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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-23-2012, 12:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jpagan View Post
But God is omnipotent, omnipresent, all powerful. If tanks and bombs and hatred can't so much as scratch him, how can a tender act between two people? I guess thats my hang up with this issue.
Your hangup with this issue is your completely inaccurate assumption that Biblical morality is based on the Mill harm principle.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-23-2012, 11:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Your hangup with this issue is your completely inaccurate assumption that Biblical morality is based on the Mill harm principle.
Thank you Pastor, things are starting to clear up. Since I'm having trouble understanding the original source (The KJV Bible) where can I get some extra tutoring on these questions I have?


A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast; But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel. Proverbs 12:10
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-24-2012, 03:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jpagan View Post
Thank you Pastor, things are starting to clear up. Since I'm having trouble understanding the original source (The KJV Bible) where can I get some extra tutoring on these questions I have?
Private Pastoral counseling is available by clicking on the link at the bottom of my signature below.

The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independent Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-25-2012, 03:43 AM

Ryan Sorba Calls Homosexuality a Hobby


During the Awakening 2012’s panel on the “LGBT Agenda,” right-wing activist Ryan Sorba said that homosexuality is a hobby akin to playing basketball and surfing, as part of his argument that conservatives should “stop using the word gay” since it may lead people to believe that “they’re born gay.”

If fundamental human rights are based on capricious desires, guess what, we’d have every group on this planet with a different hobby arguing for fundamental rights and benefits based on the fact that they play hockey, based on the fact that they play basketball or surf, or anything that they’re interested in.


http://www.rightwingwatch.org/


Come climb my mountains.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-25-2012, 04:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jpagan View Post
But God is omnipotent, omnipresent, all powerful. If tanks and bombs and hatred can't so much as scratch him, how can a tender act between two people? I guess thats my hang up with this issue.
What makes you think God cares one jot how you feel? Show me where God says you ought to be happy or to like what He decrees.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-29-2012, 01:11 PM

Will you stop calling homos homers?
Homer is the name of a funny and hetero charecter.
so please stop using it like that.

Homersexual was a joke in the show itself.


"a smart man knows that gay also means happy....
..a wise man knows that you shouldnt yell 'Im gay' to claim that you are happy"
-Somone.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-29-2012, 10:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jpagan View Post
Thank you Pastor, things are starting to clear up. Since I'm having trouble understanding the original source (The KJV Bible) where can I get some extra tutoring on these questions I have?
It's wonderful to see you making an effort to understand Jesus and the Bible!

I think we (True Christians™) should all befriend this young man and help him on his path toward Salvation™.

You'll note two resources in my signature in addition to Pastor Ezekiel's. First is a section of this very forum, where you can read the Bible along with Landover's Brother V, and join in discussion.

The other is more geared toward "Bible beginners", and may be helpful as well.


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-30-2012, 03:16 AM

I would like to graciously accept your kind words and continue to learn about True Christians.


A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast; But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel. Proverbs 12:10
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 04-30-2012, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jpagan View Post
I would like to graciously accept your kind words and continue to learn about True Christians.
If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-08-2012, 03:39 AM

I am a lesbian. As I recall, the passage in leviticus that you interpret as condemning homosexuality says something along the lines of "a man shall not lie with another man, as it is an abomination." So what about us girls who like girls? Are we sinners? And if that's so in you view, could you please explain why you think so? Also how would one go about "curing" me?


Human being.
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-08-2012, 04:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyGentleman View Post
I am a lesbian. As I recall, the passage in leviticus that you interpret as condemning homosexuality says something along the lines of "a man shall not lie with another man, as it is an abomination." So what about us girls who like girls? Are we sinners? And if that's so in you view, could you please explain why you think so? Also how would one go about "curing" me?
It's not about what WE think, it's about what JESUS thinks, and of course Jesus can't stand filthy rug-munchers and disgusting pole-smokers. It's right there in the New Testament:

(Romans 1:26-27) "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."

You should contact a Senior Pastor about getting help discarding your lesbian deathstyle choice.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth


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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-29-2012, 11:15 PM

I know that homosexuality can be overcome because I myself have had to do just that. And it's been years now since I have lusted over other women. I'm learning to rise above the flesh. I do have the blessing of loving men, also, I was never completely lesbian but I know it's possible to overcome such feelings. I know that raging hormones are not an excuse for any type of lust - including homosexuality. And I've come a really long way. So it can be done! I'm ashamed to admit my experiences but at the same time, if it will give someone else hope, then I would like to post this. You can do it! If you need help, come on here and pray, pray, pray. You can transform yourself, I promise. I used to be a very lustful person and now I'm not. And I'm happy about that...my life is much better now. It can happen! Don't give up!
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-29-2012, 11:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by freemanjessica View Post
I know that homosexuality can be overcome because I myself have had to do just that...
Hi, um, Jessica (I'll assume that's your first name). Why don't you make your way to the Introductions forum so that the True Christians™ here can greet you properly? Make sure to follow the detailed instructions at the top of the page, and don't leave anything out about your years of lusting after the female form (including sordid and graphic details of your conquests, pics a plus).


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Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-29-2012, 11:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Hi, um, Jessica (I'll assume that's your first name). Why don't you make your way to the Introductions forum so that the True Christians™ here can greet you properly? Make sure to follow the detailed instructions at the top of the page, and don't leave anything out about your years of lusting after the female form (including sordid and graphic details of your conquests, pics a plus).
Great, now we'll have to wade through another catalogue of carpet-cleaning and cunny-bumping.

Nobody wants to read that stuff except you, Diddle-Us.


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Jedediah Jedediah is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 07-31-2012, 12:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
don't leave anything out about your years of lusting after the female form (including sordid and graphic details of your conquests, pics a plus).
What, are the pages on your Penthouse Forums magazines all stuck together, so now you try to get cheap thrills on our family forum? I'd have thought that some of our righteousness would have rubbed off on you by now, but apparently you're just dead set on letting your addiction to masturbation stand between you and Salvation. It's sad.


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 08-03-2012, 12:44 AM

Ok, so, I wanted to ask something.

Y'all keep talking about Satan raping non-believers up the butt, right? Does that mean Satan is gay? If Satan is gay, how does he punish the women who go to hell?
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Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 08-03-2012, 12:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaSantafe View Post
...If Satan is gay, how does he punish the women who go to hell?
He makes them wear clashing colours, turns the TV from Oprah to a hockey game, and forbids them chattering inanely.


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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 08-03-2012, 02:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaSantafe View Post
Ok, so, I wanted to ask something.

Y'all keep talking about Satan raping non-believers up the butt, right? Does that mean Satan is gay? If Satan is gay, how does he punish the women who go to hell?
They are peeled like grapes and then repeatedly dipped in scalding hot spunk for all eternity. Take a look at THIS.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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TinaSantafe, whore TinaSantafe, whore is offline
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 08-03-2012, 03:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
They are peeled like grapes and then repeatedly dipped in scalding hot spunk for all eternity. Take a look at THIS.
That doesn't sound so great.

Ok, next question! If homers like being anally raped, why would it be punishment or torture for Satan to spend eternity doing that to them? It sounds like it would be a reward for homers.
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: Welcome to Straight 4 Jesus! - 08-03-2012, 03:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinaSantafe View Post
That doesn't sound so great.

Ok, next question! If homers like being anally raped, why would it be punishment or torture for Satan to spend eternity doing that to them? It sounds like it would be a reward for homers.
Did you look at the link?

God chooses the torture that will most annoy the sinner. Joos for example, are forced to serve glasses of porkfat to all the muslims in hell. They wear pigskins too, and they have to pay retail.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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