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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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NuclearWalrusNetwork NuclearWalrusNetwork is offline
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NuclearWalrusNetwork is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default The story of NuclearWalrusNetwork - 05-17-2017, 05:46 PM

As a Walrus, I come from the far north, where my people are persecuted and even killed by Snow Indians who do not know Jesus. So we led an Exodus to the Holy Land, Landover Baptist Church, where I enrolled at their university, and became an advocate to end Christian persecution by people such as Snow Indians, Mooselambs, Homosexuals, Demonrats, Pagans, and all other heathens.

Now, studying Creation Science, I work as a Christian Media Inspector on the side. My job is to determine which pop cultures are for us saved Christians, and which are for the liberal heathens. You'd be suprised how difficult that is.


Some of you may wonder how a Walrus can speak and use a computer, or how someone like me was even saved. Well, long ago, a missionary from Landover came to the north in an effort to try and spread the Lord's word to the Snow Indians. The heretics didn't listen, but I did. And that night, while I slept, God came to me and said "Man or Walrus, you are all my children. And you are the first of your kind to see the Light, and I bless you with the gift of knowledge." And so I had knowledge.


When I finish my studies, I'm going to travel the world, and show the rest of the animal kingdom the Lord's Word, for God chose me to be their ambassador to mankind.


As for my favorite Bible verse, that's very difficult to decide, considering that it's quite literally the best book ever written. And as a science major, I enjoy interpreting Genesis. So I'd say Genesis 1:1, the beginning of everything.
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I Man Rastafari's Avatar
I Man Rastafari I Man Rastafari is offline
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Default Re: The story of NuclearWalrusNetwork - 05-17-2017, 06:24 PM

I am not a Baptist and not a true member of this forum but I am from Jamaica so I can tell a lying white man when I see one. You are no more a walrus than I am and you are a liar. I fear you will not be well accepted here.


Sing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4
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Default Re: The story of NuclearWalrusNetwork - 05-18-2017, 04:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NuclearWalrusNetwork View Post
So we led an Exodus to the Holy Land, Landover Baptist Church, where I enrolled at their university...
I don't think so, dear. You see, Freehold is a gated community that exists to support God through supporting Landover Baptist Church, through our esteemed Pastor Zeke. Landover Baptist Church has been named "Most Select Church In America" by U.S. News and World Report, "Now Harder To Get Into Than Harvard." Our Holy Church is modeled after Heaven, and if you thought it was that was hard to get into (Matthew 7:21), you've never encountered Sister Cookie in the Office. Landover University functions to provide the church with the next generation of Tithers, and therefore exist solely for families who are guaranteed to have been Saved, lest our children be contaminated with the unsaved, which expressly irks the LORD (Deuteronomy 17:7; Romans 16:17; 1 Corinthians 5:12-13; etc). Unsaved trash aren't welcome in Freehold, and I see you've been labeled as just that. No offense.


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Sinner Re: The story of NuclearWalrusNetwork - 05-18-2017, 04:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NuclearWalrusNetwork View Post
As a Walrus, ... [unconvincing stuff]
Mr. Walrus,

Are you perhaps obsessed with Lewis Carrol and his admittedly witty poem "The Walrus and the Carpenter". Your erratic bouncing from one issue to another is certainly reminiscent of that carefully constructed secular text.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewis Carroll
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Is the sealing wax reference in your opinion cross-referenced in "Puff the Magic Dragon" or is it just a coincidence?



The poem goes on to show what happens to those who follow false leaders and prophets (Mark 13:22).
Quote:
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?
The question, Mr. Walrus, is whether you shall enjoy the view that you'll be watching for all eternity unless you Repent!

Revelation 20:15
And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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