[RevColinJamesTodd]

Fellow brothers in Christ,

Today I talk to you, not as a Pastor, but as a friend.

You know, it is easy to ignore your other half. To take her for granted. To never listen what she has to say. Yes, I know 9 times out of 10 what she has to say is generally unimportant. Yes, I know it is easy to just ‘switch off’ to her constant yammering. It is easy to just nod acceptingly when she talks, and ignore every single grating word that comes out of her sweet irritating little mouth.

But I urge you, brothers in Christ, to LISTEN to your wives! Yes, I know it is a lot to ask for. But on the odd occasion when she DOES have something important to tell you, and you ignore her, it may have dire consequences.

Just imagine what would happen if you came home one night to your wife, never listened to one word she had to tell you, and just dragged her off to bed to carry out your marital pleasure on her. What if she had her ‘curse’, and that was what she was trying to tell you? And you ignored her? You would be unclean like her for almost a week, and not be able to talk to any of your friends for almost a week, in case you made them unclean too! All because you never listened to your wife!

Let me illustrate my point with THIS true story that happened to me –

Last summer we had wonderful weather here in Massachusetts. One particularly warm summer’s day I was out in the garden, tending to the vegetables, when I saw this little ball of fluff running across the grass. A playful little kitten. I remember looking towards the house, seeing the look in my wife’s eyes, as I walked towards the little furry fuzz ball.

At first the cat was wary of me, but I knelt down to it’s level and started making encouraging ‘purring’ noises, and soon the kitten started to warm to me. I remember distinctly crawling across the grass making cat noises, as it moved cautiously towards me. Then it reaching to me, and rubbing it’s head against my hand, purring contently. The filthy Godless creature never saw it coming…

I grabbed it by the throat, and slammed 5 hard rapid punches into the face! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! … and the vicious little thug did THIS to me ….



You know, my wife is afraid of cats. She has nightmares about them every night. Every time a cat comes into out back yard, my wife starts shaking uncontrollably and screaming. I used to think she was just being a typical irrational woman. She always warned me how filthy and dangerous those creatures could be, but I never listened. And look where it got me. My arm was sore for days, all because I never listened to what she had to say.

Now I listen to my wife. I put up some ‘No Trespassing’ warning signs, stating that all cats must keep out of our property. Setting cat traps around our perimeter. I start each morning by putting more poison down in the back yard, and gathering the dead cats from the night before. Now my wife has a happier life, and she is able to leave the house and go into the garden without fear of disease or attack. Glory!

So I hope you heed my message, brothers in Christ. Listen to your wives! I am NOT asking you to agree with them, or even respect their opinions. But LISTEN! Who knows, maybe one day she’ll have something important to say, that DOES make sense.


In Christ,

Rev C J Todd
God’s Hammer

[Old Iron Crotch]

You attack an animal and are surprised when it defends itself?

There's a very easy way to keep cats off your property - spray the boundaries with citronella - cats don't like the smell of it and they'll avoid it - an added bonus is that also repels mosquitoes.

[Justina Thyme]

You're missing the point here. The good Reverend is saying that, however tedious her babble may be, a man's wife may occasionally contribute something of value via her words.

Thank you, though, for the advice about citronella.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Dances with Joy

There's a very easy way to keep cats off your property - spray the boundaries with citronella - cats don't like the smell of it and they'll avoid it - an added bonus is that also repels mosquitoes.

I was thinking about this one. The fault seems to lie with the fact that the boundaries are large and citronella sprayed around them would just evaporate and the mosquitoes and cats would be back.

And then it struck me! Soak cats in citronella and hang ‘em up by their tails from the trees. That should last a few weeks until you need new cats. Job done!


Well done Dances with Joy, you just didn’t take the idea far enough.

[Nobar King]

Praise, brother Bathfire! Maybe this would work with dogs, too.

[ForGodsSake]

Maybe setting the wretched animals alight after you dump them into the citronella. Might not work for the long run but the oder might keep them away as well.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I was thinking about this one. The fault seems to lie with the fact that the boundaries are large and citronella sprayed around them would just evaporate and the mosquitoes and cats would be back.

And then it struck me! Soak cats in citronella and hang ‘em up by their tails from the trees. That should last a few weeks until you need new cats. Job done!


Well done Dances with Joy, you just didn’t take the idea far enough.

You are one <profanity edited> piffle.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I was thinking about this one. The fault seems to lie with the fact that the boundaries are large and citronella sprayed around them would just evaporate and the mosquitoes and cats would be back.

And then it struck me! Soak cats in citronella and hang ‘em up by their tails from the trees. That should last a few weeks until you need new cats. Job done!


Well done Dances with Joy, you just didn’t take the idea far enough.

Originally Posted by ForGodsSake

Maybe setting the wretched animals alight after you dump them into the citronella. Might not work for the long run but the oder might keep them away as well.

That is against the law as it is considered animal cruelty. That is wrong. Find a better solution that would help him out and solve the problem where it does not involve hurting the animal.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

That is against the law as it is considered animal cruelty. That is wrong. Find a better solution that would help him out and solve the problem where it does not involve hurting the animal.

Well I don't know what trailer park you live in, but in Freehold animal cruelty is not against the law.

I mean how stupid can you get? Who's going to press charges? The wife of the cockroach I stepped on? The mother of the bacon I had for breakfast? Give me a break!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

That is against the law as it is considered animal cruelty. That is wrong. Find a better solution that would help him out and solve the problem where it does not involve hurting the animal.

DogSpitAsshat, Quite frankly, you need to be Saved. You need to see the world as it is and not as it should be.

You go around with "Fluffy bunny" ideas in that pretty little female mind of yours. Out here is the real world, as Created by The Lord of Hosts, there are real-life problems to be solved by the application of Godly Wisdom as shown to us in The Bible.

The Bible teaches us that God will stop at nothing to have His way - the way that leads to Salvation - and the odd cat is neither here nor their when Man's (and probably woman's) soul is at stake.

Why, you must recall the story of Jephthah, who made a promise to God that he would sacrifice, as a burnt offering the first thing that came out of his house, if The Lord helped him defeat the Ammonites?

J'g:11:30: And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
J'g:11:31: Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.

Well, as you might expect, with God on his side (like the USA has nowadays) Jephthah wins and comes home...

J'g:11:34: And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.
[...]
J'g:11:39: And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed:

So he burns her as a sacrifice! Praise! Glory! So there you have it, the odd burning cat is nothing; burning children is fine by God.

This is what Christ commands you to accept.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

DogSpitAsshat, Quite frankly, you need to be Saved. You need to see the world as it is and not as it should be.

You go around with "Fluffy bunny" ideas in that pretty little female mind of yours. Out here is the real world, as Created by The Lord of Hosts, there are real-life problems to be solved by the application of Godly Wisdom as shown to us in The Bible.

The Bible teaches us that God will stop at nothing to have His way - the way that leads to Salvation - and the odd cat is neither here nor their when Man's (and probably woman's) soul is at stake.

Why, you must recall the story of Jephthah, who made a promise to God that he would sacrifice, as a burnt offering the first thing that came out of his house, if The Lord helped him defeat the Ammonites?

J'g:11:30: And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
J'g:11:31: Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.

Well, as you might expect, with God on his side (like the USA has nowadays) Jephthah wins and comes home...

J'g:11:34: And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter.
[...]
J'g:11:39: And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed:

So he burns her as a sacrifice! Praise! Glory! So there you have it, the odd burning cat is nothing; burning children is fine by God.

This is what Christ commands you to accept.

I could never accept a god that allows children to be sacrificed in his honor.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

I could never accept a god that allows children to be sacrificed in his honor.

Good, then you may accept Jesus Christ.

If you had read the story and had not been suffering from the demons of ADHD and run out of Ritalin, you would have seen that our hero Jephthah makes the deal with God - a rash deal - but goes through with it. So it was Jephthah who burnt his child. God just sat there with His Holy and Perfect Eyebrows raised.

The lesson from this piece of history is not to make ill-defined contracts with God for all such contracts must be obeyed to the letter. Jephthah would have been better specifying the sacrifice at the start.

A lesson to us all and, seeing how many of there are of us, and how many there have been, I bet you now agree that it was cheap at the price.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Good, then you may accept Jesus Christ.

If you had read the story and had not been suffering from the demons of ADHD and run out of Ritalin, you would have seen that our hero Jephthah makes the deal with God - a rash deal - but goes through with it. So it was Jephthah who burnt his child. God just sat there with His Holy and Perfect Eyebrows raised.

A god who would sit idly by while children were being slain in his honor is not worthy of worship.

The lesson from this piece of history is not to make ill-defined contracts with God for all such contracts must be obeyed to the letter. Jephthah would have been better specifying the sacrifice at the start.

He would have been better off woshipping a god that did not demand to be paid off in blood.

A lesson to us all and, seeing how many of there are of us, and how many there have been, I bet you now agree that it was cheap at the price.

That last sentence makes no sense at all.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Well I don't know what trailer park you live in, but in Freehold animal cruelty is not against the law.

I mean how stupid can you get? Who's going to press charges? The wife of the cockroach I stepped on? The mother of the bacon I had for breakfast? Give me a break!

Have you ever seen Animal Planet? Where they have cops that protect animals form abuse. They are equal to us and have feelings and souls like us. They were here before humans were ever created. I live in the real world. Where do you live, Venus?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Old Iron Crotch

A god who would sit idly by while children were being slain in his honor is not worthy of worship.

You simply didn’t READ it did you! Jephthah swears to God that in the event of his victory he will sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house – his daughter came out first! – It was part of a deal!

The lesson from this piece of history is not to make ill-defined contracts with God for all such contracts must be obeyed to the letter. Jephthah would have been better specifying the sacrifice at the start.

He would have been better off worshipping a god that did not demand to be paid off in blood.

Neither you nor I can believe that – Jephthah was off to slaughter a few thousand Ammonites for the glory of God and Judah! If you go into battle with a false God behind you, or a lack of Faith – you lose!

A lesson to us all and, seeing how many of there are of us, and how many there have been, I bet you now agree that it was cheap at the price.

That last sentence makes no sense at all.

I’m not at all sure where to start here! I’m dealing with you and DogSpit – it’s like teaching the retard class! The sentence is clear, it asks you to consider how many people there have been on earth since Jephthah sacrificed his daughter and to consider how many there are on earth now! The lesson of Jephthah has served all of them and the cost, proportionally, was very small.

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

Have you ever seen Animal Planet?

Is that like that Darwinista film, “Planet of The Apes”?

Where they have cops that protect animals form abuse.

What’s “form abuse? Is it where you hit them with IRS forms?

They are equal to us and have feelings and souls like us.

Who, the cops? Well of course cops have souls!

They were here before humans were ever created.

What would be the use of cops before there were any people? And how could humans (cops) be here before humans? You’re an idiot!

I live in the real world.

The evidence is against it – you dance round trees hoping that will make it a better world – I would need a visa to visit your world.

Where do you live, Venus?

I think the common saying is that men are from Mars, it's women who are from Venus. (This is of course all rubbish, God created us all) You know where I live – Landover, Iowa!

Anyway, I’ve a good experiment coming up involving dolphins and the Mojave Desert and I have to go off and do some preparation.

Both of you, try and think before you write – it would be helpful.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

You simply didn’t READ it did you! Jephthah swears to God that in the event of his victory he will sacrifice the first thing that came out of his house – his daughter came out first! – It was part of a deal!

The lesson from this piece of history is not to make ill-defined contracts with God for all such contracts must be obeyed to the letter. Jephthah would have been better specifying the sacrifice at the start.

Neither you nor I can believe that – Jephthah was off to slaughter a few thousand Ammonites for the glory of God and Judah! If you go into battle with a false God behind you, or a lack of Faith – you lose!

I’m not at all sure where to start here! I’m dealing with you and DogSpit – it’s like teaching the retard class! The sentence is clear, it asks you to consider how many people there have been on earth since Jephthah sacrificed his daughter and to consider how many there are on earth now! The lesson of Jephthah has served all of them and the cost, proportionally, was very small.


Is that like that Darwinista film, “Planet of The Apes”?

What’s “form abuse? Is it where you hit them with IRS forms?

Who, the cops? Well of course cops have souls!

What would be the use of cops before there were any people? And how could humans (cops) be here before humans? You’re an idiot!

The evidence is against it – you dance round trees hoping that will make it a better world – I would need a visa to visit your world.

I think the common saying is that men are from Mars, it's women who are from Venus. (This is of course all rubbish, God created us all) You know where I live – Landover, Iowa!


Anyway, I’ve a good experiment coming up involving dolphins and the Mojave Desert and I have to go off and do some preparation.

Both of you, try and think before you write – it would be helpful.

No I meant that there are cops that protect animals. No, a t.v channel that has shows on there about animals. You people are the idiots if you do not know what Animal Planet is. No I meant that the animals were here before humans were created. I type fast so I mess up some times you idiot! I think your the one that lives in a fantasy world. I do not dance around trees.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Pastor E. He called me an idiot so I was returning the favor.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

Pastor E. He called me an idiot so I was returning the favor.

Well you are an idiot. Jesus commands us to only speak the truth.

If you want to hang around with liars, go to the Democrats forum.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Well you are an idiot. Jesus commands us to only speak the truth.

If you want to hang around with liars, go to the Democrats forum.

No I am not. He was not speaking the truth. I am not a Democrat. I am Independent. I think every political party lies, so that is why I chose to be independent.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

No I meant that there are cops that protect animals. No, a t.v channel that has shows on there about animals. You people are the idiots if you do not know what Animal Planet is. No I meant that the animals were here before humans were created. I type fast so I mess up some times you idiot! I think your the one that lives in a fantasy world. I do not dance around trees.

That "Animal Cops" show on Animal Planet is a complete work of fiction, just like any of the other numerous "cop" shows on TV like Hawaii Five-Oh and CHIPS. Where in the United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights does it mention anything about animals? It is some kind of PITA dream that was started by the LIEbrals to undermine the teachings of the Bible (KJV1611) and Genesis where God gives man dominion over all the animals.

While we're on the subject of Animal Planet, it was started by the LIEbrals as a cheap channel where the "animals" do all the acting so that they don't have to pay actors a living wage to produce real programs. The LIEbrals like to make you think that they are on the side of the "working man", but nothing could be further from the truth. They are doing nothing but putting actors out of work.

But I digress, this seems to be another thread that was derailed by someone – probably Old Iron Crotch. We were talking about cats, and I am violently allergic to them and I sympathize with Rev. Todd.

I've always loved the electric bug zappers and maintain about a dozen of them for deployment in my back yard during the summer. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing that sharp crackle as another troublesome insect gets dispatched. I'm thinking that these devices could easily be scaled to accommodate cats.