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Default Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 02:21 AM

I'm worried about being bored for at least part of eternity. I hope TV is there and we get all the channels, of course with a VChip.
I wonder if it will be just a bunch of reruns or we'll get new series too.


"Take your son, your only son – yes, Isaac, whom you love so much – and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will point out to you." Genesis 22:1-18
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 04:04 AM

There will be no time for nonsense like T.V

There will be time for prayer, and the washing of feet, and catching up with all your long dead relatives. The screams heard from hell will be your entertainment and you can thank GOD for that!

I LOVE YOU JESUS


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Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 04:19 AM

Just 24 hours nonstop of Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne.

EDIT: I should clarify something. The "with Rev. Jim Osborne" part refers to the show name itself: "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell". It does not mean "Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne", because as we all know, a Godly man like me will never end up there.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 04:47 AM

I thought we got to watch the sinners burn for all eternity. Wouldn't that be easiest if Jesus gave us large screen TVs?


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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 06:07 AM

I imagine that Jesus will take good care of us up in Heaven. Free wide-screen TV's for every mansion in the sky, and all your favorite shows.

I hear that He has a non-stop barbecue going, with all the grilled steaks and chops you care to eat, and the most Heavenly beer you can imagine, served in chilled mugs, with bowls of cashew nuts.

And the ladies will enjoy fetching us cold beers and rubbing our tired feet for all eternity. Shout glory!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 08:37 AM

I know I'm probably going to be scolded by the pastors for my sinful guilty pleasure, but I enjoyed the show "Touched By an Angel" in the 1990s. I was also quite fond of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" with Art Linkletter.
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 10:13 AM

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Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
I know I'm probably going to be scolded by the pastors for my sinful guilty pleasure, but I enjoyed the show "Touched By an Angel" in the 1990s. I was also quite fond of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" with Art Linkletter.
I would imagine that JESUS will provide the Godly shows that were on early American television before the 'liberals' destroyed it (Thank GOD we still have Fox News)

I look forward to watching Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best once again.
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 02:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I hear that He has a non-stop barbecue going, with all the grilled steaks and chops you care to eat, and the most Heavenly beer you can imagine, served in chilled mugs, with bowls of cashew nuts.
This is another thing I wonder about. I love bacon, hence my name. I know it is a fact that animals don't go to heaven, though I'm not sure where they go, so how can there be steaks and bacon in heaven? Especially fresh meat.
It is heaven, I'd expect my meat to be fresh.
I know that if I went to church regularly I would know the answer, but as I mentioned in my intro, I live in atheist Canada, so it is almost impossible to find a church that is even half free of The Devil's influence.


"Take your son, your only son – yes, Isaac, whom you love so much – and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will point out to you." Genesis 22:1-18
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 02:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Aristotle View Post
I would imagine that JESUS will provide the Godly shows that were on early American television before the 'liberals' destroyed it (Thank GOD we still have Fox News)

I look forward to watching Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best once again.
Leave it to Beaver was the beginning of the end of American family life!
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=31517


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5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-14-2010, 02:41 PM

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Originally Posted by Brother Baconeater View Post
This is another thing I wonder about. I love bacon, hence my name. I know it is a fact that animals don't go to heaven, though I'm not sure where they go, so how can there be steaks and bacon in heaven? Especially fresh meat.
The Lord provides.
He's God, and God can do anything.
There will be a Refrigerator with a limitless supply of all the food that God allows us to eat.
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Default Misunderstood message - 03-17-2010, 02:32 AM

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Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Leave it to Beaver was the beginning of the end of American family life!
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=31517
With all due respect, people were smarter back then so the TV producers could be more subtle with their answers. When Beaver asks his mother a question, she gives the wrong answer. After all, she is a mere woman, fit only for making sandwiches for Wally. That is why Paul said woman should not teach (1 Timothy). Viewers knew her answer was wrong. Note that Beaver later on asks a wise old man who gives him good advice. Hence the TrueChristian™ lesson that young people should look to the male mentor, rather than the weak female.
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Default Re: Misunderstood message - 03-17-2010, 04:01 AM

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Originally Posted by Aristotle View Post
With all due respect, people were smarter back then so the TV producers could be more subtle with their answers. When Beaver asks his mother a question, she gives the wrong answer. After all, she is a mere woman, fit only for making sandwiches for Wally. That is why Paul said woman should not teach (1 Timothy). Viewers knew her answer was wrong. Note that Beaver later on asks a wise old man who gives him good advice. Hence the TrueChristian™ lesson that young people should look to the male mentor, rather than the weak female.
Amen!

I home-cook 3 meals a day for my Husband and children, even when we are out in the wilds doing our Evangelical duty through Missionary work. The Lord has blessed me greatly and yet another Holy blessing will hopefully arrive the day I become a TrueChristian™ myself. Then, and only then, will my final path to salvation be guaranteed!

Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."



Revelation 20:14-15

14Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire.The lake of fire is the second death. 15If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.
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Default Re: Misunderstood message - 03-26-2010, 02:14 PM

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Originally Posted by Cordelia Nigglesby View Post
Amen!

I home-cook 3 meals a day for my Husband and children, even when we are out in the wilds doing our Evangelical duty through Missionary work. The Lord has blessed me greatly and yet another Holy blessing will hopefully arrive the day I become a TrueChristian™ myself. Then, and only then, will my final path to salvation be guaranteed!

Genesis 3:16

To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
And just like Mrs. Cleaver, you leave all the tough decisions to your husband. Nowadays, the ungodly tv producers make shows that portray women as equals. This just confuses little girls who should be learning sewing and cooking skills, not wanting to learn science and engineering. You never see Mrs. Cleaver taking a job outside the home.
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Default Re: Misunderstood message - 03-26-2010, 04:22 PM

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Originally Posted by Aristotle View Post
And just like Mrs. Cleaver, you leave all the tough decisions to your husband. Nowadays, the ungodly tv producers make shows that portray women as equals. This just confuses little girls who should be learning sewing and cooking skills, not wanting to learn science and engineering. You never see Mrs. Cleaver taking a job outside the home.
Brother, I respectfully disagree with you on this one.

The unGodly TV producers do not make women out to be equals, they make women out to be superior. Every comedy is the same, smart good-looking woman married to fat stumbling buffoon. At least Mrs. Cleaver realized who "ruled the roost" so to speak.

I don't want my boys to learn that sort of crap. That's why DH cut the cable.


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Default Re: Misunderstood message - 03-27-2010, 12:36 AM

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Originally Posted by BelieverInGod View Post
Brother, I respectfully disagree with you on this one.

The unGodly TV producers do not make women out to be equals, they make women out to be superior. Every comedy is the same, smart good-looking woman married to fat stumbling buffoon. At least Mrs. Cleaver realized who "ruled the roost" so to speak.

I don't want my boys to learn that sort of crap. That's why DH cut the cable.
You are so right. Women listen to that Nig...black woman, Oprah, and get all kinds of weird ideas about what is right. You would never find June Cleaver discussing disgusting subject like contraception in front of the tv cameras. Even that strange French lady, Julia Child, had enough sense to stick to topics like cooking. It just shows what happens when the 'liberals' are in charge.
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-27-2010, 01:59 AM

FOXNews will be the only channel in Heaven
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-27-2010, 05:29 PM

What the good Lord deems necessary for me in Heaven i shall accept. I am looking forward to finally meeting all my Landover friends there.
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-29-2010, 04:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington View Post
I know I'm probably going to be scolded by the pastors for my sinful guilty pleasure, but I enjoyed the show "Touched By an Angel" in the 1990s. I was also quite fond of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" with Art Linkletter.
I understand Catholics think they will get a reality show merging the two.


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Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-29-2010, 09:31 PM

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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
I understand Catholics think they will get a reality show merging the two.
Another possible merger for the Pope, 'Smallville' with 'King of Queens'
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Default Re: Is There TV In Heaven - 03-29-2010, 09:58 PM

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Another possible merger for the Pope, 'Smallville' with 'King of Queens'
I laughed pretty hard when I saw this.
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