HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday. |
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 07:40 PM
Halloween is fast approaching, and grocery stores and fruit markets will be selling pumpkins and the like. I would like to remind everyone once again that many of these autumn fruit are obscenely-shaped. Observe the unsavory form below.
Only Satan could be responsible for a pecker pumpkin. It is a despicable attempt to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk. I have no doubt that witches also use such devilish gourds for fornication.
The picture below makes my righteous skin crawl. Note how the portly, young man fingers through the pile, contemplating sticking his tallywacker into the gourd orgy, or gourdgy, before him.
Avoid the pitfalls of salacious squash and pornographic pumpkins this autumn. Your soul, and the souls of your loved ones, depend on it.
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 07:50 PM
People use them to decorate their house for halloween. Why is every non-godly thing satanic to you guys?
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SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 07:50 PM
They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 07:54 PM
You could probably sit on that pumpkin and not even feel it Crotch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.
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Leviticus 26:27-29
27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 08:41 PM
I just knew that as soon as Brother Hatchet posted, Old Crotchety was going to show up. Now she's going to get "all hot and bothered" not only by Brother Hatchet himself but by ogling these disgusting, obscene gourds - while thinking about Brother Hatchet.
Crotchety is showing up everywhere here lately; makes me wonder if she hasn't commandeered DogHatAssSpit's plans for RA8 ( RAT ATTACK 2008!) - a Rat Attack upon our Godly (and now, Gourdly) message board
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Sinner Who Has Found the Truth©
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 08:49 PM
No she just has the hots for Brother Hatchet.
I really feel sorry for the persecution he has to endure.
YIC
Leviticus 26:27-29
27 And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me, but walk contrary unto me;
28 Then I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.
29 And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 08:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by christain-goth
People use them to decorate their house for halloween. Why is every non-godly thing satanic to you guys?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
They're just vegetables - they're not dangerous.
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Were you two twins separated at birth?
First: Christ-stain - Hello, it's Halloween - It's the Devil's birthday - can you see why that might be satanic...
OIC: Isn't it you who sees the deep symbolism in everything? May the Lord save us, I've just come from a post where you claim algae have souls! Can you not see how one small seed of thought can corrupt and grow? Was it not Jesus who said something about a mustard tree?
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 09:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
rat tails
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Brother Hatchet, I Fear™ she is about to hit us with The Whole Rat, and Nothing But the Rat.
I wouldn't even be surprised if she tried to destroy us with the biggest rodent of all:
The "South American Water Hog" which is as big as a Man - The CAPYBARA
Gaze upon the hideous beast after first beeseeching JESUS to protect your eyes:
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 09:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
They're just vegetables.
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As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:
Quote:
The squash fruit is classified as a pepo by botanists, which is a special type of berry with a thick outer wall or rind.
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For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 09:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:
For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.
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Who said I was a vegetarian?
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 09:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch
Who said I was a vegetarian?
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I thought you did. Didn't you write once that you make your husband grow all your own fruits and vegetables?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-25-2008, 11:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
As much as you might like to think so, wrongly identifying something doesn't change its true nature, even if you keep doing it:
Quote:
The squash fruit is classified as a pepo by botanists, which is a special type of berry with a thick outer wall or rind.
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For a vegetarian, I would have expected more understanding of the differences between fruits and vegetables.
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Brother, next time you may quote me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
I would like to remind everyone once again that many of these autumn fruit are obscenely-shaped.
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I am always the most reliable source.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 01:51 AM
You're right, Brother Hatchet. I had only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference when I posted the proper definition of this disgusting fruit. You should be commended for knowing the difference between a fruit and a vegetable. Most people don't even know how their food is grown!!
What would our farms be without the local beekeeper?? Nothing!!
(I should say that my bees are NOT rented out to squash growers. There are plenty of other crops to support during the fall.)
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 02:45 AM
Just curious, if the shape of gourds are so evil and satanic, why did God make them that way?
You people are more sex-obsessed than Hugh Hefner. Seriously, anything even slightly phallic is threatening to you, isn't it?
Exodus 22:19 Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
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SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 02:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I thought you did. Didn't you write once that you make your husband grow all your own fruits and vegetables?
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I said I have a vegetable garden and fruit tress in my yard. I didn't say that I was a vegetarian. We eat meat about three meals a week.
Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 02:59 AM
Even that should qualify you for knowing the difference between a fruit and a vegetable.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 07:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I had only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference when I posted the proper definition of this disgusting fruit.
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My quote comes from the very first post in this thread. If you had "only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference," you should have already read my "autumn fruit" statement and therefore used it as your citation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Off Base
Just curious, if the shape of gourds are so evil and satanic, why did God make them that way?
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God doesn't make them that way. God makes them into wholesome shapes, and the Devil stretches and contorts them into obscene shapes to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk.
I mentioned this in the first post of the thread. Did anybody bother reading it? I am utterly fascinating, people. You should be hanging on every word I write.
Here are some arboreal examples of Satan's hand in God's work:
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 08:33 AM
It gets much worse Brother Hatchet.
The French, who are well known for mass fornication and Sodomy have invented something to make even innocent Good Christian Vegetables into Satanic and pornographic shapes.
Something called Crudités apparently.
Jesus weeps.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
09-26-2008, 09:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
My quote comes from the very first post in this thread. If you had "only finished reading that uppity tart's vegetable reference," you should have already read my "autumn fruit" statement and therefore used it as your citation.
God doesn't make them that way. God makes them into wholesome shapes, and the Devil stretches and contorts them into obscene shapes to corrupt children, entice women, and assault the delicate senses of decent Christian menfolk.
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Seems to me God gives quite a bit of power to Satan. Were Satan determined to send everyone straight to hell and I were a loving God, I would have him locked up with the key thrown away and give him absolutly no power.
Exodus 22:19 Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: Lewd Gourds -
10-01-2008, 05:56 PM
Thank you for this very informative thread Brother Hatchet. Upon further research I've found that most root vegetables are very offensive and are the handiwork of Satan!
I will no longer make my famous carrot raisin salad.
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