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Default Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-04-2015, 06:18 PM

This is to announce our annual Easter Brunch competition. All True Christian™ ladies are expected to bring their best entry for Easter Brunch to the main Cathedral at Landover Baptist Church no later than 11am tomorrow, Easter Sunday. As always, I will be the final arbiter of which entry wins the day.

Points will be scored for theme, design, presentation and taste. Please post photographs of your entries here, so that I might be prepared for what I will be facing in the morning.

Good luck ladies! And a special prayer goes out for my fiancee, Miss Daisy, who will no doubt wow us all.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 01:10 AM

Oh me.... me! I was worried I wouldn't be the first one to post here.

I've been busy all day making ' beautiful bleeding hands. The fingers are made of a delectable short bread cookie dough and the bloody center is made of a divine raspberry, cherry glaze. I can just see you now licking it oozing goodness.

Our may have had a hole in his hands.... but I'm sure that didn't stop him from devouring delicious Easter goodies!

((p/s) It's just my opinion, but I think anyone who posts pagan bunnies, decorated eggs and baby chicks should be disqualified. Easter is about . )
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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 03:12 AM

My guess is that the other ladies are too preoccupied wracking their tiny brains trying to come up with original ideas for the competition.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 03:23 AM

Well, my wife plans on bringing this:


I berated her and told her that eggs and rabbits were inappropriate. She told me it wasn't an egg she'd bitten into, but the empty tomb. Some women really have too much imagination. Anyway, she'll be sporting a black eye as she limps into the room with her 'empty tomb'.

But then, she might bring this horror:

Cornflakes and lettuce and parsley and who knows what that circular thing is. But the worst part is that piece of toilet paper. Somehow I think the partly eaten half chocolate egg with frosting is preferable.


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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 04:50 AM

Mrs Fagen has been busy baking, but because she is Eastern European, she has no idea of what's appropriate for this holy day.
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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 05:35 AM

Mrs Fagen, the pagan, eh?
I hope you have reprimanded her severely.


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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 02:11 PM

The Osborne's will unfortunately have to pass this year.

Mrs. Osborne still hasn't come home for months now, and my daughters still can't figure out how to boil water.


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"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 03:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Fagen View Post
Mrs Fagen has been busy baking, but because she is Eastern European, she has no idea of what's appropriate for this holy day.
I recommend suspending her by the thumb until the cookies have biodegraded completely.


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Default Re: Pastor Ezekiel Challenges Ladies of Landover For Easter Brunch - 04-05-2015, 03:55 PM

It is hardly fair for me to submit an entry when this is what I do for a living. It is also hardly worth it for anyone else to submit an entry considering the winner is always the same. Perhaps a ring might fit on one of those cookie fingers, Daisy darling. Lord knows you won't ever have one from - well, you know. Wise up and smell the rainbows, sister. And congrats on the soon to be announced win.


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