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Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
08-16-2010, 02:42 AM
Brothers in Christ,
As Christian men, we constantly walk a fine line in this secular society between maintaining order with the woman in our Christian home, and incarceration as a result of domestic “violence”. Here in the US, most states have passed inane laws that require the aggressor in a domestic violence “incident” to be arrested and jailed without question.
However, missing in the legal code is the explanation that in the Christian home, the aggressor is also the instigator. We know that discipline in the Christian home is only required when the sassmouth woman instigates it.
In most civil issues, we are commanded to obey secular law as Paul tells us:
Romans 13:1-2 “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”
1 Peter 2:13-14 “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.”
But let’s take a closer look at Scripture in our defense as men of God:
1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
God, Jesus AND Paul are all in agreement that the man has absolute rule over the simple woman. And in Romans 13 above, we see that every soul must be “subject unto the higher powers”. This is as clear as it can be. The lowly woman is subject to the True Christian™ man, we are subject to Christ and Christ is subject to God! Praise Jesus for such a simple plan for order in life!
So can we ever justify physical discipline for the wife? Yes, we can. We serve Jesus Christ and were made in His image. He took action when it was called for and so can we:
Matthew 10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword”
Matthew 21:12 “And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,”
Luke 19:27 “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.”
This doesn’t mean Jesus had a temper. He was simply serving His Father, we must serve Christ, and the woman MUST serve us.
Nevertheless, few police officers will take the time to study His Word and truly understand God’s law. It’s all too easy in this day and age to get handcuffed, read your rights and stuffed in the back of a police car for no reason at all.
I will share a few tips that have kept me out of jail every time my sobbing wife dialed 911:
1.) Make friends with the neighbors. Whatever it takes. In any neighborhood, there are always the nosy busybodies that look for excitement beyond their living rooms. These are the type that will tromp outside to meet the police, even with sponge rollers in their thinning hair. Compliment them often, offer to make a dump run when the debris in their yard is substantial, whatever. You NEED them on your side!
2.) Make friends with the police. I cannot overstate the importance of having connections within the PD, especially with detectives. I try to rise early each day and jog to the donut shop at 5 AM with a D.A.R.E. T-shirt on. I give generously to ALL the local Police Benevolent Leagues. Think up cop jokes that make them laugh, but never insult them. Tell them your son is studying Criminal Justice at the community college and wants to be just like them.
3.)Try to avoid physical discipline for the wife when at all possible. There are so many ways to punish the woman without your fist. And likely more painful in her simple mind. No phone, no bingo games, no access to the bathroom, etc. Here’s a great example: My wife opened her pie hole last night asking how much I lost at the Poker For Christ tournament. I gave her a smile and asked if she wanted the belt across her face or her Internets privileges suspended? I didn’t need the belt…
4.) If it gets physical and she has bruises, or there is any indication of trauma, be smart and think quick before the police and EMTs get there. There are many reasons she could have such symptoms. You bought her a new wash board and wringer and she didn’t know how to use? She thought the new CuisineArt was supposed to be cleaned with the blades spinning? She wanted to see how the pitching machine worked at your son’s Babe Ruth baseball game. You get my point?
5.)Place your Buck knife in her handbag and tell the cops that she pulled a knife on you first. It's your home after all...
In Christ!
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-03-2010, 01:07 AM
Amen, Broter Porter. Godly advice.
Let me share with you a couple of tips for disciplining your wife as well.
The phone book. Who the heck uses a phone book these days you might ask. I do. You place the phone book up against her face and then punch it.
It will rattle her brain all to heck, but it won't leave any bruises.
Also, a beating with a rubber garden hose will leave deep tissue bruises that won't show up on the skin's surface.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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True Christian™ Minister to the Godless Savages in Hawaii It's a dirty job but someone has to do it.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-03-2010, 02:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
I will share a few tips that have kept me out of jail every time my sobbing wife dialed 911:
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Thank you! This will all be of great help once I marry!
I do have a few tips of my own to offer. Prior to becoming a Christian (and regaining my virginity), I had many women in my life... many women that needed strong discipline.
In my father's day, police knew nothing of defensive wounding and would easily arrest the woman for scratching a man's arms... wounds sustained because she wouldn't settle down whilst being choked a little bit. These days, however, feminist bull dykes have ruined this and officers tend to arrest the man anyway. So, if your woman won't shut up and you have to strangle her a little, please remember to wear long sleeves... a leather jacket is probably best. If you do it enough, just putting on your Choking Leathers will shut her up half the time!
Also, it pays to have a small razor blade handy. Whenever you've left visible traces on her body... bruises, blood, etc ...it's easy to one-up that by making a few small cuts in your scalp with a razor. These bleed profusely and trump anything she's got going on.
Of course, it's sad we live in such unGodly times. Once we achieve a stable, True Christian™ government, we won't have to worry about all this nonsense. Meanwhile, we'll have to tolerate and work around all this interference into our lives!
Revelations 6:16
"And said to the mountains and rocks,
Fall on us, and hide us from the face
of him that sitteth on the throne,
and from the wrath of the Lamb"
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-03-2010, 02:13 AM
I keep a door knob bolted to a wall at eye level. A fresh banana peel and it is perfectly plausible. Though my missus is not allowed to use the phone or speak to outsiders so I have never had to use the banana peel, we do test it regulary to ensure it functions as designed.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-03-2010, 06:24 AM
If you can afford it, a crack legal team can work wonders. My third wife tried pressing charges on me saying I committed "domestic violence" on her. In my defense, she was being unruly and wanted to watch Dynasty while I was watching Monday Night Football. I did not want her mind to be tainted by that sleazy show, and in my righteous anger smashed a hole in the big screen with a hammer and choked her until she was unconscious. The judge ultimately ruled that she instigated the whole affair and I was simply acting in self defense.
I'm thankful for that judge for viewing the law in an objective, unbiased manner instead of going along with the feminist agenda. I'm also thankful that the judge was a lifelong friend and frequent golfing buddy who has provided me fellowship and help throughout the years.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 03:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
Brothers in Christ,
Tell them your son is studying Criminal Justice at the community college and wants to be just like them.
Place your Buck knife in her handbag and tell the cops that she pulled a knife on you first. It's your home after all...
In Christ!
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Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds an awful lot like deception, lying, however you want to put it.
I'm also quite sure that that sort of thing is frowned upon by God.
So please, proceed to use the Bible as a get out of jail free card and tell me why I'm wrong.
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshuaJohnson
Ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds an awful lot like deception, lying, however you want to put it.
I'm also quite sure that that sort of thing is frowned upon by God.
So please, proceed to use the Bible as a get out of jail free card and tell me why I'm wrong.
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If Hitler came knocking at your door, and you had a bunch of Jews hidden up in the attic, and he asked you if you were harboring any Jews....would it be a sin to lie?
I bet you're the type of person that would turn them in to be used as firewood for the winter, hmm?
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:17 AM
All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.
I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.
A lie is a lie.
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:36 AM
I think there's a big difference between an outright lie and a simply withholding the full truth.
Contrast:
"Honey does this dress make me look fat?"
- Yes. [Truth]
- Oh my god, you're a blimp. You might want to put a 'Wide Load' sign on your butt when you walk down the street in that thing. [Very honest truth]
- No (The dress itself doesn't make you look fat, because you already are.) [Withholding the full truth, not a lie]
True Christians™ don't lie and you should be ashamed to insinuate a good man is a liar.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:40 AM
All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.
I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.
A lie is a lie.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:49 AM
No that's just a Christian bending a rule to benefit themselves.
Find me a section of the Bible that fully backs up what you just said.
That is, nothing to do with helping others, it's to save yourselves from punishments. It's cowardice. You would lie about the dress to save yourself from getting slapped. Also, I find it interesting and laughable that you use such an example, as of course the woman should be doing what you tell them to, not freely flaunting around in dresses.
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Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 04:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshuaJohnson
All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.
I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.
A lie is a lie.
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Isaiah 57:4 Against whom do ye sport yourselves? against whom make ye a wide mouth, and draw out the tongue? are ye not children of transgression, a seed of falsehood.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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True Christian™ Minister to the Godless Savages in Hawaii It's a dirty job but someone has to do it.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 05:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshuaJohnson
A lie is a lie.
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I think you must not be as familiar with the Bible as you'd like us to believe. God is not against all deceptions, lies or half-truths. Here's one example: 1 Samuel 16:2 "And Samuel said, How can I go? if Saul hear [it], he will kill me. And the LORD said, Take an heifer with thee, and say, I am come to sacrifice to the LORD."
See? God tells Samuel exactly what to do and say in order to deceive Saul. If you really believe the Bible and if you really have faith in God, you must revise your statement somewhat: Not all lies are sinful. To say otherwise is to contradict Him! Personally, I am not going to be so presumptuous with our mighty Lord God, the King of the Universe. Are you mad?
Revelations 6:16
"And said to the mountains and rocks,
Fall on us, and hide us from the face
of him that sitteth on the throne,
and from the wrath of the Lamb"
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-20-2010, 05:20 AM
HA! I get an infraction for pointing out a minor flaw in a thread.
This is classic, as I said earlier, if it's not in their favour, a Christian doesn't wanna know.
I will be happily banned from here, I get told not to judge people, yet knowing nothing about me, you judge me as a sinner or such for bringing up a minor discrepancy in something someone said, otherwise known as having an opinion.
If I am blind to what you see as truth, then by universal law you are blind to what I see. And that's a goddamned shame.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
12-22-2010, 03:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshuaJohnson
All I've been told all my life is that the Bible is just plain against lying. I've never ever heard of any lying being instituted to save another, per the example you just gave.
I also spotted another member of this forum's signature area listing various things that are wrong, and buy you a ticket to hell. One of them was ''Liars''. Everything seems pretty black and white to me, Liars are liars and they are damned. But oh wait, what's this? as soon as the lie is in their favour, any given Christian will start explaining some way to bend the rule, because it turns out in their favour.
A lie is a lie.
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2 Thessalonians 2:11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
See? God makes people believe lies, so it can hardly be wrong. God never condemns bearing false witness in favour of someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoshuaJohnson
I will be happily banned from here
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Why would we want to ban you? You're just making atheists look bad.
Quote:
If I am blind to what you see as truth, then by universal law you are blind to what I see. And that's a goddamned shame.
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What can you see? Are you on the drug pipes, by any chance?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
01-16-2011, 08:29 AM
Brothers, Please forgive me for reading your posts , as I realize you have commanded women NOT to be reading these posts, but I could not control myself. I guess it is because the flesh is weak. I realized you men saying you punch your wives, and I realize sometimes us women are not always easy to discipline, and our ears are dull of hearing, but why not just buy a paddle and tan her hide a few times and give her some otk spankings? I know that all you men love your wives, because the bible says to love and cherish your wives as you love and cherish your own body because no man ever hateth his own body, but loved and nourished it. I am a single woman with no man to answer too right now, so I guess I won't be getting my spanking for getting on here and posting to you men, but I will be repenting to the Lord.
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True Christian™
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
01-16-2011, 09:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister
I am a single woman with no man to answer too right now, so I guess I won't be getting my spanking for getting on here and posting to you men, but I will be repenting to the Lord.
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Would you like a spanking from me, pretend woman? Simply post your address.
Exodus 22:20 He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
01-16-2011, 11:02 AM
what do you mean, "pretend woman"? I am sorry I did not mean to make anybody mad.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
01-16-2011, 11:10 AM
my husband departed from me because he did not want to live for the Lord. i was sent an infraction. i am not making excuses for myself. My husband did not want to live for Jesus.
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Re: Avoiding Jail For Domestic "Violence" -
01-16-2011, 11:56 AM
I apologize for my previous posts. I realize that i should not have been on the "mens only" forum. I realize that i am a weak, ignorant women and I have nothing to bring to the table for this men. They are much wiser than I am, and know m ore than I do. A friend of mine that I went too and sought advice on this because it bothered me, told me that I was just a woman and he put me in my place. He gave me the ok to go ahead and post my remorsefulness on here. I will no longer post in the mens only column. Ah, what chastisement will do.
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