[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

The number one problem faced by young males is a lack of confidence. The only way women allow you to get experience is if you're already experienced. Plus, he's afraid that if he so much as tries the "I'm stretching my arms" move he'll be accused (and therefore found guilty) of rape/harassment.

Boys, the solution is here:

Houston Press Compiles Texas' 10 Hottest Female Sex Offenders

Come on, if you're complaining about getting molested by this, you're seriously short of things to complain about.

The Houston Press has released a list of the “10 Hottest Women on the Texas Sex Offenders List.”

Next to the mugshots (for which the Village Voice affiliate warns, “In some cases, we picked out the best of a series of mugshots. Alternative choices were starkly different. So click on each link before you send any marriage proposals.”) the blogger lists the women’s city, crime and victim information.

The offending “hotties” have assaulted boys and girls ranging from two to 16 years old.

“This kind of thinking that female sex offenders are harmless seductresses rather than predators or perpetrators can set us back decades,” said Torie Camp, deputy director the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault (TAASA).
According to TAASA, approximately 25,000 adults and 25,000 children are sexually assaulted in Texas every year. Only 18 percent report the crime to the police.

In a response to those who have been “riled up” by the article, list compiler Richard Connelly added the note:

"I can understand how some people might react to this. On the other hand, it's a way of getting readers to look at the info, maybe get them to realize there are people out there like this and they all don't look like the obvious stereotypical pervert."

The best thing about being married to someone in prison: she's only there when you want her. She can't follow you around, nagging and stinking of salmon. And if she gets uppity, call the guards and have her tazed, bro. Now why hadn't I thought of that?