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Default Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 03:01 AM

I was privileged recently to be included with other Landover Baptist members and pastors who are preparing for the return of Jesus. The new technology has made it necessary to set down many rules and protocols for His return. We at Landover Baptist have determined we will be the primary agency for affairs surrounding His triumphant and prophesied appearance.

We envision there will be thousands of preachers and politicians wanting to be seen with Jesus. Especially they will want to take selfies with Him. Add to that other thousands of companies who will want Jesus pictured next to their product. We have all heard questions like, "What would Jesus drive?"

The Committee has determined that these thousands of preachers, politicians and product representatives are welcome to apply for photo opportunities. As a practical matter, however, most will not make the cut. Our plan at this time is to include only the President and Pastor Zeke. There may be a handful of others but the number will be very small.

Thank you for your understanding in the matter and we will keep you informed as we move toward that wonderful day.


Johny Joe Hold, Mayor


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 12:20 PM

The first time Jesus arrived on Earth, His Blessed arrival was foretold in the stars and by angels; the next time he arrived was surrounded by mystery and even His friends not recognizing him. I feel that this time the whole thing has to be handled professionally.

We do not know the exact time and date:
2Pe:3:10: But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
But I feel that it is important to understand that the likely place will be Landover Baptist Church (Main building).

Bearing this in mind, it would be best if we could somehow delay for a day or two the part in which "the heavens shall pass away" in order to get the introductions, and possibly TV coverage, set up. Time will be "of the essence" and I agree that minimal personal introductions are the way forward. There is already a Pastors' Hotline in the Duty Pastor's Office, and this will be the start of the process. I have had Pastor Hutchins make the connection to the White House (it just needs activating.)

I note that Jesus was always impressed with the poor and the mentally 'non-complex.' I reckon that if we had a random "Tin-tither" from the congregation, it would give Jesus the opportunity to give a few memorable sound-bites.



What do you think?





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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 01:58 PM

Fortunately, there is already a service to do this.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 02:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
I feel that this time the whole thing has to be handled professionally.

We do not know the exact time and date:
2Pe:3:10: But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
But I feel that it is important to understand that the likely place will be Landover Baptist Church (Main building).

Bearing this in mind, it would be best if we could somehow delay for a day or two the part in which "the heavens shall pass away" in order to get the introductions, and possibly TV coverage, set up. Time will be "of the essence" and I agree that minimal personal introductions are the way forward.
I note that Jesus was always impressed with the poor and the mentally 'non-complex.'
Excellent contribution to our planning effort, Pastor. We cannot leave these details to be decided on the fly after Jesus arrives. He is expecting an event that not only is the most important event in world history but looks and feels the part in every way possible.

I agree that if Jesus insists on allocating a little time for sick and poor His wishes must be accommodated. But, He needs to be reminded that the program has to keep moving. The press have deadlines.

I've ordered the Freehold PD to develop a traffic and crowd control simulation as a part of our planning. To minimize congestion, we need a reliable way to keep out atheists and others who are just curious.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 03:12 PM

Is there a fee to apply? I ask because it sounds like a lucrative venture front for giving back to the church since Landover Baptist Church is going through all of the trouble to make this happen.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 04:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
I agree that if Jesus insists on allocating a little time for sick and poor His wishes must be accommodated. But, He needs to be reminded that the program has to keep moving. The press have deadlines.
I guess unless Pastor Bathfire's suggestion re delaying the part in which "the heavens shall pass away" can be agreed and put into effect by Jesus, press deadlines will be unimportant? Let's face it, there will be no Fox News in .


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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 05:47 PM

Maybe I'm being selfish or even petty here, but I think we should show these false world religions they have been wrong for centuries. They are waiting for their god which does not exist and they need to see the real deal.

That's why I'd like to set aside a lot of space for satelite truck feeds to media outlets in India and the Middle East. Some of us would smile to see Hindus and Muslims asking for forgiveness.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 06:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Maybe I'm being selfish or even petty here
Brother Mr Mayor, Sir, I don't believe you have had a selfish or petty thought since the day you were Saved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Some of us would smile to see Hindus and Muslims asking for forgiveness.
And the rest of us - I think I speak for many of the Ladies here? - would like to smile, but would cover our mouths for fear of being seen as unfeminine.

Smile away, Brother! You have a lovely smile!


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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-03-2018, 09:33 PM

Baby Jesus in Betlehem was a good boy and i gave him a fiver.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-04-2018, 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyrre Eliasen View Post
Baby Jesus in Betlehem was a good boy and i gave him a fiver.
Admins, please have a word with this person about posting nonsense where it doesn't belong. Thank you.


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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-04-2018, 04:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Admins, please have a word with this person about posting nonsense where it doesn't belong. Thank you.
Thank you, Faith, for alerting our admin staff. We have a lot of work to do before the big event and do not need trolls here wasting our time.

It just occurred to me we will need electric generators to power the mile or two of satellite trucks we can count on being in Freehold. I've asked the Freehold Power and Light Superintendent to bill City Hall for all of it.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-04-2018, 06:06 PM

Perhaps some of these trolls could be picked up by the Department of Faith and put to work cleaning public restrooms or something. I'm just trying to think of some way in which they might be made to redeem themselves.

Given that we don't know the day or the hour of His return, those trolls could be in Landover's custody for a long time.


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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-04-2018, 10:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyrre Eliasen View Post
Baby Jesus in Betlehem was a good boy and i gave him a fiver.
You need to pray the gay away!


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Most Probably, You Will Not Get a Selfie With Jesus - 10-08-2018, 12:24 AM

What I'm worried about is people who will want to recreate pictures they have seen elsewhere. Jesus will not have time for endless poses shaking hands with wet people:











Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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