[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Kirk,

Greetings in Jesus' Name. There is no doubt in my mind that you are aware of the faithful and undying devotion that the people of Landover Baptist Church have to your work. We have loved you since your television days and are mesmerized by each role you portray in the motion picture industry. We cried with you over Bill Cosby. We celebrated with you when you stood out for Christ regarding whatever it was that you stood out for Christ. At least I think you did.

But anyway, we must now turn to you, Kirk, to use your star power to find one of your own. Yes, our Beloved Sister Cookie, former dim star of stage and screen for a brief period in the 30's or so, has vanished. We know the rapture hasn't taken place because the rest of Landover is still here and if anyone is going to get caught up in the rapture, it will be LBC True Christians™. So Kirk - what's it going to be? Will you rush to our aid?

Will you come against all that is evil and assist our dear, kind Cookie? We need drones. We need the Tribulation Force, frankly - as you so brilliantly portrayed on the silver screen - to weed out the forces of evil (Pacifica might be a good place to start) and bring our darling has-been washed up actress with a major drug and alcohol issue back the the arms of Jesus as the prodigal son did in the days when those things happened according to the Bible. And if the BIBLE says it, I BELIEVE IT, and THAT SETTLES IT. Glory.

Kirk, I promise you a lifetime supply of my pie in return, and I am certain that the rest of our congregation, particularly the titanium tithers, are willing to offer a generous reward of at least $100. Do it quickly and we might even go as far as $125, but we will expect you to tithe the majority back to the Church. May God guide your hands and your eyes as you accept this most holy and perhaps most dangerous of challenges.

You may contact me personally if you wish. My TC passcode for the Freehold gates is on its way to your management team for your eyes only. Oh - and please plan on visiting Sister Mary Etheldreda during your visit. If you choose only to visit Sister Mary and I instead of this whole Cookie business, that's fine too. I will give you the hundred bucks anyway.

Your Sister in Jesus,
NRL

[Mary Etheldreda]

What a touching, and heart-felt letter, dear Sister in Christ! I pray our dear Brother in Christ, fellow Persecution Survivor Kirk Cameron reads this and is led by the same Holy Ghost who inspired your pen, to come and visit our humble city. I will only add that while I always have moist pie at the ready for visitors, I will put extra sweetness in the next ones I make in preparation for his visit. As it is the fervent and faithful prayer of devoted True Christians™, the Lord Christ Jesus cannot but help to listen and incline His Divine Ear towards our plea.

Dearest and Merciful Jesus, we just come to you on our knees for the intention of our Brother in Christ, Kirk Cameron. We just plea the Blood of Jesus over him to keep him safe and in good spirits until he can come to us and join our humble, human family. We just rest under the mantle of Your protection, Jesus, and we just put our trust in You, that You would hear our petition and grant our desires, as we desire Your Will and Your Will alone. We just come to you in humble supplication, offering our gratitude and loyalty and love for our needs. We just pledge our devotion to You once again, on knees, and even prostrate on the ground in front of You. We just know that You whose Ears are tuned into love and loyalty will hear our cries. We just request the Holy Ghost would inspire and protect Kirk Cameron from Satan's henchmen that would thwart his presence from our homes. We just thank you, Jesus. We just thank you from the bottom of our hearts. And we just want to let you know that it's okay if he comes alone, his wife should stay home with her children, that's her place, so he can come by himself and we would support that. For his sake of course. And we pray for Cookie, too.

Amen

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Dearest Kirk,

I know how close you are to you are because you are such a
LY man. I was wondering if you could find it in your heart to say a personal prayer for our dear, sweet sister Sister Cookie. Please have bring her home to us! I'm sure would hear you!

Forever in your gratitude.

Your biggest fan,

Sister Daisy Mae Johnson







p/s: I really am your biggest fan. I don't care what these other butt kissing women say. I am! I even started a fan club for you! Right here in Landover. Please feel free to come see us sometime!

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Ladies,

When and if Mr. Cameron comes to Freehold, it is only fitting that my Apostle's Park area home would be his temporary residence, don't you think? Father could stay over to chaperone and there might be a few moments that anyone that wanted to spend some time with him could attempt to do so. I am sure Ezekiel will need some pastoral time with him.

There just wouldn't be room for his wife - I have to agree with Sister Mary on that. Why was it that I invited him again? We'd have to work on that, too - whatever it was.

Darling Daisy, my sweet sister in Christ, what a lovely, welcoming post. I hope those "butt kissers" to whom you refer will immediately stop such activities. I may stop by to see just who you were referring to if you aren't busy today. Sister Mary, would you want to come along?

Lovingly,
NRL

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb

Darling Daisy, my sweet sister in Christ, what a lovely, welcoming post. I hope those "butt kissers" to whom you refer will immediately stop such activities. I may stop by to see just who you were referring to if you aren't busy today. Sister Mary, would you want to come along?

Lovingly,
NRL

I'd like that very much, dear. Please call me on my cell when you're ready to go. I'll drop everything. I'm ever so curious myself.

[Jim Farmer]

Shouldn't this be in the Menstra Hut section of the forum (or whatever the ladies' section is called). All these women drooling over some character that we blokes have never heard of?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

I'm not sure I like how much you two ladies are schmoozing up to Brother Cameron. It's very unlady like. I'm telling you this as a concerned Christian sister.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

Shouldn't this be in the Menstra Hut section of the forum (or whatever the ladies' section is called). All these women drooling over some character that we blokes have never heard of?

Hollywood's most Godly Disciple, Kirk Cameron, has the courage and fortitude to say what most people will only think to themselves, namely, telling Homosexuals that they are disgusting, vile creatures, offensive to God and Man, and that their lifestyle is "detrimental, and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization." For this people accuse him of spreading hate, but he's the first to point out it is a message of love. And for this, he is persecuted. Surely he will help us find Sister Cookie, who has been missing in action lo these many months. But you needn't bother when he comes to town. Naomi and I can take care of his needs while here.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson

I'm not sure I like how much you two ladies are schmoozing up to Brother Cameron. It's very unlady like. I'm telling you this as a concerned Christian sister.

Hospitality is hardly "shmoozing," dear sister. Don't worry about not having the time yourself to welcome him to town. I'm sure you're busy planning your wedding. Still.

[Jim Farmer]

Hellywood you say?

It wouldn't be very difficult to be "Hellywood's most Godly Disciple". He would be the only Godly disciple in Hellywood!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

Hellywood you say?

It wouldn't be very difficult to be "Hellywood's most Godly Disciple". He would be the only Godly disciple in Hellywood!

I think Mr. Cameron and Mr. Comfort have been sent by God to turn Hollywood around. You can't argue with the facts, even in Hollywood.

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda

I think Mr. Cameron and Mr. Comfort have been sent by God to turn Hollywood around. You can't argue with the facts, even in Hollywood.

Hello Mrs. Etheldreda,

The video you posted could not really interest me. The video suggestions after watching it were a bit more helpful. The videos from MrRepzion are at least mildly amusing and for those who are as illiterate as me on the subject, quite insightful. So thanks for posting the link!

Kind regards, Roland

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

My dear Sisters in Christ -- I live near him, and if you like, I can entreat him to use his vast power given to him the Giver of All Power and Glory to find Mistress Cookie. Would you like me too? Naomi dear, if you want to send over some of your lovely pie, I'll take that, mine, and anyone else who wants to send down their pie. With all the pie and the prayers, he is bound to take action!

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth

[Mary Etheldreda]

Yeah, um. No thank you, dear.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Well, there is no reason to continue to discuss this subject - I mean, to think that Kirk would ever come to Freehold - it's just laughable! LOL

I need to get to the airport, so um, I guess we can just close this thread. I can't be late for uh, my friend.

[Jesus]

You ladies of Landover are making a big mistake with all this unseemly fawning over Kirk Cameron. That boy has more skeletons in his closet than Hillary Clinton.

I would advise you girls to look closer to home. Your Pastor Ezekiel has more flat-out godly foxiness in his pinky than Kirk Cameron has in his entire body. And as I understand it, Pastor Flint is still single, ladies....Just sayin'.

Bless me.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Originally Posted by Jesus

You ladies of Landover are making a big mistake with all this unseemly fawning over Kirk Cameron. That boy has more skeletons in his closet than Hillary Clinton.

I would advise you girls to look closer to home. Your Pastor Ezekiel has more flat-out godly foxiness in his pinky than Kirk Cameron has in his entire body. And as I understand it, Pastor Flint is still single, ladies....Just sayin'.

Bless me.

Thank you for the rebuke from Your Most Holy Mouth. I am a married woman, but I will obey Your every command and advice, as I obey all of the Bible. May I soon meet You when You call us up to Heaven.

Your servant,
Elizabeth

[WWJDnow]

If I still lived in Freehold, I would have offered to host Brother Kirk myself. He is a good Christian, but why lead him to temptation in the form of the excellent pies of the Ladies of Landover?