General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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Descended from Rapes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,548
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold Bible Campground and RV Park.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-20-2012, 08:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
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What you talkin bout Willis?
Leviticus 13:40 And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
08-22-2012, 12:57 AM
DUCKS IN HEAVEN !
Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, The second woman steps accidentally on a duck And along comes St. Peter, Who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, Not wanting to be chained For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months Without stepping on any ducks, then One day St.Peter comes up to her With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. (like Pastor Zeke )
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says, 'I don't know about you, But I stepped on a
Duck. '
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 386
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Geographical center of the Bible belt
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-06-2012, 05:47 PM
What do they call an animal euthanizing center that puts cats to sleep?
Meowschwitz
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,442
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-08-2012, 04:01 AM
Clop-clop-clop-clop-BANG!-BANG!-clop-clop
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Amish drive-by shooting
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-13-2012, 05:34 PM
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,744
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-13-2012, 07:58 PM
A catlick was looking for a parking space. “Oh Lord, let me find a space and I swear that I’ll go to Church more often, I’ll give up the hard drink and have more children for Jesus!”
A parking space miraculously appeared, the catlick looks towards Heaven and says, “Dear Lord, forget that, I’ve just found one.”
And so it is with Catlix – they simply use Jesus as they see fit and never render unto Caesar…
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 161
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Spain, glorious land in the past, sinner home now.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-14-2012, 08:23 AM
Is Jesus the coolest man ever?
- What do you think compadre? In His Birthday you get presents.
Whosoever he be that doth rebel against thy commandment, and will not hearken unto thy words in all that thou commandest him, he shall be put to death: only be strong and of a good courage.
Joshua 1:18
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-14-2012, 10:30 AM
Q: Why do catlick priests wear robes?
A: Altar boys can hear a zipper a mile away.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
09-30-2012, 08:41 PM
What does GOD say every time a baby nigra is born?
Oops, burnt another one.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-10-2012, 06:02 PM
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 10
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NJ---->the nice part of NY ;)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-14-2012, 12:40 PM
what did the True Christian™ Freehold sheriff say when he saw the catholic priest had been shot 37 times.... "thats the worst case of suicide i ever seen"
Last edited by Pastor Ezekiel; 11-15-2012 at 05:03 AM.
Reason: Spelling fixed
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC (God's Country)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-14-2012, 02:05 PM
How do you keep a joo from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Recovering Catholic.
Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"
Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-18-2012, 06:12 PM
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, yo
u get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 04:45 PM
KJV Bible was written in England because it's God's favorite country.
I'm a pervert and I like it that way
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC (God's Country)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
KJV Bible was written in England because it's God's favorite country.
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Please see the title of the thread. It's good clean CHRISTIAN jokes, not foul, blasphemous, furry Satanic bloviations..
Recovering Catholic.
Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"
Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..
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True Christian™ Beauty Queen
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Posts: 5,447
Join Date: Dec 2007
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 06:20 PM
I don't know, Brother Carl. It made me laugh. England, God's favorite country? Hilarious!
Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
in 2016
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC (God's Country)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 06:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by VictoryOS
I don't know, Brother Carl. It made me laugh. England, God's favorite country? Hilarious!
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True.. I guess God hates dental hygiene then, too
Recovering Catholic.
Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"
Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..
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Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Under Investigation
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Posts: 21
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 06:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carl the wop
True.. I guess God hates dental hygiene then, too
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You certainly aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer? Isn't it a purpose of a joke to make one laugh?
I'm a pervert and I like it that way
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 454
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Charlotte, NC (God's Country)
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
11-19-2012, 06:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal
You certainly aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer? Isn't it a purpose of a joke to make one laugh?
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A menshevik sphincter says what?
Recovering Catholic.
Helping restore the "bully" to the "bully pulpit"
Aspiring to be God's Bouncer..
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes -
12-05-2012, 04:45 AM
In 1272, the Muslims invented the condom using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
The idea has never caught on with the Muslims.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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