1. One or more of your pets are missing. This could be due to animal sacrifice.
I love animals and would never harm one--it's against my code. They are part of the earth and deserve respect, like all living things.
2. Candles in the bedroom.
Used for spells or not, candles are relaxing, smell lovely, and are peaceful forms of energy.
3. Is a fan of the rock and roll "musical" Wicked.
What does a musical have to do with anything? Sure it has nice music and a script, but it's based off a harmless, real story.
4. Veganism.
I'm personally not a vegan simply because I'm the type to enjoy the deli isle, but I respect people who are.
5. Possession of condoms.
I'm a virgin, but condoms are usually a good thing...for adults.
6. Bite marks on your baby.
Babies are innocent angels and anyone who mistreats one will receive the same treatment from me, times ten. I do not have children and do not plan on having any in the future, but I spoil the children of my family quite enthusiastically. <3
7. Is a Godless gothic.
Just because you wear black doesn't mean you're goth, or that you're Godless. Black can be a very nice, stylish color for the right time of day. I'm not got myself, as I prefer to wear calm, neutral colors of greens and whites and browns, but I respect people who make that choice.
8. A hint of brimstone in the air that Febreze just can't cover.
Febreeze is unhealthy for one thing, I use only natural perfumes. And I'm not really sure what brimstone is, so I can't use it.
9. Repeated viewings of the Wizard Of Oz where they boo Dorothy for killing the Wicked Witch.
The witch in the movie was the villain, so of course I rooted for Dorothy. That doesn't mean I didn't find the character of the witch entertaining. The witch of Oz is such a far stretch from what real witches are like that it's comical.
10. Wearing brightly colored scarves and cheap jangly jewelry.
I like scarves, they keep me warm and they look nice. I'm also a singer, so they protect my throat. But as I stated before I wear neutral, light colors, but that's just personal preference. People who wear bright colors look fabulous. I don't own that much jewelry, but what I do own is simple or selected very carefully from a quality store.
11. Wears a crucifix (Warning: This could also mean they have been lured into the Catholic cult).
I don't own a crucifix.
12. Hasn't been lured into the Catholic cult, but is still pleasant to Catholic priests (who deliver orders to witches from Satan).
I do my best to be pleasant to everybody, so long as they are a pleasant person in return.
13. Has a cat.
Cats are beautiful creatures and I love to watch their soft grace as they curl up on couches and silently stalk prey. I don't have one, unfortunately.
14. Is a lesbian or homos*xual.
I personally am only attracted to men, but I have respect for other types of sexuality. I don't believe that loving someone is ever a bad thing, no matter what the gender.
15. Votes DemocRAT.
I'm a Conservative, believe it or not. I don't like Democratic views either. But they still deserve respect as human beings.
16. Hisses at the sight of a Bible.
I've never hissed at anything, least of all a Bible.
17. Is a feminazi.
There is a difference between feminist and feminazi. The literal dictionary definition of a feminist is someone who believes in equal rights for both men and women. Feminazi's just discriminate men, which I don't agree with. All i believe in is peace, equality, and harmony between the two sexes.
18. Refuses to spend her Eve's curse time in the menstrual shed.
Menstrual cycles are a natural process of the female body, nothing to be ashamed of. They can be really annoying and often I wish I just didn't have one, but it's not a curse. If anything it's a sign of fertility, which is a good thing.
19. Upon seeing a Christian child, starts drooling and going "Mmmmmmmm..."
Okay, repeat after me:
Witches/Wiccans are not cannibals
Witches/Wiccans are not cannibals
Witches/Wiccans are not cannibals
Witches/Wiccans are not cannibals
WITCHES/WICCANS ARE NOT CANNIBALS
WITCHES/WICCANS THINK THAT CANNIBALISM IS A HORRIBLE THING JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
20. Listens to the "music" of Cher.
If it's on, I'll listen. But what does she have to do with anything? It's just music.
21. Unexplained blood stains on clothing, skin, or hair.
From what, exactly? Witches/Wiccans don't like to kill things.
22. Has items that state they are with "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob".
Twilight is really for young girls that want something to daydream over. It's just a real book.
23. When offered ice cream, will ask for a "gelato" instead.
I like both, personally. What does this have to do with anything?
24. Screams when you take them into a church and/or will not sit still during the service.
I don't scream anyway because that would hurt my vocal chords as a singer. My parents are Catholic, so I had to go through a few masses, but I was just really bored with it all.
25. Wants to wear a costume for HELLoween.
I think costumes are a lovely art form, no matter what the occasion.
26. Asks why you are handing out Chick tracts instead of candy to their fellow coven members who have disguised themselves for "trick or treating".
I'm going to use the response of the previous answer:
What in the name of Aphrodite is a "Chick Tract"?
27. Has read Harry Potter.
The movies are entertaining, the effects very realistic and the acting quite stellar. Never read the books, as I don't have patience for teen fiction. I prefer bibliographies, informational books, and historical fiction.
28. Has videotapes of Bewitched stashed under the bed.
Never watched it.
29. Has had an abortion.
I don't plan on having children, so that's that. As for other women, I think that abortion is only right if you have it before the baby has a heartbeat, which is before 15 weeks. Then technically you aren't killing anything. Abortion is a sticky subject that has a lot of grey area and is very lengthy to discuss.
30. Claims Benghazi is a ginned up controversy.
I don't like watching the news, it makes me sad. So I don't know much about this.
31. "Flips the bird" at American servicemen.
That is a horrible, disgusting thing to do. Those are brave men and women that fight for our freedom and deserve the utmost respect. I salute them. <3
32. Sleeps until noon on Saturdays and holidays.
I'm always up around eight. What does sleeping in have to do with anything?
33. Makes gagging sounds during decent Christian prayers.
Disrespecting any religion that isn't harming anyone is wrong.
34. Supports the construction of the Ground Zero mosque.
I think that the Ground Zero mosque was a slap to the face of Americans. I am fiercely against it.
35. Isn't married but is no longer a virgin.
Virgin, but don't plan on saving it for marriage because I don't know if I'll be married or not. Still waiting for Mr. Right <3
36. Drives a Prius.
I don't know what that is, nor do I have a permit yet.
37. Doesn't like going out in the sun, claims a fear of of the nonsensical "disease" "melanoma".
The sun is a wonderful, healing, and life-giving part of nature, so long as I'm careful that my white Irish skin doesn't get burned without sunscreen.
38. Supports Obamacare, won't admit to the hidden passages in that flawed law that will be used to procure human sacrifices.
I despise Obama and obamacare, but I don't think it's goal is human sacrifice
It's just leading our economy to financial ruin.
39. Fornicates with Satan.
WITCHES/WICCANS
DO
NOT
WORSHIP
SATAN
40. Will fill uterus or anus with serpents then defile self with cross.
That's utterly disgusting and sounds painful. I'm pretty sure that's something that Christians came up with on their own, because I've never heard of a Witch or Wiccan doing anything close to that. We are peaceful, loving people, not evil demons.
41. Will float when dunked in water.
Are you seriously referring to the Salem Witch Trials??
42: Worships Broccoli or other plant-based idols
I "worship" nothing. As a Green Witch, I work with and protect the earth, and when I need it, call upon the God and Goddess for strength and wisdom.
43. Deciding what to believe on the basis of what feels good, despite what history and even basic common sense have to say
Once again I shall use the answer of the previous:
History says that Nature-based religions existed long before Christianity.
44. Lives in sin without being married in the eyes of God, and sees nothing wrong with that
Again I say: still a virgin.
45. Watches Happy Days reruns and describes the time period as "ancient"
...what?
46. Pretends to have magic powers, can't keep a boyfriend because she is fat.
We don't have powers, nature does. We simply absorb the positive energy and love of the earth and use it to bring ourselves good fortune and luck. At least, that's what I do. Think pretty roses and bouquets, cups of warm tea and humming sweet songs as hope and love are drawn from the beauties of nature.
47. Will toss severed cat heads into churches or the funerals of service men and women
That's just ridiculous and never happens.
48. smells strongly of fish due to bad hygiene
I'm obsessively clean.
49. Has a vast, gaping maw of foulness and acrimony where an anus would
normally be
I wouldn't be able to walk if that were true. Why are you people so obsessed with gaping anuses?
50. Sees no problem with fornicating with beasts
Not into that. Some people are...that's their thing.
51. Dances.
Dancing. Seriously? There are so many forms of dance I don't even know where to begin. It keeps you healthy, it's good for your mood, improves coordination, and has so many other advantages. Dancing is so much fun and a beautiful art form.
52. Wears artificial Satan ears and makes devil signs, keeps saying everything is "illogical".
I don't get the illogical part, but once again...
WITCHES/WICCANS
DO
NOT
WORSHIP
SATAN.
IT
IS
A
MYTH
53. Spends more than five minutes in the shower, likely to wash away all evidence of blood and entrails, as well as attempting to wash away subconscious shame of turning against Jesus.
I take long showers because they feel nice and water is a great healer. And how do you expect me to wash this mass of hair in under five minutes?
54. M*sturbates.
Masturbation is a good, natural thing. If you think about it, it's actually kind of a comical concept.
55. enjoys rough s*x
Never had it, so no idea.
56. injects weeds (junkie)
First of all, you can't inject weed. That's heroin. For another thing, I think that weed's only good use is to help people in hospitals. Otherwise drugs in general are not a good idea.
57. enjoys long visits to the graveyard ( where they dig up freshly dug children for there s*x rituals)
Graveyards unsettle me. And that is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard of in my life. Like I said before, Christians come up with a lot of these myths out of hate for Witches/Wiccans.
58: Always uses the salutation 'blessed be.'
A kind, departing phrase that only sends good wishes. And yes, I use it.
59. Intentionally misspells "magic," e.g., "magick" or "madzhyq"
It's not a misspelling. Technically "magic" is the misspelling because "magick"is the traditional spelling. I use the different spellings to define different kinds. "Magic" is stage magic, like pulling rabbits out of hats, and parlor tricks (which Witches or Wiccans are not usually a part of). "Magick" refers to witchcraft.
60. Claims to be able to use "magick" but always has an excuse prepared when asked to demonstrate the ability to do so
And again, the previous answer explains it best:
You obviously don't know how our Magick works, then. It is all about focusing energy towards your end goal, and most believe in the Threefold Law, which states that what one sends out, one shall receive back threefold. Also, negative energy should never be sent, as it is said to not work at all, and just immediately return back to you. I personally like casting spells of protection, giving charms for headache relief, that sort of thing.
61: secretly wants to kill themselves to attract attention for their own sexual gratification.
That makes no sense.
62. They are prompted by Satan to go to True Christian™ forums and constantly disrupt fellowship and threads of important and vital information
This "information" is wrong. That's why I'm here. You are spreading lies about our craft because you know nothing about it. That's why I am here, so let you know that what you've heard about us is wrong. We are good, peaceful people that only wish to stop the discrimination against our nature-loving ways.
63. Watches Disney television.
Excuse me? Okay, this is really personal territory now. I am an intern to be an
animator for Disney. The company has brought so much joy to so many people and will continue to do so in the future. Walt Disney himself was a wonderful man; I should know, I've read his bibliography back to front. But also,
it's just a freaking cartoon. I really can't think of anyone who was corrupted because they watched a Disney film or show.
64: Has one or more tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 means as much to a Wicca as any other part of God's Word
I don't have any, but I think people who do have them are really cool. It's a great form of self-expression.
65. Plays the satanic minecraft!
How on earth is minecraft satanic?? And I don't play games.
66. Has pagan friends!
I'm a solitary witch.
67. Fornicates to porn!
A lot of people do. I personally don't.
68. Reads Percy Jackson (even worse than Harry Potter)
Never read it, but who cares?
It's fiction.
69. Watches Doctor Who (Satan's television)
Never watched it. But again:
FICTION
70. Refuses to read God's Holy Words, the Bible.
A valuable, historical work that has some very good moral guidelines. The thing is, like most scriptures, it can be translated in many different ways. It can be used for hate and it can be used for love. Like anything else, people can use it to abuse others. It was also written by men, and by Christian logic, men are sinners. And what is an example of sin? Dishonesty. Men can be dishonest and are so great extents. Therefore I don't believe the Bible can be believed word for word, that's why I left it. I have nothing solid to follow, so I follow my heart and emotions, which led me to nature.
71. Won't pay attention during class.
Straight A student. I work very hard at my artwork.
72. Listen's to rap music (the nerve!)
What's wrong with rap music? I don't have an opinion on it but it makes a lot of people happy and inspired.
73. Tortures flies.
I kill them to get rid of danger but I don't torture anything.
74. Backtalks to their elders!
I only give respect to those who give me respect, not matter their age.
75. Supports Obama!
I hate him.
76. Diets instead of eating wholesome American food.
I only eat natural foods. Processed foods makes me physically ill.
77. Has random bloodstains in their room (unless they are female, for that could be something else entirely...)
That's gross.
78. Treats foreigners as equals.
A person is a person and a living being on the beautiful earth. Unless they are causing harm to others, they deserve as much as anyone else.
79. Your' child pays off their credit cards every month
Don't have one, but if I did that sounds like a responsible thing to do.
62. Has salt sprinkled along the windowsill.
Salt is a cleansing mineral and can get rid of bacteria in wounds. It's very good for you, so I don't see why it's a bad thing.
63. Always keeps a broom right next to the door
We don't ride them, contrary to popular belief. We use them to cast away evil and forbid them to enter.
64. Wears bloody diapers
By this do you mean pads? They're very useful, you know.
65. Uses reusable tampons and cloth menstrual pads when out in public. Sits under a tree and lets the moss absorb the womanly fluids when at home
Reusable tampons are disgusting and unhealthy, as well as cloth pads. And the tree and moss thing...yeah never heard of it.
66. Watches Oprah
I don't watch her, but what does she have to do with anything?
69. Has taken a job away from a man.
I wouldn't want to take a job from anyone, no matter the gender.
70. Injects embryonic stem cells into their nether regions.
Huh?
71. Indulges in mindless feminazi tantrums when confronted with God's own truth
Once again, I am not a feminazi.
72. Consistently experiences disappointment after publicly performing cunnilingus on menstruating lesbians to make herself more attractive to men
I have no idea what that means. Never heard of it.
73. Forages through Christian garbage cans for hair and nail clippings to use them in their evil spells
That's gross. And we don't work with evil spirits.
74. combs their hair with fish bones
Disgisting. Not to mention it wouldn't work.
75. uses an inordinate amount of talcum powder
Don't know what that is.
76. Makes wine out of the blood of Christian babies.
How do you go about making blood into wine, exactly? And that's a disgusting myth. And as I said before, anyone who hurts a child will feel my wrath.
77. Washes in urine exclusively
EWWWW
78. Refuses to watch the Olympics but somehow still finds a way to cheer against America.
I always root for our country. I love the Olympics. Who said we were anti-American?? You can't get much more Proud American than me.
79. Only became a fan of Justin Bieber after reading Landover Baptist Church's damning expose on how he is a gateway drug to the homos*xual agenda.
Justin Bieber is a disgrace to my generation.
80. After aborting her unborn baby, expresses her unused milk for unholy c*cktails with her coven
Where do you guys come up with these things?? That's horrible! And I'm a solitary Green Witch, I do not belong to anyone or anything!
Okay, so that was my spin on things. I'm not here to flame or hate, only to politely correct false information and maybe educate a little, because I can't stand seeing our craft and beliefs ridiculed simply because of fall knowledge. It is said that people fear and hate what they do not know. I am sensing that with all of you. So I got an account so I could let everyone know that the assumptions that go with witchcraft is usually false. Witches and Wiccans, as I've said a million times, are peaceful, kind, and happy. We're basically the original tree-huggers that just want to love everything and have everyone love them. Anyone who does otherwise is not a true Witch or Wiccan. We do not force or solicit our beliefs, but we welcome those who want to learn. The things that you guys associate with witchcraft all sounds like Black Magick, which is rarely performed nowadays and is looked down upon by all other kinds of witchcraft. But because it's the black side of something, that's what people tend to focus on. And even Black Magick doesn't include any of the things you guys are bringing up, here.