you could be homeschooled or attend a private Christian school
34. Your kids attend secular public school when you could homeschool them or send them to a private Christian school
35. You think that no supreme being could be so petty as to care about whether or not you use profanity in your daily speech
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
I don't think it's pride that is the problem, but I appreciate your concern. Why don't I have a personal relationship with Jesus? Why don't you? And why am I 'Unsaved Trash'? I could be as Christian as the rest of you, no one has asked.
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We know you by your words and deeds. You have not praised Jesus once since you slithered into this Godly forum.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 84
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob4God
26. You enjoy stirring up trouble on Godly church forums where you were not invited in the first place Yeah, but I was invited here.
27. You are an advocate of the devil I like to present the other point of veiw. IS tehre something dreafuly wrong with that?
28. You're a fan of secular TV, music and movies How can you say that? You have not asked me.
29. You withhold tithe from the LORD Again, you do not know that
30. You engage in self-abuse behind closed doors Oh come on.
31. You engage in self-abuse in public parks and playgrounds That is a rather mean accusation.
32. You've read God is Not Great, The God Delusion or Me of Little Faith and enjoyed every page Haven't read any of them
33. You attend secular public schools when you could be homeschooled or attend a private Christian school Yes, but alas my family is too poor because of the money they donate.
34. Your kids attend secular public school when you could homeschool them or send them to a private Christian school I don't have any children. I'm far too young to be married.
35. You think that no supreme being could be so petty as to care about whether or not you use profanity in your daily speech I haven't uttered a single word of it on this forum so you cannot say that either.
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All in all, you cannot deny from that that I am a True Christian.
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:17 PM
You pretty much just try to slip through the cracks and sleep stuff under the rug.
Some of the questions you didn't even answer, such as the self-abuse one! Do YOU abuse yourself? Tell us and JESUS what kind of sin you wallow in. We will clean you.
What about my ORIGINAL post? Can you say you're innocent of those?
Have you ever told a lie? Then you're a liar!
Have you ever looked a woman and been aroused? Then you are a lusting dog!
Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you? Then you're guilty of stealing!
GOD will see to it that you are punished for these things unless you confess HIM as your LORD AND SAVIOR, which you obviously have not.
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Damnable Atheist Feminazi
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Posts: 58
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:17 PM
Their idea of a true christian is to hate everyone not exactly like them, spout passages out of the bible to back up every little point you make, tithe them with paypal, and eventually move to Freehold so you can join their little cult for real. That, of course, is after you are completely brainwashed.
RUN AWAY now before you get sucked in!!!!
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-02-2008, 11:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
All in all, you cannot deny from that that I am a True Christian.
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Are you too stupid to realize that Bob was adding to the list started in the original post, not making accusations against you?
Oh, I forgot. This thread is all about you, you, you.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 12:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
All in all, you cannot deny from that that I am a True Christian.
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I deny that you are a True Christian™.
There, are you satisfied now? Enjoy hell.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
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Posts: 390
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 12:15 AM
I second the motion. If anything, you are a depraved False Christian. That is enough to prove you are Hell-bound, pansy boy. Enjoy Satan's tallywhacker for all eternity.
Jesus is watching you masturbate.
Nunquam concumbo dutch puellus intra clunis.
numquam futuis, puer Batavica ad te asinus praesepe
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 84
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 09:36 AM
Okay. I'm not a true Christian. I'm not a Christian at all. I am an atheist. But how about, instead of telling me I'm going to Hell, actually trying to help me as you keep saying you should?
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True Christian™
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Posts: 1,024
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Where Jesus Wants Me
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 12:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
Okay. I'm not a true Christian. I'm not a Christian at all. I am an atheist. But how about, instead of telling me I'm going to Hell, actually trying to help me as you keep saying you should?
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There a countless references on this site as to how to become a True Christian!! I can spew the main ones here so you don't have to lift your finger and click your mouse to actually look.
Read your KJV 1611 Bible Every hour for at least 45 minutes!
Tithe to the Church
Repent of sins and accept Jesus!
Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!
Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 01:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dead Dog
Okay. I'm not a true Christian. I'm not a Christian at all. I am an atheist. But how about, instead of telling me I'm going to Hell, actually trying to help me as you keep saying you should?
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Who says we're supposed to help you? God commands us to avoid unsaved scum like you, not invite you to pink tea parties.
Quote:
"Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God. He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath both the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds" -- 2 John 1:9-11
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So piss off, monkey worshiper.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 84
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Re: Are YOU deceived? -
09-03-2008, 01:14 PM
Well on some threads you say that it is your job to turn others to the Word of God. Is that not true then?
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