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Reload this Page Completing The Common Saying... TC Style!
Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Default Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-08-2012, 02:47 AM

Curiosity killed the cat.

Satisfaction brought him back.

Then Brother Bobby-Joe sank the cat in Landover Lake with a brick tied to his rear paws.

That was the last we've heard from the cat.

Yours in Him,
BAB
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-08-2012, 05:06 AM

God helps those who help themselves.

. . . helps them into His Lake of Fire to be burned alive for all eternity, unless what they're helping themselves to is a healthy daily serving of Jesus!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-12-2012, 04:39 PM

Bend Over Backwards:

…until you crack, you God mocking gymnasts.
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-12-2012, 08:35 PM

It doesn't hurt to look good,

Until you get raped~!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-12-2012, 11:33 PM

Where there's a will apart from God's, there's a way to the lake of fire.

All good things must come to an end except praising Jesus in Heaven.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-13-2012, 12:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Bob View Post
Curiosity killed the cat.

Satisfaction brought him back.

Then Brother Bobby-Joe sank the cat in Landover Lake with a brick tied to his rear paws.

That was the last we've heard from the cat.
But then Bobby Joe felt bad
And rescued the cat by removing the brick that held the cat back
But when he saw the condition of the cat
He threw it back in and it's never come back
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-13-2012, 12:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Where there's a will apart from God's, there's a way to the lake of fire.

All good things must come to an end except praising Jesus in Heaven.
I can't wait to sing the praises of my master FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER!

In Heaven, you don't even have to sleep or use the bathroom, so you can just keeping singing!

I can think of no better way to spend eternity, Praise Him! I hope I die tonight in my sleep!


The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-13-2012, 12:45 AM

I'm gonna wear this shirt; do you think it looks OK?

I really don't care; I'm gonna wear it anyway.

I asked Jesus and he had this to say...

Get away from me you prick; and get on your knees and pray.
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-14-2012, 06:26 AM

Zeke likes orange juice. But only whores use frozen concentrate.




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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-15-2012, 02:27 AM

Whatever goes up, must come down ... Apart from True Christians™!


6
A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-15-2012, 02:41 AM

A rolling stone gathers no moss, and a True Christian™ gathers no sin!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-15-2012, 01:31 PM

The devil may quote scripture for his own purpose, . . .

. . . but he doesn't hold a candle to a True Christian™ theologian.


Holbein

1st Corinthians 15:16 For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
1st Corinthians 15:17 And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
1st Corinthians 15:18 Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
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Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-15-2012, 08:29 PM

All good things come to an end . . .

. . . but burning in Hell lasts forever!



Matthew 25:41 "Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels"

.


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Deaner's Avatar
Deaner Deaner is offline
Christ's Love Messenger
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True Christian™ Long service medal, 2nd class One Year/1000 posts Christian Love Best Mullet Parking Lot Tither True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '06 Punched the most queers The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound TC Bravery Ready for the Rapture Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian True Christian Hotrodder Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Flat Earth Tell her once The Lord’s Witness Wound Eats the Most Pork Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Hatchet Child Rearing Award Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Persecuted Porn Resistant Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Tagging for Jesus Saved 5 Years Divorcee Super Soaker Baptism Award Real American™ Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Truck Stop Ministry Member Chariot of Fire True Christian Hotrodder Pastor of GOD Senior Pastor 4th Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 1st Year Bible College Long service medal, 3rd class In Love With Zeke

 
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-16-2012, 01:24 AM

I met a poor beggar while walking down the street

He said give me a quarter; I'll even lick it off your feet

I said get away from me you dirty creep

Get on your knees and become one of Christ's sheep
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Redeemed Papist Redeemed Papist is offline
Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-16-2012, 08:09 AM

You looking for trouble?

You've come to the right place.

Hebrews 10:31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
The truth about volcanos
Sex and debauchery in public schools
Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.
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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-16-2012, 09:43 AM

Many a true word is said in jest - Proverb:1:26: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Jack O'fagan Jack O'fagan is offline
With faith as immovable as the Earth
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Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant True Christian™ Flat Earth Tell her once Ex-Masturbator Heaven Bound Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork 3rd Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior Hands Off

 
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-16-2012, 11:09 AM

One in the hand is worth........


an eternity in the lake of fire.


Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Christ's Love Messenger
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True Christian™ Long service medal, 2nd class One Year/1000 posts Christian Love Best Mullet Parking Lot Tither True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '06 Punched the most queers The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound TC Bravery Ready for the Rapture Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian True Christian Hotrodder Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Flat Earth Tell her once The Lord’s Witness Wound Eats the Most Pork Eats the Most Pork True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Hatchet Child Rearing Award Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Persecuted Porn Resistant Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Tagging for Jesus Saved 5 Years Divorcee Super Soaker Baptism Award Real American™ Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Truck Stop Ministry Member Chariot of Fire True Christian Hotrodder Pastor of GOD Senior Pastor 4th Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 1st Year Bible College Long service medal, 3rd class In Love With Zeke

 
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Default Re: Completing The Common Saying... TC Style! - 09-16-2012, 05:42 PM

I woke up in the morning, a stiff choo-choo in my pants
I heard satan whisper to me, "C'mon, give me your hands"
"Away from me" I said
You red sulphurous jerk
If it happens it will happen in my sleep
Where I cannot be held responsible
For doing your sinful work
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