Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-08-2007, 12:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
This entire thread .... with the possible exception of Tali's posts, are making me gag, and I am sure her posts would be disgusting as well if ....
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This entire thread is making me laugh out loud, Pastor, the title alone is a real attention-getter
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Anvil of the Antipodes
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Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-08-2007, 02:03 AM
But here, in the 120+ degree baking sun, even with showers and baby powder and Hai Karate aftershave, those of us 30 pounds overweight often smell like we haven't showered for weeks. Any tips?[/quote]
The Bible provides all the instruction you need here.
Whosoever shall make like unto that, to smell thereto, shall even be cut off from his people.
Exodus 30:37-38
Noone likes a fat smelly bloke. Not even God.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-08-2007, 09:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy
The Bible provides all the instruction you need here.
Whosoever shall make like unto that, to smell thereto, shall even be cut off from his people.
Exodus 30:37-38
No one likes a fat smelly bloke. Not even God.
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Well there go all the overweight folks in the world, off to hell right along with the joos, demoncrats and sissy false-church christians
Guess God doesn't like most anybody, does He?
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-08-2007, 02:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by minister noddy
Well there go all the overweight folks in the world, off to hell right along with the joos, demoncrats and sissy false-church christians
Guess God doesn't like most anybody, does He?
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Well sure God hates fat people but as we discussed Baptists are opulent or big boned or, as we prefer, bountifully gifted by The Lord. Nobody is fat in our congregation.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-08-2007, 05:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
Well sure God hates fat people but as we discussed Baptists are opulent or big boned or, as we prefer, bountifully gifted by The Lord. Nobody is fat in our congregation.
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Well gosh, Bobby-Joe, True Christians are not fat and they don't smell bad either, they are bountifully gifted, opulent and blessed!
Of course that explains it! ... an appreciative noddy
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
True Christian™
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-09-2007, 08:08 PM
No matter what I do, my body armor is starting to smell like a summer-long Philadelphia garbage strike.
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True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-09-2007, 08:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.
No matter what I do, my body armor is starting to smell like a summer-long Philadelphia garbage strike.
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Have you tried removing all of your body hair?
Supposedly "bacteria" live on the hair and eat the sweat which supposedly produces BO. You shouldn't have to remove the hair on your head, and it doesn't look like you have a problem growing a beard yet, so I recommend taking a NAIR bath.
Leviticus 19:27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.
YIC
V
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-09-2007, 10:42 PM
Maybe the reports that Democrats have teamed with al Qaeda to cut off all the water in Baghdad are true.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-10-2007, 01:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V
Have you tried removing all of your body hair?
Supposedly "bacteria" live on the hair and eat the sweat which supposedly produces BO. You shouldn't have to remove the hair on your head, and it doesn't look like you have a problem growing a beard yet, so I recommend taking a NAIR bath.
Leviticus 19:27 Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard.
YIC
V
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Actually, that's true. Except you can't remove facial hair or be in contravention of Biblical law. And the second problem is that you remove underarm hair so you can wash with your pits with alcohol, but you gotta WASH WITH SOAP as well. The French neglect that one vital step. In fact, the French don't wash at all.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-10-2007, 02:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Opulence is indicative of wealth, good breeding, an appreciation for the finer things, and sufficient funds for lipo and an occasional course of medically supervised methamphetamine sulfate and pharmaceutical Coca plant extract on a private Carribbean island where you can rub noses...pardon the pun....with the most famous Hollywood stars.
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Pastor Al!!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Ring-kissing Papist dog
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Location: Vatican City...where we keep the good stuff!
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-10-2007, 01:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington
That's what I get Delores for her birthday and Christmas. Works like a charm.
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I find this somewhat remarkable, given that Ms. Judd has long been a valued bench player on the other team so to speak. I also wonder if the entire lot of Babtwits, who can usually only count to twenty-five or six (using all their digits and their teeth) have not misconstrued opulence for corpulence.
Bless you, olfactorally offensive oafs,
Father Mo
A Cardinal in the making.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-10-2007, 03:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester
I find this somewhat remarkable, given that Ms. Judd has long been a valued bench player on the other team so to speak. I also wonder if the entire lot of Babtwits, who can usually only count to twenty-five or six (using all their digits and their teeth) have not misconstrued opulence for corpulence.
Bless you, olfactorally offensive oafs,
Father Mo
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What? I have more that six teeth Father Mo! That's unfair.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-16-2007, 09:24 PM
Father Maoist Lecher, the only people missing teeth in Freehold are disobedient wives and papist priests who interupt True Christian conversations.
Back to the point: is there currently a way to make the human body scentless, the way God Intended It, or do we have to wait for the free market to invent a way?
Jeb always has good business ideas, maybe he'll find some form of plastic surgery to remove sweat glands, or deal with foot obor by bringing Chinese foot-binding back into style.
Remember America, just keep being dissatisfied, and the free market will continue to prosper.
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Christ's Love Messenger
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-16-2007, 10:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr.
is there currently a way to make the human body scentless
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You can use lime and put it in a large sports bag if they're not too big. Of course that's only if you still have to move it around. In my opinion the first chance you get just bury it.
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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
True Christian™
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-20-2007, 12:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaner
You can use lime and put it in a large sports bag if they're not too big. Of course that's only if you still have to move it around. In my opinion the first chance you get just bury it.
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Oh, I meant living bodies. As for the dead ones, I'm pretty certain we've not run out of human remains pouches aka bodybags (I believe the initial stockpile was 100,000 H.R.P.s, which means there's got to be a few thousand left).
Anyway, the smell of death isn't as bad once you've been breathing it long enough. Get used to it and it just smells like someone barfed on a garbage heap. In short, the same as my body armor smells like after a helicopter ride over injun country.
You soon don't even notice, just like I don't notice the constant crackling and booming of fireworks displays the Iraqis are always putting on to celebrate their liberation. It's been years now, yet every day for them is the fourth of July. Amazing.
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Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
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Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-20-2007, 01:59 PM
Brother Trent,
First off, let me thank you for all of the brave work you're doing over there to protect us over here. Spreading democracy is never an easy job. I know you're getting sick of lobster, so instead of my usual gift of 5lb Maine Lobsters, I have sent a surprise gift-basket this time, containing Beluga caviar and some Krug Clos du Mesnil to wash it down. Don't worry, I marked it "Pork Loin" so it doesn't mysteriously disappear....
In conjunction with Halliburton, I have been working on a more efficient cremation chamber, so as to minimize the mess and smell of annoying bodies and body parts. A shipment will be arriving soon, so let me know how it works. It should expedite the process of getting rid of the bodies (it has worked fabulously in Guantanamo Bay)
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-20-2007, 02:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
Brother Trent,
In conjunction with Halliburton, I have been working on a more efficient cremation chamber, so as to minimize the mess and smell of annoying bodies and body parts. A shipment will be arriving soon, so let me know how it works. It should expedite the process of getting rid of the bodies (it has worked fabulously in Guantanamo Bay)
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Wow! Have we run out of land to bury them again?
Surely we could try burying 3 or 4 deep before building new Condo's over the top?
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-20-2007, 02:34 PM
Burying them uses more tractor-time, and, from what I've heard, the tractors are stretched thin as it is, what with spreading democracy and building theme parks...
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
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Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"? -
08-21-2007, 09:31 PM
I can think of plenty of worse smells than rotting flesh, vomit, raw sewage, garbage heaps, or "fat smell."
In late 1981, my wife Delores "lost" a tampon. Her doctor "found" it in February 1984. I think he's probably still vomiting, and to tell you the truth, I don't feel very well, either.
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