[H. Montague Worthington]

Freehold is a vibrant and diverse community that welcomes all races and ethnicities. But as I drive though the East Side neighborhood of Watermelontown where most of Freehold's Nigras live, I've noticed that there is a lot of litter and filth that doesn't conform to Freehold's ordinances.

There are dozens of cars made in 1998 and before parked overnight on the streets. Last week I saw a "Health Care for All" sign on a lawn in plain view of the street. Three weeks ago I reported a commercial vehicle parked in front of a residence, but thankfully the Freehold Police towed it and arrested the owner before it could become a festering problem.

I have also seen youths congregating in a menacing way in front of the East Side Freehold Boy's Club. The problem seems to be getting worse.

I blame Barack Hussein Obama's climate of inclusiveness and sassiness for the increase in rebelion in Watermelontown. You'd think that those people over there would feel like they're a valuable part of the community after nearly 12% of the county's residents voted for a Nigra to be president of the United States. But no--- sassiness and insubordination breeds nothing more than more sassiness and insubordination, and you can quote me on that!

You can't even get a decent shoe shine over there anymore.

[Nobar King]

Tell me about it, Brother Monty. It just keeps getting worse and it won't get better until somebody does something about it. I do my best to alert the authorities to local municipal code violations, but sometimes it seems like they have better things to do than worry about the height of the weeds in an abandoned parking lot.

It may have something to do with the low density of churches in that part of town. Everyone knows that the more churches you have, the cleaner the neighborhood. They seem to think that the corner liquor store is their church, and there is always lots of litter blowing around from candy wrappers and lottery tickets.

Your best bet is to just drive around watermelon town when going to the local Walmart. It takes a few more minutes, but the view isn't as bad.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

I've steered clear of Watermelontown ever since I arrived. You honestly think a rich white pastor like me wearing a $5,000 custom-made Italian suit in a Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG is not going to get carjacked there? It doesn't do too much good to lock the doors as it is a convertible. That's why we need to re-elect Councilman Greg Baines this November who promised to clean up the blight (use the powers of eminent domain to displace those negroes) in that section of town.

Way back in the 70's, though, I once drove through the Watts area of South Central L.A. (Home of the infamous Watts Riots of '65). My kids had never seen a real-life negro neighborhood and I thought I would show them. The only negroes they knew were the polite and well-mannered servants we had in our household, and TV made them look all funny and wisecracking. I wanted to show them negroes in the wild. The servants were domesticated and are used to civilization, but the wild negroes are a different species altogether.

It was a real eye-opener to see negroes in their natural habitat. Like Brother Nobar said, the negro bucks seemed to coalesce around the liquor stores, just like gazelles and hippos hang out around watering holes. I guess you could say the modern-day liquor store is the equivalent to the watering holes that the negroes were used to when living in Africa.

[JennyD]

I'm amazed to hear how rapidly Freehold is declining since my abrupt departure. After all, it's a town founded (and largely owned) by the church fathers of Landover Baptist Church.

I recall feeling quite comfortable walking in any part of Freehold (except Jenkem Flats, where Brother Nobar lives . . . but that was because of the broken sidewalks, not danger to my personal safety). In fact, Mrs. Bowers and I used to visit Mammy Jones's Soul Skillet in W'town once a month and always had a lovely time. At night, even!

Perhaps you should investigate the Freehold Police Department. After all, in spite of all the evidence given, they've still been unable to determine who dressed up exactly like the Landover security detail and torched the Monthly Visitor two days after a certain Pastor E. told me that if I didn't tithe 50% more than I was, he'd ensure that "fire protective services" were withdrawn.

Seems like the FPD might have some competence issues . . .

Oh, and just because W isn't still in office is no reason to return W'Town to its old, pre-Bush name. What's wrong with naming a neighborhood after a Real American Hero?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Thank you for your vote of confidence sister Jenny, but I really am far too modest to allow WatermelonTown to be renamed "Pastor Ezekiel Palisades." True, many consider me to be a real American hero, and true, yours is not the first voice that has been raised demanding that such an honor be bestowed upon me.

I might consider allowing that shiny new stripmall that's going up (on the condemned land that your old "Menses Mansion" used to sit on) to bear my name...

[releaseme]

Can you not get whoever is in charge there like the mayor as we call them here to sort it out. I like your stand against good work.

[HTannor]

I suspect Rev. Jim's Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG will be perfectly safe driving through Darkieville. Those bucks realize it's much too complicated a vehicle for them to drive what with the GPS system and such.

However, I strongly urge you not to take your stretch Escalade there. Those boys just flip out over Caddies.

I'm going to vote to re-elect Councilman Greg Baines. A fine, Godly public servent who has sacrificed much in his years on the council. And I believe he richly deserves the exclusive contract he has for his construction company to repave all the roads here in Freehold - even the ones he repaved last year.

[Bobby-Joe]

Ugh, doing a call in the "Black Sea" is really the worst. I an't complaining, I knew the Security Service would have it is ugly side but a call there really separates the men from the boys. But work is work and you got to suck it up when you go in there.

We just had to take one of them into protective custody for wearing plain black leather shoes into church on Sunday and not the regulation brown Italian leather shoes. The lifestyle of these people is unbelievable; furniture from Ikea, clothes from Macy's, no private cooks or tutors from their kids. Just disgusting poverty. How do they even feed themselves on a 40K a year salary? Oh well let him explain to Pastor Deacon Fred why he was so cheep as to spit in Jesus face like that.

I suppose the Pastors are right their money is as green to Jesus as ours but Freehold could use some urban renewal there.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by JennyD

Perhaps you should investigate the Freehold Police Department. After all, in spite of all the evidence given, they've still been unable to determine who dressed up exactly like the Landover security detail and torched the Monthly Visitor two days after a certain Pastor E. told me that if I didn't tithe 50% more than I was, he'd ensure that "fire protective services" were withdrawn.

Seems like the FPD might have some competence issues . . .

I hope they resolve that soon. I would hate to think if these Security Detail impersonators were stalking you cross country. If these guys are as crafty as you think they are they may have hacked the DoF net and then who know what might happen.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I might consider allowing that shiny new stripmall that's going up (on the condemned land that your old "Menses Mansion" used to sit on) to bear my name...

Yes, and since the church convinced the town to condemn the property instead of buying it from me (as I'd kindly offered, at a quite reasonable price), I was not required to complete a Seller's Property Disclosure Statement.

I understand you bought that property yourself, Zeke.

How's that construction coming? Find anything interesting? Never know what's under those old houses . . . antique bottles, expansive soils, Indian burial grounds, radioactive waste storage facilities dating to the 1950s and quite possibly leaking into the groundwater . . . Of course, I never investigated. The inspector told me the cellar was fine, and I didn't ever go down there myself. You'd have to ask the plumber and the electrician what was down there . . . That's what menfolk are for. I'm sure everything was just fine; they are church members, after all.

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

I hope they resolve that soon. I would hate to think if these Security Detail impersonators were stalking you cross country. If these guys are as crafty as you think they are they may have hacked the DoF net and then who know what might happen.

That's a great point, and I do appreciate your concern! It's great to know how much I am loved even after being excommunicated from the church for refusing to hand over the insurance proceeds after the Monthly Visitor was torched!

Sometimes I'm very happy that the hippie's deceased father (the one who required that his grandson be raised by a good Christian woman) had certain ties to certain individuals in the meat packing business. My safety, as the woman who takes care of their old friend's only decent descendant, has been guaranteed since my return. So you see, you don't have to worry a bit!

Speaking of meat packing, did you all enjoy the steaks that Vinnie sent for the Patrick Swayze Death Day BBQ? Sister Victory tells me they were particularly juicy and melt-in-your-mouth delicious. (I'd expect no less from Vinnie's people, they really know how to tenderize a piece of meat!)

I do apologize that some of the ribs were broken. I'm sure it was just a problem with the transport company.

Bobby-Joe, on a completely unrelated subject, Brother Bathfire mentioned in passing that a couple of your boys went on a hunting trip to the Pacific Northwest a couple of weeks back. He suggested I keep an eye out for them.

I've not seen anybody from Landover out here, but I did see a scary report on the local news last week. Seems someone found a wallet with a Landover Security Detail badge, a bloody shoe, and a broken baseball bat, all in the woods just beyond the hippies' estate property line!

Speculation is that a mountain lion jumped them, and they tried to beat it with the baseball bat but were unsuccessful. Why they didn't shoot it if they were hunting, nobody really knows. No bodies yet, either, not even bones, but the local police have closed the case as "death by misadventure".

Are you still looking for them? Found them yet? Or is that still a tender subject?

I do hope my asking isn't in poor taste. I'd hate to rub salt in an open wound.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by JennyD

That's a great point, and I do appreciate your concern! It's great to know how much I am loved even after being excommunicated from the church for refusing to hand over the insurance proceeds after the Monthly Visitor was torched!

Sometimes I'm very happy that the hippie's deceased father (the one who required that his grandson be raised by a good Christian woman) had certain ties to certain individuals in the meat packing business. My safety, as the woman who takes care of their old friend's only decent descendant, has been guaranteed since my return. So you see, you don't have to worry a bit!

Speaking of meat packing, did you all enjoy the steaks that Vinnie sent for the Patrick Swayze Death Day BBQ? Sister Victory tells me they were particularly juicy and melt-in-your-mouth delicious. (I'd expect no less from Vinnie's people, they really know how to tenderize a piece of meat!)

I do apologize that some of the ribs were broken. I'm sure it was just a problem with the transport company.

Bobby-Joe, on a completely unrelated subject, Brother Bathfire mentioned in passing that a couple of your boys went on a hunting trip to the Pacific Northwest a couple of weeks back. He suggested I keep an eye out for them.

I've not seen anybody from Landover out here, but I did see a scary report on the local news last week. Seems someone found a wallet with a Landover Security Detail badge, a bloody shoe, and a broken baseball bat, all in the woods just beyond the hippies' estate property line!

Speculation is that a mountain lion jumped them, and they tried to beat it with the baseball bat but were unsuccessful. Why they didn't shoot it if they were hunting, nobody really knows. No bodies yet, either, not even bones, but the local police have closed the case as "death by misadventure".

Are you still looking for them? Found them yet? Or is that still a tender subject?

I do hope my asking isn't in poor taste. I'd hate to rub salt in an open wound.

Not in poor taste but I baffled as to what you are talking about. We have no idea about the "missing" security officers Jenny much lest camping trips off the to Left Coast. PDF would have our hides if any of us did that.

Come to think of it Brother Leroy and Wintworth wanted to go to some automatic weapons range in Idaho to try one of the the grenade launchers that we got for Condi and Blackwaters visit to Freehold a few years ago. Maybe Backfire was thinking about that. But Leroy is next to me in the Humvee right now and Joe Winworth took the afternoon of to rebuke Sister M&M for burning his breakfast toast. So who were these guys attacked by the lions?

But enough of this. Back on topic about the Black Sea.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I suspect that these problems in Watermelontown have something to do with James Cone and that "Black Liberation Theology". Obama was certainly exposed to this in Rev. Wright's church he attended. If this stuff is infiltrating into Landover we need to schedule some book burnings.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by HTannor

I suspect Rev. Jim's Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG will be perfectly safe driving through Darkieville. Those bucks realize it's much too complicated a vehicle for them to drive what with the GPS system and such.

My son-in-law suggested that I buy a car with a manual transmission, since those people have no idea how to drive stick. But the problem is that manual transmissions are associated with metrosexuals and Eurotrash, and the Hummer salesman told me that an H1 could not be ordered with a stick shift.

Anyway, one of the few intelligent things done by the local administration of Washington, District of Corruption, was to level blighted neighborhoods (as defined demographically) to make room for office building and elevated freeways to get suburbanites to those office buildings. Perhaps Freehold should follow that enlightened example.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I'm starting to think that it was a mistake to kidnap relocate Rev. Jigaboo (I can never remember its name) to WatermelonTown. He seems to be doing more harm than good. Not that I can make heads or tails out of what he's saying...

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe

Not in poor taste but I baffled as to what you are talking about. We have no idea about the "missing" security officers Jenny much lest camping trips off the to Left Coast. PDF would have our hides if any of us did that.

Well, that's good to hear! I was worried that a couple of your boys had met an untimely end right here, just outside my backyard!

Did someone have his badge stolen, then? The police out here have it.

But Leroy is next to me in the Humvee right now and Joe Winworth took the afternoon of to rebuke Sister M&M for burning his breakfast toast.

What is Mary Maria Whitford doing making breakfast for Joe Winworth while her husband, Mr. Whitford, is on a business trip?

So who were these guys attacked by the lions?

Who knows! People of good taste, I'm sure you'll agree. After all, they had a Landover Security Detail badge and quality shoes and a Louisville Slugger!