[Witch Hammer]

I don't want to beat a dead horse, but the Lord has put it upon me to take another stab at undoing the foul artifices of beelzebub and leaving monuments to His Glory in their stead.

Flock Together (sung to the tune of "Come Together" by the Beatles)

Here come old Jesus
He come strutting up boldly
He got blue, blue eyeballs
He one holy roller
Let's all get down upon upon our knees
Its good to be The Savior™,
He can do what He please

Beware, He de-vine
He God and He made all
He got healing finger
He spray hemogloba
He say I'll love you, if you love me
One thing I can tell you is
GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES!!!
Flock together, right now!
Under Me!

We bad, bad children
We just gum on God's boot
He say no, no sinner
He one stern whip cracker
He got sandals down below His knees
Won't you kiss His robe-hem
And he'll cure your disease
Flock together, right now!
Under Me

He Lord of Hoster
He give plenty warning
He the Living Water
He one fig tree wilter
He say Father Son and Ghost is three
Got to be so faithful
'Cause they're so hard to see
Flock together, right now!
Under Me!

Flock together, yeah
Flock together, yeah
Etc., etc.



Of course, this song should only be performed by a True Christian™ boyband, sans demonic bowl-cuts. PM me privately to schedule an audition.

[MitzaLizalor]

I wondered if you might like a harpsichord accompaniment for your auditions and listened to the tune, just to check the mode, and imagine my horror! Right there on that dreadful stage was a man mocking Jesus!

This is a great project Mr H., just let me know if there's anything I can do.

[Witch Hammer]

While My Open Sores Gently Weep - A Tribute to Job (sung to the tune of While my Guitar Gently Weeps by, once again, the Beatles)


I look at my wife and see she needs beating,
While my open sores gently weep
I sit in the ash and yet she keeps bleating
Still my open sores gently weep

I don't know why God hasn't killed her;
She should taste the glove
Be silent, you cow! I'll cut out your tongue, shrew!
I bought, and can sell you!

I look at my sheep and notice they're burning
While my open sores gently weep
My camels are dead and for succour I'm yearning
Still my open sores gently weep

I don't know why
The livestock are blazing
And no longer grazing, too
"Curse God and die, stop with the praising!"
But, His Love is amazing, shrew!

O thank you Lord the pus has stopped seeping!
My open sores, they no longer weep...
God returned all
And my open sores, they no longer weep

[Elmer G. White]

Wonderful idea, Brother.

Here's a false Christian hymn ("Jesus loves me" by Anna Warner and William Bradbury). My version is targeted at repenting false Christian congregations who strive for True Christianity™!

Jesus Hates Me

Jesus hates me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Only True Christians™ to Him belong,
They are saved, and He is strong.

Refrain:
Yes, Jesus hates me,
Yes, Jesus hates me,
Yes, Jesus hates me,
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus hates me! He who died,
Hell’s pit to those who lied;
He will cast to Hell sodomy and sin,
That Satan’s schlong may punish those therein.

Jesus hates me! He hates me still,
When I choose the deathstyle of weak and ill;
From His shining throne on high,
He sends me to Hell with a warm good-buy.

Jesus hates me! He will stay
in Heaven and cast me away;
But if I repent and be baptized (Acts 2:38) before I die
He might take me home on high.




Yours in Christ,


Elmer

[Bjorn Jensen]

Twisted Sister - Burn in Hell

Welcome to the Landover Baptist Church
Come on in child, take my hand
Here there's no time to play
Only time to pray

And there's just five words to say
If you sin, sin, sin

You're gonna burn in hell
Oh, burn in hell

You can't believe all the things
I've done wrong in my life
Without even trying
I lived like a fornicator

Well, I've watched Disney movies
But I didn't want to get myself burned
So I stopped having sex with men
And joined the right church

Or else I'd burn in hell
Oh, burn in hell

Take a good look at everything you said and done
Ever mocked Jesus Christ?
You're filled with hate and sin
Now is that how you want it to be?

It's up to you
What you do will decide your own fate
Make your choice now
And accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour

Or else you'll burn in hell
Stop watching Disney movies
Stop mocking the Lord
Stop your filthy way of life
(Or else you'll burn in hell)

Or else you'll burn in hell
Stop voting Democrat
And don't be a commie
(Or else, you'll burn in hell)