Originally Posted by HellYeah
1) I support abortion
2) I'm a Democrat
3) I'm 24 and not married, and not a virgin
4) I'm a LaVeyan Satanist
5) I practice magick
6) I work as a doctor for Planned Parenthood
7) I'm covered with tattoos and piercings
8) I have a pet snake named Judas
9) I turn crosses upside down when I see one
10) I masturbate regularly
All you really need to do is plainly state, "I neither believe nor do I obey the Bible 100%".
This puts you in clear and direct opposition with the official position espoused by Landover Baptist.
There is no need for lurid details. The Bible makes it clear that Eve disobeyed the Lord and tasted of the fruit specifically forbidden. It doesn't go into vivid details about her firm you-know-whats-its, nor are we given any descriptions of Adam's manly form. We can infer that he had no belly button since he was not born of the womb.
All the story needs to relate to get God's point across is that they disobeyed. You disobey God, too. Nobody is going to throw you a parade for standing up to the scary folks at LBC (you were sitting down at a keyboard anyway) and nobody at LBC is going to condemn you to hell.
The Bible condemns you to hell and, again, not for any of your top ten reasons. We here at LBC will point out the passages that offer a ticket to travel in the other direction. We can't buy the ticket for you or place it in your hand. You can't even buy the ticket. You have to walk up to Jesus and ask for the ticket. Then you have to keep walking in the right direction until it's time to board the train. If you veer off the path, you could hand your ticket to the wrong person and board a train that will make a few snazzy turns and head right down to hell where you were headed before anyway.
I hope this clarifies a few things.
Notbothered to be offendedly Yours,