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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 01:27 PM

Shout GLORY!!!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 06:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Do you know why Jesus healed cripples?

Because there are NO RAMPS IN HEAVEN!!
Did you know that Jesus was high on meth? Because I think that's a PRETTY damn big hindsight, don't cha think?
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 06:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jon.doyle View Post
Did you know that Jesus was high on meth? Because I think that's a PRETTY damn big hindsight, don't cha think?
So you'll have evidence of this Jesus/meth combination then?

I didn't think so. Here at Landover we deal with things that are true and backed up with mountains of evidence, sunshine.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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jon.doyle jon.doyle is offline
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 06:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
So you'll have evidence of this Jesus/meth combination then?

I didn't think so. Here at Landover we deal with things that are true and backed up with mountains of evidence, sunshine.
More evidence then from your brown manure pile. A man that can walk on water and turn water to wine? More like he was hallucinating and the wine was a red dye. So yeah. I think I have more evidence then you, kid. Go back to your little farmhouse and stop porking the pigs and actually for once try and get a 5 dollar whore to take away your human virginity.
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 06:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jon.doyle View Post
More evidence then from your brown manure pile. A man that can walk on water and turn water to wine? More like he was hallucinating and the wine was a red dye. So yeah. I think I have more evidence then you, kid. Go back to your little farmhouse and stop porking the pigs and actually for once try and get a 5 dollar whore to take away your human virginity.
Your "evidence" is your imagination?

That's just silly!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 06:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
So you'll have evidence of this Jesus/meth combination then?

I didn't think so. Here at Landover we deal with things that are true and backed up with mountains of evidence, sunshine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Your "evidence" is your imagination?

That's just silly!
Just like Jesus performing those "miarcles". So, I think I'll take your opinions and "facts" with a grain of stuff that came with Redeemed Baptisttttt. *Stretches* Have fun, kids. Your gonna need it in your HELL of a life.

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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 08:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jon.doyle View Post
Just like Jesus performing those "miarcles". So, I think I'll take your opinions and "facts" with a grain of stuff that came with Redeemed Baptisttttt. *Stretches* Have fun, kids. Your gonna need it in your HELL of a life.
Exactly how did Jesus cook this meth? How did he feed people with hallucinations?

Are you creating a Jesus in your image? Are you a meth head and therefore you need to believe that Jesus was capable of "cooking" meth?

Why are yo so angry at God? Did he not give you the pony you prayed for when you were 6?


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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-08-2013, 09:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BelieverInGod View Post
Exactly how did Jesus cook this meth? How did he feed people with hallucinations?

Are you creating a Jesus in your image? Are you a meth head and therefore you need to believe that Jesus was capable of "cooking" meth?

Why are yo so angry at God? Did he not give you the pony you prayed for when you were 6?
I shudder to think what would have transpired had he been gifted with that pony.

If Jesus had been a meth dealer 2000 years ago, that would just be another miracle proving He was God. No less a miracle than when my sentence was reversed and the rape of my every wretched orifice came to a sudden stop. No less a miracle than the fact I am not habituated to gay rape. A miracle of sublime proportions indeed.


The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:24 AM

Wow, are you serious? So you think I'm unsaved because I'm blind? Way to twist OT scripture into something unrecognizable *braces herself for the onslaught of trolling*.
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Wow, are you serious? So you think I'm unsaved because I'm blind? Way to twist OT scripture into something unrecognizable *braces herself for the onslaught of trolling*.
If you had sufficient faith, you would not be blind. Jesus cured me of homosexurality. Surely, He is capable of healing your blindness.

Matthew 9:27-29
And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou son of David, have mercy on us.
And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.
Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.


Matthew 7:20
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:35 AM

Oh trust me, I have faith. I think I'm going to show this one to all my buddies, though, so we can laugh.
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Wow, are you serious? So you think I'm unsaved because I'm blind? Way to twist OT scripture into something unrecognizable *braces herself for the onslaught of trolling*.
I'm sorry, did you miss Leviticus 21:17-21 where God tells blind people to stay away from Him?
Quote:
17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.
Maybe the reason you don't recognize the Bible is because all you can do with one is grope it.


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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Oh trust me, I have faith. I think I'm going to show this one to all my buddies, though, so we can laugh.

Christ promises to fulfill the prayers of the faithful in Luke 11:9, Matthew 7:7, and elsewhere. So you either want to be blind, or you are an enemy of God. There is no third alternative.


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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Oh trust me, I have faith.
Cripples do not deserve trust. There is a reason God does not want your type in His house of worship. Nor does He listen to the prayers of the unsaved.

Quote:
I think I'm going to show this one to all my buddies, though, so we can laugh.
Yes, we know. The unsaved love nothing more than to persecute the elect. We are told to expect as much in these End Times.

Jude 1:17-19
But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ;
How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.
These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 02:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Oh trust me, I have faith. I think I'm going to show this one to all my buddies, though, so we can laugh.
Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Wassup Wassup is offline
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 06:55 AM

Jon.Doyle was correct on Jesus. The bible makes it clear there was a big usage of meth back in those days by everyone. It's called reading in between the lines. Like so many of you Christians love to do to find "secret bible codes".
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 07:01 AM

Dear Friend,

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wassup View Post
Jon.Doyle was correct on Jesus.
Well, if TWO idiots say something...

Yours in Him,
bab
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 07:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wassup View Post
Jon.Doyle was correct on Jesus. The bible makes it clear there was a big usage of meth back in those days by everyone. It's called reading in between the lines. Like so many of you Christians love to do to find "secret bible codes".
Secret bible codes? That's for joos and catlicks, friend.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth


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Wassup Wassup is offline
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 07:06 AM

Sorry if I can't research every damn religion that is based off of Christianity. Christians need to accept that we no longer live in the dark ages, it's called the Information Age for a reason, dumbasses.
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Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
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Default Re: There are NO RAMPS in God's Favorite Church! - 02-09-2013, 07:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wassup View Post
Sorry if I can't research every damn religion that is based off of Christianity. Christians need to accept that we no longer live in the dark ages, it's called the Information Age for a reason, dumbasses.
Whoa, why the name-calling, friend? Is this your implicit admission that you've already lost?


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