[Witch Hammer]

I have noticed a recent influx of nubile young men on the forums...young men who may have questions better left unanswered about the mechanics of marital copulation...young men who might be horrified, with good reason, about taking a wife and performing the nuptial duties commanded by God upon her...young men who would rather rush headlong into sodomaniacal vice than brave the unforgiving maw of Vagina dentata.

These young men need the guidance of True Christian men who have had years of harrowing experience in the field. They need to learn techniques that minimize the man's pleasure and completely nullify the woman's. They need to realize that two pumps and a roll-over is far too frisky for God's comfort...not to brag, but I can work myself into a froth in less than 3 seconds flat just by thinking of The Savior's sacrifice, without ever laying a hand on myself! Then, with one quick, decisive thrust, the fell deed is done!

I have much advice to offer, and I know that other seasoned TC™ c0¢ksmen have much to teach the class, as well. We're here to help, so fire away!