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Default How to make an atheist cry - 01-29-2016, 11:36 PM
The following story has been known to make atheists cry!

An atheist in godless England went to London Zoo with his 5 year old son. In his hand he held a Bible. When they reached the chimp exhibit, the atheist said to his son "Look at the chimpanzees. See how similar they are to us? That's because we have a common ancestor, son. Evolution is true and God is not."

The atheist tore a page out of the Bible and threw it into the chimp exhibit. A chimp quickly swung over to the Bible page and ate it. "See how the chimp ate that Bible page? If God really existed, he wouldn't have allowed the chimp to eat it."

The atheist and his son continued to visit every animal exhibit, and the atheist father did the same thing at each and every one, one page for each animal. Finally, only one page of the Bible remained and only one animal remained to be visited.

They came up to the aquarium where a big octopus was laying on a rock. The atheist ripped out the last Bible page and dropped it into the aquarium. Suddenly, the octopus grabbed the Bible page and began to come up, out of the water!

The atheist and his son were so surprised their mouths fell agape! The octopus looked the father in the eye, and with an inhuman voice began to read from the page! " Psalm 14:1! The fool hath said in his heart," There is no God!" The atheist stood there, speechless! The octopus began to speak again "Do you think that because we animals ate pages of the Bible, it means that God is not real? Look how much of a fool you are! Do you not know that the Word of God is nourishment to all who partake of it! You fool!".

The atheist dropped to his knees and began to cry. The octopus spoke again "Accept Christ, and your sins will be absolved, sinner". With a tear-stained face, the atheist said in a shaking voice: "I do! I accept Christ and God and the Holy Spirit! I was such a fool for not believing!".

The former-atheist did the sign of the cross and stood up. His knees were still shaking but a bright glow surrounded him as he converted to Christianity.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 12:21 AM
WOW! That is a Really Moving testimony, Brother!

Thank you for sharing it!


Praise Jesus!


Hallelujah!


\o/

Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 12:39 AM
That's a powerful story. It needs to be put on the websites of American Atheists, American Humanists and Freedom From Religion.

If every atheist read it, we would see the end of their folly.

Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-07-2016, 08:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
If every atheist read it, we would see the end of their folly.
You'd really think it'd be that easy?

Matthew 22:13
Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Last edited by Mary Etheldreda; 02-07-2016 at 05:18 PM. Reason: I fixed your quoting for you. You're welcome.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 05-29-2016, 05:59 PM
Good point. I mean, I'm not saying you all are liars, but I find it hard to believe as well. I mean, if they had visual proof, then they would convert for sure, but I've never heard this story anywhere else (or in the bible)
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 05-30-2016, 04:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Comatoserocker View Post
Good point. I mean, I'm not saying you all are liars, but I find it hard to believe as well. I mean, if they had visual proof, then they would convert for sure, but I've never heard this story anywhere else (or in the bible)
Atheists are confronted with visual proof all the time and they still don't convert. This shows how mentally and spiritually retarded they all are.

Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 02:45 AM
Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by animosityX032 View Post
Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.
Oh great, another Reddidiot.



Hey, how about some ORIGINAL content, huh? Or have you been a Reddidiot for so long that you don't recognize originality?



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:40 AM
The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 04:52 AM
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Originally Posted by animosityX032 View Post
The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?
Why, so you can run back there and say "ermagerd I totally owned those guise and they banned me because awesomesauce me!!!"


Just leave if you want to leave, dummy.





YiC,


Zech

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 01-30-2016, 05:56 PM
We are going to make a movie out of that story. Short call by me and Kevin Sorbo is in the boat as our main actor. He already portrayed an atheist in "god's not dead" which was worthy an oscar.
Portraying the boy I could think of Macaulay Culkin. Sure he has grown a lot in the last 20 years but he is incredible cheap to have and with the righ CGI we can shrink him down to his old self in "home alone".

The attention in the press will be immense and our friend Mr.Trump might be spending a few dollars for the production costs if we place some advertising for his campaign in the movie.
Even if the movie only makes a few million dollars it's enough for Pastor Ezekiels private plane and certain other investments that might be lucrative for God's favorite Church.

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-08-2016, 09:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bjorn Jensen View Post
The following story has been known to make atheists cry!

An atheist in godless England went to London Zoo with his 5 year old son. In his hand he held a Bible. When they reached the chimp exhibit, the atheist said to his son "Look at the chimpanzees. See how similar they are to us? That's because we have a common ancestor, son. Evolution is true and God is not."

The atheist tore a page out of the Bible and threw it into the chimp exhibit. A chimp quickly swung over to the Bible page and ate it. "See how the chimp ate that Bible page? If God really existed, he wouldn't have allowed the chimp to eat it."

The atheist and his son continued to visit every animal exhibit, and the atheist father did the same thing at each and every one, one page for each animal. Finally, only one page of the Bible remained and only one animal remained to be visited.

They came up to the aquarium where a big octopus was laying on a rock. The atheist ripped out the last Bible page and dropped it into the aquarium. Suddenly, the octopus grabbed the Bible page and began to come up, out of the water!

The atheist and his son were so surprised their mouths fell agape! The octopus looked the father in the eye, and with an inhuman voice began to read from the page! " Psalm 14:1! The fool hath said in his heart," There is no God!" The atheist stood there, speechless! The octopus began to speak again "Do you think that because we animals ate pages of the Bible, it means that God is not real? Look how much of a fool you are! Do you not know that the Word of God is nourishment to all who partake of it! You fool!".

The atheist dropped to his knees and began to cry. The octopus spoke again "Accept Christ, and your sins will be absolved, sinner". With a tear-stained face, the atheist said in a shaking voice: "I do! I accept Christ and God and the Holy Spirit! I was such a fool for not believing!".

The former-atheist did the sign of the cross and stood up. His knees were still shaking but a bright glow surrounded him as he converted to Christianity.
Dear Friend.
I Found your whole story totally moving until the atheist made the sign of the cross. Was he a Catlick? This worries me greatly.

Isaiah 66:15

For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 08:48 PM
I'm not crying, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this story
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Goldenshark123 View Post
I'm not crying, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this story
Care to explain?

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 09:01 PM
I doubt this would bring Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris or indeed myself to tears. Tears of laughter maybe
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Goldenshark123 View Post
I doubt this would bring Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris or indeed myself to tears. Tears of laughter maybe
How about you wait until you encounter a talking octopus and then let us know how you feel?

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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 02-10-2016, 09:23 PM
octopuses cannot talk in the same dialect that humans can, octopuses are actually intelligent creatures that communicate woth each other using a variety of signals. Their intelligence is down to evolution, not a creator.

Also, if by some amazing coincidence that I did encounter a talking octopus, I would record the footage and send it to a zoololgy lab for the whole world to marvel at. How come a camera is never around when 'God' decides to show his face?
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 05-29-2016, 05:09 PM
A script has been written for the movie, Kevin Sorbo has been confirmed to take part in it and play the atheist as he was interested ever since day 1. Producton is expected to start this summer in the outskirts of Des Moines.

My 2 pet monkeys, Trayvon and Martin, will also play a minor role.
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 11-29-2016, 06:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bjorn Jensen View Post
A script has been written for the movie, Kevin Sorbo has been confirmed to take part in it and play the atheist as he was interested ever since day 1. Producton is expected to start this summer..
Although naturally shy Mr Jensen if you need any assistance with costumes I'd be happy to contribute.
There's some lovely green velvet here and a couple of patterned fabrics which could be combined very effectively.

TOP attractive Paisley pattern, fluorescent yellow highlights
MIDDLE iridescent green velvet, brilliant under sunlight
BOTTOM beautiful dark floral linen, well suited to stage lighting



other combinations are available
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Default Re: How to make an atheist cry - 07-07-2016, 10:44 AM
Hahahaha, now I know why all my ex-Atheist friends converted to Christianity. An octopus ate all their brain cells!

Didn't see that neat aura thing though. Where do I buy one?
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