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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:40 PM
Go!
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:43 PM
Please make Marta recant her Catholicism and get baptised your name.
Love you.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Unsaved trash, Christ-killing joo
True Christian™
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Posts: 95
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:45 PM
Say "Jesus", does this ring a bell?
Revelation 22:7 "Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book."
I don't believe any rational person can reconcile 2012 years with "quickly". Will you make these simpletons wait another two thousand years? Or will they sooner realize they have been had by a homeless magician responsible for the biggest hoax ever perpetuated?
In any event, you are welcome in our temples my friends, once you have abandoned the superstitious folly. Life can be much more simple.
Shalom,
David
Acts 14:2 But the unbelieving Jews stirred up the Gentiles, and made their minds evil affected against the brethren.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Rothstein
Say "Jesus", does this ring a bell?
Revelation 22:7 "Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book."
I don't believe any rational person can reconcile 2012 years with "quickly". Will you make these simpletons wait another two thousand years? Or will they sooner realize they have been had by a nomadic magician responsible for the biggest hoax ever perpetuated?
In any event, you are welcome in our temples my friends, once you have abandoned the superstitous folly. Life can be much more simple.
Shalom,
David
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Nice. Do you always go around pissing on birthday cakes?
Shouldn't you be at some chinaman restaurant today? I've heard that's how you guys mock the birth of Christ.
Yours in Christ (NOT WOODY ALLEN),
Zech
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PHD - Theophysicist Saving The Lost With The Truth Of Applied Theoscience
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,087
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In the Lamb's book of life
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 05:14 PM
Lord, when You were 12, You astonished the teachers in the Temple with Your infinite wisdom. Could You please tell us what You actually said that was so amazing?
Lk 2:42-47
42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast.
43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.
44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.
45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.
46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.
47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.
| Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babies |
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 06:24 PM
Bless you, Pim Pedergast. You are on my good list.
We were discussing my/my father's negotiation with Abraham over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
You remember don't you? If he could find ten righteous men, I/my father wouldn't destroy the place.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 06:31 PM
Savior sir, I've always wondered something. Why did you bother creating things like poisonous snakes, spiders and scorpions? Personally, I would have left those out. Or at least made Saved® men immune to their venom.
Just wondering.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 60
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Looking for Christ in the tundra of Finland
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 06:32 PM
Lord, I actually have a question, but as I am only a female, feel free to answer me or not.
Sometimes it happens, that my husband asks me to do things, like wearing make up or expensive necklaces made of gold or pearls, which aren't mentioned like this in the bible. I am confused now. Should I follow the bible to every word or do my husband a favor, as the husband the head of the wife, as You are the head of the church. Is it right to please my husband with such things?
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Unsaved Trash, degenerate godmocker
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pastor Zeke is my anal slave.
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 06:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
Bless you, Pim Pedergast. You are on my good list.
We were discussing my/my father's negotiation with Abraham over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
You remember don't you? If he could find ten righteous men, I/my father wouldn't destroy the place.
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Why aren't you speaking your native language? Btw how is Mary doing?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 14
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Submitting To My Husbands Beatings.
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 07:14 PM
Lord Jesus I pray that the storms in my area pass, and I pray everyone is OK. I pray that you keep protecting our soldiers, and I pray that you are having a happy birthday, and Lord Jesus Christ I pray that you bless those less fortunate then us, and Lord Jesus I pray that gays, and heathens will roast in hell, or be saved. Lord Jesus Christ I pray you return soon to rapture me, and these good Chrisitan people away. Yours in You.
I don't want anything from you. Its your birthday not mine. Happy birthday Jesus!
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Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
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Posts: 9,051
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Rothstein
Say "Jesus", does this ring a bell?
Revelation 22:7 "Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book."
I don't believe any rational person can reconcile 2012 years with "quickly". Will you make these simpletons wait another two thousand years? Or will they sooner realize they have been had by a nomadic magician responsible for the biggest hoax ever perpetuated?
In any event, you are welcome in our temples my friends, once you have abandoned the superstitous folly. Life can be much more simple.
Shalom,
David
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Don't you think it's in bad taste to question the very Messiah that you people killed?
Typical joo
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-25-2012, 04:59 PM
It has only been a couple of days to me. It may be a couple of more before I am ready to return. Peter wrote all about this in his second epistle while I guided his hand of course.
And David, it is this attitude that got you people holocausted a few minutes ago. Don't make me and my daddy do it again.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 12
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 05:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus
Go!
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Dear Jesus ... praise You!!!!
Although Your birthday is technically over, I was wondering if I could humbly ask You a question. As I'm sure You already know, my soon-to-be ex-husband misrepresented himself as a Christian man when, in fact, he is actually a queer, You-mocking Sodomite! For the 10+ years we were married, he hid his true nature from me. Pardon me for speaking offensively to You, but he only ever had relations with me in my bottom-hole, insisting that it was ok to do that and forcing it upon me. Looking back, I guess I should have seen this abhorrent behavior for what it really was, but I guess I'm a little naive.
Jesus, my Lord and Savior, I repent of my deviant ways! I should have asked to be stoned to death before allowing my degenerate husband to use his tallywhacker on me in ways that disgraced me in Your eyes!!
(I apologize for rambling on so, my sweet, sweet Jesus, but I wanted to confess my sins aloud before You and the True Christians of this blessed forum ... even before the atheists and other non-believers so that my humble atonement may be an example to them.)
So my question is this: since my ass-plundering husband never so much as touched my lady parts, and I have never lain with any other man, does that mean I am still a virgin?? And that there is potential for me to someday find a True Christian husband to serve and obey (if You will it to be so)?
I am prostrate on my knees before You in humble supplication, hopefully awaiting Your answer. Thank You, Jesus!!!
P.S. Hope you had a very Happy Birthday
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." - Ephesians 5:22
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 05:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JudgeNot!
Dear Jesus ... praise You!!!!
Although Your birthday is technically over, I was wondering if I could humbly ask You a question. As I'm sure You already know, my soon-to-be ex-husband misrepresented himself as a Christian man when, in fact, he is actually a queer, You-mocking Sodomite! For the 10+ years we were married, he hid his true nature from me. Pardon me for speaking offensively to You, but he only ever had relations with me in my bottom-hole, insisting that it was ok to do that and forcing it upon me. Looking back, I guess I should have seen this abhorrent behavior for what it really was, but I guess I'm a little naive.
Jesus, my Lord and Savior, I repent of my deviant ways! I should have asked to be stoned to death before allowing my degenerate husband to use his tallywhacker on me in ways that disgraced me in Your eyes!!
(I apologize for rambling on so, my sweet, sweet Jesus, but I wanted to confess my sins aloud before You and the True Christians of this blessed forum ... even before the atheists and other non-believers so that my humble atonement may be an example to them.)
So my question is this: since my ass-plundering husband never so much as touched my lady parts, and I have never lain with any other man, does that mean I am still a virgin?? And that there is potential for me to someday find a True Christian husband to serve and obey (if You will it to be so)?
I am prostrate on my knees before You in humble supplication, hopefully awaiting Your answer. Thank You, Jesus!!!
P.S. Hope you had a very Happy Birthday
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How dare you talk about sodomy in the presence of Our Lord? Do you think our all-knowing Savior wants to know about that?
As to your question regarding whether your virginity is intact, I'm sure you could find plenty of Catholics who would tell you that it is, but I suspect The Creator of the Universe will tell you otherwise.
The good news, however, is that if you are truly repentant, and if you TRULY devote your life to serving Him, and you pray and read your Bible every day, it is entirely possible that He will allow you to reclaim your virginity.
Shout GLORY!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 12
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 06:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
How dare you talk about sodomy in the presence of Our Lord? Do you think our all-knowing Savior wants to know about that?
As to your question regarding whether your virginity is intact, I'm sure you could find plenty of Catholics who would tell you that it is, but I suspect The Creator of the Universe will tell you otherwise.
The good news, however, is that if you are truly repentant, and if you TRULY devote your life to serving Him, and you pray and read your Bible every day, it is entirely possible that He will allow you to reclaim your virginity.
Shout GLORY!
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Dear Brother Faith Machine,
I certainly did not mean to offend our Lord or any members of this Holy forum with my sordid tales of sodomy; scalding tears of remorse pour down my cheeks at the very thought!! Please forgive me my womanly stupidity.
Sir, I must respectfully say that I care not a bit what any idol-worshipping Catholic might say on the matter of my virginity; it is only the decree of the Almighty that concerns me!
It is such relief to know that, through devotion, subservience, and repentance, I may someday reclaim my bottom-hole virginity. No one but Jesus Himself can restore purity to even the nastiest of orifices!
Praise Jesus, and God bless you Brother!
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." - Ephesians 5:22
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 06:25 AM
You certainly do have the right attitude! Tell us, does this husband of yours have a life insurance policy?
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 12
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 06:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
You certainly do have the right attitude! Tell us, does this husband of yours have a life insurance policy?
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He does, Brother Faith Machine. But soon after we separated, he quickly changed his beneficiary from me to someone else ... presumably naming one of his sissy paramours with whom he's probably mincing about in San Francisco or New York City or some other faggoty, sin-infested city right at this very moment. Sweet weeping baby Jesus, please save us from these vile perverts!
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." - Ephesians 5:22
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 621
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In the sweet Love of God who is Elohim.
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 11:46 PM
Such a shame. Did Jesus fly back to heaven until next Christmas?
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True Christian™
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Posts: 808
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozarks, MO
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 11:52 PM
Jesus didn't "go" anywhere, you English fool. He is still here, among us. Just as He was in the beginning. He is also, simultaneously in all places and at all times.
Jesus is God; didn't you know that? Anyway, this is Jesus's thread, not yours, Spaniel Coalbridge.
Praise You Jesus, and I hope You got all my presents. I always try to give You as much as possible.
YBIC
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True Christian™
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Posts: 808
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ozarks, MO
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Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child. -
12-27-2012, 11:52 PM
Jesus didn't "go" anywhere, you English fool. He is still here, among us. Just as He was in the beginning. He is also, simultaneously in all places and at all times.
Jesus is God; didn't you know that? Anyway, this is Jesus's thread, not yours, Spaniel Coalbridge.
Praise You Jesus, and I hope You got all my presents. I always try to give You as much as possible.
YBIC
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