General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 05:39 AM
I have been very concerned about the amount of masturbation "M" threads here and the amount of "M" talk that goes around in this Satan filled World.
All True Christians know you will go to HELL for it and unsaved trash thinks it is "cool".
I wanted to do something to make a stand against "M'ing" and wanted to make a subtle statement that says it isn't cool and yet doesn't mention the "M" word.
So, folks I came up with this T-shirt. Hands off! This shirt will quietly and confidently set you apart from HELLBOUND "M'ers". When you see another True Christian with this T-shirt on in a crowded mall or even in another State while on vacation you will instantly know that he or she is part of the Anti-M club AND a True Christian (you can also give them a knowing wink because you will know you are part of thisv ery special HEAVENBOUND elite club ).
I have a feeling this T-shirt will really take off among the young adults.
Place your orders today.
SIZE:
__ XL (Qnty___) ____ L (Qnty___) M____(Qnty___) S___(Qnty___)
(Please keep in mind that these will be made in Brother Worthington's Malasian factory and may run small or contain lead.)
Please PM me with your Credit Card information and any special shipping instructions.
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Professor of Creation Science at Landover University Double PhD. Theomathematics, Racial Science Returned from 10 year South Africa Expedition
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,988
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returned from studying the negro in Africa.
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 05:43 AM
Since they run small, you better put me down for a Men's Medium.
Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University
Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!
Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 05:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer
Since they run small, you better put me down for a Men's Medium.
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I'll put you down for one Mens size medium.
Thanks for joining the club!
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(not a Jew)
True Christian™
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Posts: 700
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Landover University, Dept of Creation Science
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 06:14 PM
Ahh, if they only had a running shorts version of this! Such a Godly message that would be, front AND back.
I'll take a shirt anyway, and please make it XL. I like to wear one while swimming so that I don't attract the attention of homers. But if it too tight then it defeats the purpose.
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Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Romans 1:20 For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: 2 Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
___________________
Connect with me on:
Facebook -- Youtube -- Twitter
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 06:24 PM
Oh Sister Thumper is starting up her "Stop Ming for men series". GLORY!
Brothers, if you haven't seen Sister Thumper do this special ministry of hers you are really missing a truly Godly moment. Trust me listing to Sister Thumper's witnessing and your mind will be purged of any sinful thoughts of secular harlots and homors.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 444
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ottawa, KS, soon to move to Freehold, Iowa!
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 10:15 PM
Sister, I am curious about this. I want to help you promote your Godly cause in any way possible, but of course the Mary Claire and Mary Therese keep me awfully busy in that area, so of course there is no temptation (and no energy) left to "M." May we still buy some T-Shirts?
If so, we would like a Men's XL, a women's L and a womens' M. Come to think of it, perhaps it should be a womens' M and a womens' S. Have you laundered these yet? How do they look wet?
In Christ,
Warren
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,765
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 10:33 PM
I blame women for this whole Onanism problem. If they didn't dress like sluts, guys wouldn't constantly feel the need to violate God's will like this. Hell, if Eve hadn't tricked Adam into eating the forbidden fruit, men wouldn't even know that naked women were naked:
And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:9-12
Luckily, you'll never find me spanking the monkey over some woman.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,727
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-20-2009, 10:51 PM
Sign me up, Sister Thumper! I would personally like to order two t-shirts for me (that way I can wear one while the other is being washed). However, I see you don't have XXXL size available. Is there a way you can pre-order some special sizes from maybe a "Big and Husky" vendor? Thank you.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bay Area, CA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-22-2009, 04:22 PM
Those are some ugly shirts.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-22-2009, 05:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by swartkrans
Those are some ugly shirts.
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They're supposed to make you not masturbate, not sex you up.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bay Area, CA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
08-23-2009, 06:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
They're supposed to make you not masturbate, not sex you up.
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Mission accomplished!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 145
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Godless Europistan
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 07:56 AM
Dear Miss Johnson
I would join this Anti-Masturbation Club.
How to do it ?
Is there any term and condition, or something ?
thanks
blessings.
Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 08:17 AM
put me down for ˝ dozen size 8's.
I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.
One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.
In particular, this bit:
What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 09:04 AM
Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Anti La Leche League Organizer
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,807
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: VT--the Green Mountain State
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 09:23 AM
How to spot a wanker:
There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance. It’s not magic, but solid human observation. Up to a half an hour after the act, the perpetrator’s face has several telltale signs. Facial muscles are far more relaxed than they normally are, minimizing the depth of creases and fine lines. On the other hand, the flesh of the cheeks and forehead is puffy and pink, flush with heightened circulation. There is evidence of fatigue everywhere, from a low hanging jaw to glassy eyes. This is compounded by a general guilt or nervousness as seen in the eyes and posture. It is the apparent contradiction of these characteristics– physically relaxed but psychologically bubbling with a shameful secret– that is the greatest indicator that someone has just masturbated.
More helpful information at:
http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to...a-masturbator/
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 04:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor
put me down for ˝ dozen size 8's.
I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.
One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.
In particular, this bit:
Attachment 18405
What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?
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Isn't Prince Albert one of the Queen of England's children with rather large ears?
I've heard they are all sex craved perverts, whores and adulterers.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 04:52 PM
Hello Brethren and Sistren,
Please join our Anti-Masturbation Group - Handz Off for JESUS!
http://www.landoverbaptist.net/group.php?groupid=31
http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/u...m-2.jpg?cb5e28
Please be sure to share your stories about how you were able to refrain from self molesting while you are there!
GLORY!
Sister Thumper
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 08:10 PM
I have joined your group, and I will definitely as the fellows from G.A.P.E. if they'd be interested in holding a fundraiser in support of it.
Also, regarding these tee shirts, I'm a bit stocky, and have strangely gained a lot of weight since I quit m-ing. Do you think it might be possible to custom order one in a 3XL for me?
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 08:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan
Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?
YIC
Jack
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Brother, how very thoughtful of you to think of these little sinners. I would be glad to donate a box of size small to them because it's the Christian thing to do.
However, does your friend know he is wasting his time because cripples can't go to Heaven?
Anyway, let me know where to send the T-shirts.
Kind, generous and helpful,
Sister Thumper
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 179
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: on the path to heaven
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Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today! -
03-02-2012, 08:38 PM
Exodus 21:20-21
20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
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