The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. |
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 146
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Dearborn, Michigan (From Egypt, came to study Psychology)
|
|
Hello All -
02-06-2008, 01:28 AM
I joined this forum as it was apparent to me that this was the only to save my soul from burning in Hell for all eternity.
I have much going against me, as I am currently a Muslim, a Sand Nigger, and a teenage girl, though I am unspoiled.
Despite my shortcomings, I hope to join the true faith and reach salvation, fleeing my native nation of Iran and beginning a new life in the United States.
I am unsure if I am too young for it now, but I hope to marry a Christian man who will ensure that my role as a wife will be properly fulfilled, keeping me confined to either the kitchen, when he wants food, or to the bedroom, when he wants children.
Please guide me to the true path.
|
|
Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,016
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Libertydale, NC
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 02:01 AM
All I can do now is pray that the Lord keeps you safe until sometime soon when our soldiers come to liberate your country. Maybe God will send you a nice US Marine.
Be safe and God Bless you.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
#ChristianLivesMatter
|
|
Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 02:16 AM
If you can find a husband before you flee that god-forsaken sand pit you call a nation I will personally meet you and your new white American god fearing husband at th eairport and escort you and he to Landover personally.
If, however you plan on arriving ghere unspoken for, with your filthy wizened little brown hand stretched out in anticipation of receiving social security, forget it. We have more than enough of that type here as it is. I believe there are some freeholdmembers who may require a domestic servant, however I cannot recommend a muslim squaw. Youll need converting to thwe one true faith before we could even consider giving you a position as a domestic.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 146
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Dearborn, Michigan (From Egypt, came to study Psychology)
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 02:39 AM
How would I go about converting to the true faith?
Once I have achieved that much, I will only have to wait until Iran is liberated and a beautifully pale United States soldier decides to take me as his bride.
Until then, I will ensure that my abominable brown body never sets foot on holy American soil.
Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?
|
|
Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 02:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
How would I go about converting to the true faith?
Once I have achieved that much, I will only have to wait until Iran is liberated and a beautifully pale United States soldier decides to take me as his bride.
Until then, I will ensure that my abominable brown body never sets foot on holy American soil.
Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?
|
Patience. I suggest finding somewhere out of the firing line, away from high value targets like Electricity sub-stations, military installations and schools, hospitals etc. and just biding your time. Once GWB sees fit to liberate Iran, we will need you and others like you to take up lowly and poorly paid positions in the infrastructure to help clean up after our soldiers and bury your neighbours and family members who get caught out in 'friendly' fire.
Comfort women may receive preferential treatment, have you considered being a 'host' to some of our red-blooded troops?
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
|
|
Senior Pastor VP of Evangelical Outreach On FIRE for Jesus
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 6,016
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Libertydale, NC
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 02:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
How would I go about converting to the true faith?
|
Here are the instructions. That link might not work because the domain is blocked in a lot of middle eastern countries. If so, you can read the Google cached version here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?
|
Look for white guys wearing beards and out-of-fashion Iranian clothes, speaking broken Persian. Those will be US intelligence agents. Approach them and tell them you have information regarding your country's nuclear weapons program. Tell them that Iran will have a nuclear device within six months. Make up any details you want after that. They will believe whatever you say, because it will be exactly what they want to hear.
It worked for Curveball.
Pastor Billy-Reuben
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.
✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
#ChristianLivesMatter
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 146
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Dearborn, Michigan (From Egypt, came to study Psychology)
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 03:14 AM
Thank you, Pastor Billy-Reuben and Brother Guy.
I will convert, bide my time, and be on the lookout for U.S. Intelligence agents.
Perhaps if I follow your advice, Brother Guy, and comfort several of your troops, I may have the opportunity to find a husband and be on the first helicopter out of Iran.
I will attempt to further integrate myself into the community here, if possible.
I am unsure as to whether or not a filthy sand negress such as myself is fit to share presence with such gloriously pale and holy people, but I will try.
|
|
Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 03:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheherazade
Thank you, Pastor Billy-Reuben and Brother Guy.
I will convert, bide my time, and be on the lookout for U.S. Intelligence agents.
Perhaps if I follow your advice, Brother Guy, and comfort several of your troops, I may have the opportunity to find a husband and be on the first helicopter out of Iran.
I will attempt to further integrate myself into the community here, if possible.
I am unsure as to whether or not a filthy sand negress such as myself is fit to share presence with such gloriously pale and holy people, but I will try.
|
Of course you arent 'fit' for our boys, but they are men after all,and masturbation is a terrible sin. So, please make sure you bathe regularly and disinfect thoroughly. Pray every day to Jesus for guidance,and when the firing starts, keep your head down.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
|
|
Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
|
|
Re: Hello All -
02-06-2008, 07:47 AM
Miss S, the Lord guided me to your other post, OVER HERE.
I hope you find my response there useful.
Once again, Landover thanks you for not exploding.
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|