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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-19-2018, 12:09 AM

Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
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Cross Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-19-2018, 07:20 PM

Not a real Christian joke because I'd never be a cowboy. But I thought it was funny because of the hypocrisy of the catlick minister.



A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. Rather predictably, the minister looked upon the cowboy with scorn – he viewed alcohol as being the work of the devil. Nevertheless, the flight attendant then asked him if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.” The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too. I didn’t know we had a choice.”


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Jesus' eternal love Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-24-2018, 12:14 AM

This made me laugh, my husband asked if I was okay!!


John 3:5
5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-30-2018, 10:22 PM

What do you call a Chinese aqua-lab full of researchers?


A chink-tank.


I bathed my sins in the blood of Christ coming out of His ... wherever. You know.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-23-2018, 03:29 AM

This one is more of an observation than a joke.


Q: What did Peter Fonda's son say when Peter made the pedophile comment?


A: So that's where I get it from!




It goes to show that liberal celebrities never grow up and continue their repugnant perversions down the jeans!


I bathed my sins in the blood of Christ coming out of His ... wherever. You know.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-27-2018, 05:27 AM

How was it determined the Tibetan lice infestation came from Hungary?

They came from Buddha-pest.


I bathed my sins in the blood of Christ coming out of His ... wherever. You know.
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Smile Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-27-2018, 05:45 PM

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-30-2018, 02:00 AM

Adam's first words after seeing Eve for the first time -

"Stand back, I'm not sure how big this thing is going to get".


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 07-04-2018, 08:26 PM

What do you call a pack of unwashed pigs infesting the USA?

Immi-grunts.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 07-06-2018, 11:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
Adam's first words after seeing Eve for the first time -

"Stand back, I'm not sure how big this thing is going to get".
I wonder if Adam had waited until Eve had been around for 18 years. Talk about a jailbait wait.
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Grammar Nazi Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 07-06-2018, 06:19 PM

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 07-07-2018, 03:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Ha ha ha! This reminds me of 8 years of Obama followed by 1 year of Trump. Denied! I wish I could see the look on their ugly faces OMG! I don't care if I have to drink liquid lead for the rest of my life!! LOL
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 08-08-2018, 01:00 AM

One day, a woman walked into a restroom, and found herself facing a white older man at the urinal having a tinkle. Suddenly she broke down.

"It must be very awkward seeing me in here, but truthfully sir, I don't feel comfortable using the ladies room, because you see, it's against the law, as I'm...transgender."

The older man zipped up his fly and turned back with a hand on her shoulder and said, "Me too."


I bathed my sins in the blood of Christ coming out of His ... wherever. You know.
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Cool Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 08-08-2018, 08:44 PM

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 08-12-2018, 02:00 AM

What happened to the Nobel Peace Prize winner who drowned in chip dip?



He was awarded post hummusly.


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew Angina (DIED IN A FIRE) Scooter Bud Carson Bobby (DIED IN A FIRE) Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-24-2018, 10:55 PM

Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people they were slaves before drug dealers.

A Democrat with an enlarged tallywhacker (probably looking at pictures of Hillary Clinton) runs into a wall, what breaks first? His nose.

How many genders are there? One: Men. Women are property.


CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 01-10-2019, 11:14 PM

Why is it impossible to be in a lesbian relationship?
Because properties can't own each other



CANCER is a state of mind! Time to stop ALL healthcare!!!
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Cool Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 01-12-2019, 02:14 PM

How do four gay queers fit on a single bar stool?

They flip it upside down.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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African Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 01-12-2019, 03:48 PM

How long does it take a negress to have a bowel movement?

9 months.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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