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Default Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:04 PM

Folks, I warn you, this website is by far the most disturbing example of the horrible cult for homosexuals that we call "Wicca". This Kevin Carlyon has taken his love of "earth magic", living in his mother's basement and cheeseburgers to a level I never thought I would see outside of watching 20 episodes of "Charmed" back to back while high on Oxycotin.

http://www.kevwitch.co.uk/

Quote:

Not pictured in the above photograph: twinky on the end of a fishing pole being held just above his head, out of reach.
Quote:
The success rate of my ‘spells’ has been documented worldwide, not my claim that they work but the claim of others who have documented my achievements in many publications and t.v. programmes worldwide. I am famous but not rich and the latter is not my goal. Rather it is to help people who have specific problems and have tried every other method to solve them. So what do I believe? I believe in a universal ‘Force’, similar to the Star Wars idea. It is a form of electroparanormal power, latent until given direction by the user, ie positive and negative. Just like electricity you can cook with it or kill with it!


No comment that I can make would be funnier than the above quote.

Quote:

"I used a spell of love to lure this fine maiden into my home, where I showed her the fruit of my loom (and my bitchen' Superman bed sheets)."
Quote:

"What are you doing in my house?"

Quote:

Worst attempt to get into Hogwarts EVER.
Quote:

Unless Kevin has at one time in his life been a women, this picture is clearly a stolen image from the 1970's film "The Wicker Man".
Quote:
MY FERTILITY SPELLS ARE GOING GREAT AT THE CERNE ABBAS GIANT IN DORSET. WHY NOT POP ALONG THERE FOR SOME NICE NOOKIE - ITS THE 'IN PLACE'.


The thought of this guy being in the same room as two lovers seems more like an effective method to abstinence than fertility.

Quote:
Copyright 2001 Kevin Carlyon. All rights reserved. All material on this website is copyright of Kevin Carlyon and may not be copied or reproduced in any way whatsover without his prior written consent.


"...or else you shall recieve the full wrath of my curse of death rank 6 (deals 500-700 damage and reduces melee damage caused by the victim by 30 for 1 minute)."


EDIT: I didn't realize that in the Wicker Man photograph he actually added a picture of himself in the background (very poorly I might add). What a mega-tool.

Last edited by Wash O'Hanley; 02-23-2007 at 07:08 PM.
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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:14 PM

Before you go knocking his website, get this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by The biggest tool known to mankind

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOCK MY WEBSITE GET THIS: Not only am I now claiming to be a God (simply because I believe that all males are part of the God figure and all females are part of the Goddess figure - those 'stuck in wrong bodies' or believe that they are born the wrong sex are abberations and don't count) I now know that I will be Immortal!
Are you really sure you want to incur the wrath of (an incredibly deluded blasphemer who thinks he is) the Almighty God?

Oh, and has Petal been informed of what he gets up to with cats?


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:17 PM

He's free to come on my radio show if he wishes to defend his side (which generally consists of me yelling at him and cutting his mic when he tries to talk and then cutting to commercials).
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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:21 PM

You guys are probably going to tease me for this, but that Kevin guy is a nutjob! A complete quack! I tell you that man's gone looney toons! I don't know what that dude is smoking, but it's obviously hardcore.


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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
You guys are probably going to tease me for this, but that Kevin guy is a nutjob! A complete quack! I tell you that man's gone looney toons! I don't know what that dude is smoking, but it's obviously hardcore.
And you're different... how?


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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
And you're different... how?
Because she's A witch.

He's THE witch.
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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 07:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
And you're different... how?
I knew someone would say something like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
Because she's A witch.

He's THE witch.
Yeah, exactly. He's certifiably crazy, whereas I'm still semi-sane.


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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 08:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
Yeah, exactly. He's certifiably crazy, whereas I'm still semi-sane.
I am curious, since you insist yet again in turning another thread into a discussion of yourself Allie what do you believe in that trumps Christianity so much in your' little, girly mind? The Great Northern Moose? The Invisible Magical Cooter that lives in the pond in your backyard?

,...what?

Frankly I think you and Rachael are full of it about the Wicker stuff. I won’t believe a word of it until you post some pictures of those “sky clad” ceremonies you all go on about.

Back to the real, Mooseatrix, free topic

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kev THE witch
Towards the end of last year I was very ill and ended up in hospital to have my sugars balanced as I am diabetic so all of my projects had to go on hold.
His immortality magic doesn't work against diabetes?



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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 08:44 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
His immortality magic doesn't work against diabetes?
It also doesn't create worthwhile websites.
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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 09:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
It also doesn't create worthwhile websites.
Amen! Seriously, if frigging Fiona Horne can create a half-decent website design, why can't the almighty "High Priest of British White Witches"? (And good gods, what a terribly corny title!)


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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
Amen! Seriously, if frigging Fiona Horne can create a half-decent website design, why can't the almighty "High Priest of British White Witches"? (And good gods, what a terribly corny title!)
That's true Fiona does so her special gift for the occult by casting spells in skin tight cat suits (there is one of her in one foundling a skull that I sadly can not copy and post here). So an important part of wicker/pagan/what ever spirituality is to encourage viewers towards debauchery? The answer to "why are we here?" is "to hump like bunny rabits" or maybe “look at me, I’m pretty”?

BTW Allie; Fiona refers to herself as "wicker" in her own website. If the broom fits,..



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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 09:38 PM

That's because she is Wiccan. Was that supposed to be some kind of insult? If so, then you're a - *gasp* - CHRISTIAN! "If the shoe fits..."


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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 09:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
That's because she is Wiccan. Was that supposed to be some kind of insult? If so, then you're a - *gasp* - CHRISTIAN! "If the shoe fits..."
Alie,

Yes I am a Christian, like everyone who is a member of Landover Baptists. It is the rest of them who are false Christians who pervert The Lord's message. That is why we point out we are TRUE Christians. Asking me to care about the difference between pagans and wickers is the same as asking me to care about the difference between Methodists and Presbyterians. They are all wrong, and that is all I care about.

Now what in the heck is it you worship anyway? You and Rachael seem really evasive on this point. Do you just sacrifice babies in the wood just for the fun of it? Or do you even admit The Goat Man is just Satan?



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: Kevin Carlyon- douchebag of the Universe - 02-23-2007, 10:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Undecided View Post
I knew someone would say something like that.
And yet you didn't have a suitable answer prepared. Well?


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
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