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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Default Hello. - 05-06-2014, 06:33 PM

Hello, my name is Malachi and I am a Christian. I, however, have come to this church to solidify myself as a Christian seeing as I haven't took in account the sincerity of this matter. I hope you all bless me and accept me as one of your members. And no, I am not a fag.
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 06:38 PM

Hello Malachi. How old are you? What church do you go to? What is your favorite Bible verse? How did you come to find Jesus?



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 06:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Hello Malachi. How old are you? What church do you go to? What is your favorite Bible verse? How did you come to find Jesus?

Hello ma'am. I am seventeen years young. I attend my local church which is called Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, KY. My favorite bible verse is the very obvious John 3:16. I have come to find Jesus simply. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7).
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 06:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
Hello ma'am. I am seventeen years young. I attend my local church which is called Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, KY. My favorite bible verse is the very obvious John 3:16. I have come to find Jesus simply. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7).
I cannot find an edit button, therefore I shall double-post. Sorry. I meant I am Twenty SEVEN!!! years young.
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 06:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
Hello ma'am. I am seventeen years young. I attend my local church which is called Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, KY. My favorite bible verse is the very obvious John 3:16. I have come to find Jesus simply. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7).
Seventeen! Why, you're just starting on your path of manhood! Do you have a photo of yourself you'd like to share as your avatar? It's nice to see the faces of people we talk to, don't you think?



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 07:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
Hello ma'am. I am seventeen years young. I attend my local church which is called Immanuel Baptist Church in Lexington, KY. My favorite bible verse is the very obvious John 3:16. I have come to find Jesus simply. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
I cannot find an edit button, therefore I shall double-post. Sorry. I meant I am Twenty SEVEN!!! years young.
That's a strange mistake to make, dear friend, especially since elsewhere, you give your age as 21. Would you care to explain?


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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 07:14 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
That's a strange mistake to make, dear friend, especially since elsewhere, you give your age as 21. Would you care to explain?
I am very sorry for my miscalculations Pastor Peters. I shall edit (if possible) my age to my correct age. I did not mean to bring any attention on myself.
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 07:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
I am very sorry for my miscalculations Pastor Peters. I shall edit (if possible) my age to my correct age. I did not mean to bring any attention on myself.
I've never forgotten my age. I don't think anyone over the age of three has. Stop this foolishness and tell us the truth now. Why are you here? Are you here to mock and ridicule us? Have you been sent by your father to persecute us (John 8:44)?


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 07:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
I've never forgotten my age. I don't think anyone over the age of three has. Stop this foolishness and tell us the truth now. Why are you here? Are you here to mock and ridicule us? Have you been sent by your father to persecute us (John 8:44)?
No, ma'am. This is my fault and I am sorry for my foolishness. I pray thee for forgiveness. And I am a firm believer in overpowering...dare I mention his name. (James 4:7)
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 07:54 PM

Malachi, I'm a little leery about you, since you've given so many different ages. I think you might live in a corn field. Do you?


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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:01 PM

So, you have given us 3 different versions of your age, plus you have said:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
And no, I am not a fag.
My guess is that you are under the age of 16 and of the homersexual persuasion.

Tell the truth dear. Proverbs 19:9 explains why.

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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:14 PM

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Originally Posted by BaptistBethany View Post
Malachi, I'm a little leery about you, since you've given so many different ages. I think you might live in a corn field. Do you?
No, I do not live in a cornfield.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
So, you have given us 3 different versions of your age, plus you have said:



My guess is that you are under the age of 16 and of the homersexual persuasion.

Tell the truth dear. Proverbs 19:9 explains why.

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Proverbs 19:9 also says I shall perish if I speaketh lies. I haven't quite been perished yet, dear ma'am.
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
Proverbs 19:9 also says I shall perish if I speaketh lies. I haven't quite been perished yet, dear ma'am.
Not yet, dear friend, but I hope you like it hot (Rev. 21:8).


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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:27 PM

Malachi lives in the corn field.


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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:28 PM

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Not yet, dear friend, but I hope you like it hot (Rev. 21:8).
Forgive me, dear Father, for I have sinned. (Matthew 6:15)
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:39 PM

Malachi,

At first I thought you might be someone I know but the guy I know is smart enough to know his own age. Can you understand why people would distrust you when you won't even tell us how old you are?

If you aren't 16, 17, 27 or 50, you are for some reason not wanting us to know the real Malachi. I suspect that isn't even your real name.

Do you have a lot of homosexual friends? Are they trying to keep you from the Lord? Perhaps this is why you have created a new birthday for yourself.

God considers your sin as an abomination. Go into the shower, wash the crap off of your privates, get dressed, and pray that God gives you the common sense to:

1. Remember your birthday.
2. Stop going to gay bars
3. Cancel your subscription to the Advocate
4. Get a real name
5. Get rid of your homo friends. They only want you for one thing.
6. Read the Bible and live by it from now on.

Otherwise, you will die a lonely old queen who really doesn't know how old he is and find yourself in a world of hurt come judgment day.

Morton
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Default Re: Hello. - 05-06-2014, 08:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malachi10 View Post
Proverbs 19:9 also says I shall perish if I speaketh lies. I haven't quite been perished yet, dear ma'am.
It's all in the tense, dear. Give Him time - our Lord has all the time in the world.

And by the way, just for the purpose of education, "I speaketh" is not the correct way to conjugate the verb.


2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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