[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Anyone know about Sarah Parker, 24 Lakeside St.?

I won't tell you I came across this information because I don't want to incriminate anyone, but "the carpet doesn't match the drapes", so to speak. I'm having trouble how to say this delicately - let me just say right out that she must be dying her hair. (Presumably, the hair on her head, though of course we can't be certain due to the insane trends invented by Hollywood, and being a 13-year old she's liable to have a mind easily swayed by that latter-day Gommorah.)

Anyway, I need some scripture on this issue. I know that the Bible condemns tatoos, ear peircing, jewlery (on women), pants (on women), braided hair, long hair (on men), "afros", and so on (why oh way do women read filthy secular fasion magazines when Jesus has more to say on the subject than anyone?)

Anyway, I'm certain that somewhere Jesus condemns hair dyeing, after all, if Jesus wanted Sarah Parker, (24 Lakeside St, that's the house with the vines) to be blonde, he would have made her blonde. By the way I asked around, and I can't find anyone to disprove that she once wet the bed at a sleepover and has ambitions to have an abortion someday. She has also been spotted at that organic grocery store (before we had it shut down) and many reports say she was eyeing the cucumbers with a disturbing intensity.

Since her parents seem to be sparing the rod in this case of hellbound sluttery, it seems it's time for the community to intervene.

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

I saw her talking to that Harrison boy the other day too! He is 16!

Now, I can't answer the question of hair coloring. I just do not know. However, I would like to point out that I am missing some cucumbers from my garden. I know there were some rather LARGE ones there day before yesterday, but I wanted them to grow just a wee bit more. Then when I went out to pick them, there weren't as many as there were before! In fact there was just mud! Slutty Sarah's accomplices are saying that Cucumbers can't be harvested in April, but I'm sure I saw them there yesterday. Honestly! If anybody knows when produce comes into season it's a Christian! When we have to watch over our gardens with shotguns it is just time to DO something!

BRB, I have to take a chill pill, or a chill injection or something whatever makes the spinning stop

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

1 Timothy 2:9-10: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair"

There we have it. Dyeing your hair blonde is neither modest nor discreet, now is it?

I talked to the Harrison boy. Actually he's 16 and a half. Anyway he reports that she's a total dyke, rejecting his advances not only when drunk but also when threatened with violence. Lord knows, nothing makes my 100% hetero daughters willing to "let boys be boys" than a few hits, and not just the kind that flow out of shot glasses.

The dyke theory makes perfect sense, Sarah did not dye her nether regions for fear of the yellow dye causing her fellow dykes to get yellowed teeth.

EDIT: I thought we agreed no more injections or medications you have to inhale. And didn't you promise to take up playing Farmville with Brother Nobar as an alternative habit?

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

First of all, FARMVILLE? What do you take me for, some sort of junkie? I'm not letting Brother Nobar turn me on to any of his addictions. None of my medications are habit forming, I can stop talking them any time I want (if I wanted to be less healthy, for some reason).

Now, about lakeside street: I used to dream about having a stick built house on that lake. And we even spent a few weekends looking at the lots and homes available around the lake, including Lakeside Drive and Shoreline Drive as well. We noticed that there are some pretty queer folks around that lake. There are a couple of problems with the area: First, the older homes don't have leaching fields, instead, they have a sewer pipe that empties right in to the lake. Second, the newer homes have leaching fields, but the ground is solid clay, so most of the septic tanks are over-flowing and running right in to the lake ... Sure, those fools drive BMW and Lexus SUV's but do you think they would spend $40 to have their septic tanks pumped out ... think again ... $40 is a tank of gas! The whole thing gives a new meaning to the words "Brown Trout." And of course, their kids are water skiing, jet skiing, and swimming all day long in that great big toilet they call Obadiah Lake. It's no wonder those folks around the lake have such filthy Brats.

As far as those horny little she-devils in that neighborhood go, the reason they look like NFL cheerleaders when they're ten years old is because the dairy farm drains right in to their community well. And all those hormones they give the cows go right into the ground water. It's no wonder there are so many of those FLDS polygamists around there (they like their plural wives real young).

PS You asked about scripture for Sarah:

1 Corinthians 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.

Genesis 38:24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she [is] with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

I'm not saying that I approve of Brother Nobar's "habit", I'm just saying that as far as addictions go it's better to have carpal tunnel syndrome than, well, not knowing what time of year it is.

No, I'm not saying you need to take down your Christmas lights right now. Just stop putting them up.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Prov. 16:31: The hoary head [is] a crown of glory, [if] it be found in the way of righteousness.

Matt. 5:36: Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.

[Dr. Laurie PHD]

I know that it's April. It's the Aprillest April that ever Aprilled. Of course it's April! I've known that for months.

Oh, you know Brother Gary? He said he heard music coming from her room - just the bass thumping, but he has a good ear for this sort of thing and he said it sounded like Marlyn Manson. Or the theme to "Danger Mouse".

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

Prov. 16:31: The hoary head [is] a crown of glory, [if] it be found in the way of righteousness.

Matt. 5:36: Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.

I noticed some hair dye on the shelves of Freehold Drug.

I'm wondering if I should order these removed.

[Paul Jeffery]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

Anyone know about Sarah Parker, 24 Lakeside St.?

I won't tell you I came across this information because I don't want to incriminate anyone, but "the carpet doesn't match the drapes", so to speak.

Brother Jeb, do we know that the...er...carpet hasn't been...well...removed, lest it might clash with the drapes? There's no limit to the horrors such a young harpie might inflict upon herself in the interest of recruiting other unwitting young nubiles into her deathstyle!

[Chlosman]

Can I just ask why you're interfering with people who don't follow your religion? 33% of the world's population (And dropping) are Christians. Just because you believe something does not mean you have to force it down other people's throats.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Originally Posted by Chlosman

Can I just ask why you're interfering with people who don't follow your religion? 33% of the world's population (And dropping) are Christians. Just because you believe something does not mean you have to force it down other people's throats.

Yes it does. Haven't you read the Bible?

2 Chronicles 15:13
Whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Chlosman

Can I just ask why you're interfering with people who don't follow your religion?

We are in the business of saving immortal souls for Jesus

33% of the world's population (And dropping) are Christians.

Then we must work harder. However, if you look back there were plenty of savages and the like whom we converted, so we're still ahead of the game

Just because you believe something does not mean you have to force it down other people's throats.

Freudian references to oral sex will not endear you to either the members of this forum or Jesus.