[Magikarp]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

That "Animal Cops" show on Animal Planet is a complete work of fiction, just like any of the other numerous "cop" shows on TV like Hawaii Five-Oh and CHIPS. Where in the United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights does it mention anything about animals? It is some kind of PITA dream that was started by the LIEbrals to undermine the teachings of the Bible (KJV1611) and Genesis where God gives man dominion over all the animals.

While we're on the subject of Animal Planet, it was started by the LIEbrals as a cheap channel where the "animals" do all the acting so that they don't have to pay actors a living wage to produce real programs. The LIEbrals like to make you think that they are on the side of the "working man", but nothing could be further from the truth. They are doing nothing but putting actors out of work.

But I digress, this seems to be another thread that was derailed by someone – probably Old Iron Crotch. We were talking about cats, and I am violently allergic to them and I sympathize with Rev. Todd.

I've always loved the electric bug zappers and maintain about a dozen of them for deployment in my back yard during the summer. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing that sharp crackle as another troublesome insect gets dispatched. I'm thinking that these devices could easily be scaled to accommodate cats.

Animal Planet lost all hope of me watching it when they came out with The Jeff Corwin Experience. That is singlehandedly the worst show I've ever seen, and I've sat through 2 whole hours of PBS before. Oh, and if you need any proof of Jeff Corwin being a waste of a good show, his "Yeti Special" episode consisted mainly of AP and Corwin selling out to Disney. I had to laugh at it though, he never found a "yeti", the whole thing was a waste of time, and it, again, consisted mainly of Disney peddling their wares on AP.

[DogSpitAsshatBitch]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

That "Animal Cops" show on Animal Planet is a complete work of fiction, just like any of the other numerous "cop" shows on TV like Hawaii Five-Oh and CHIPS. Where in the United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights does it mention anything about animals? It is some kind of PITA dream that was started by the LIEbrals to undermine the teachings of the Bible (KJV1611) and Genesis where God gives man dominion over all the animals.

While we're on the subject of Animal Planet, it was started by the LIEbrals as a cheap channel where the "animals" do all the acting so that they don't have to pay actors a living wage to produce real programs. The LIEbrals like to make you think that they are on the side of the "working man", but nothing could be further from the truth. They are doing nothing but putting actors out of work.

But I digress, this seems to be another thread that was derailed by someone – probably Old Iron Crotch. We were talking about cats, and I am violently allergic to them and I sympathize with Rev. Todd.

I've always loved the electric bug zappers and maintain about a dozen of them for deployment in my back yard during the summer. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing that sharp crackle as another troublesome insect gets dispatched. I'm thinking that these devices could easily be scaled to accommodate cats.

Animals were here before humans were ever created. I do not care what the bible says about that subject because it is wrong about the animals. If you have any pets you should never hit them. That would be wrong for you to hurt those cats. Animal Planet is not real. You are wrong.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

Animals were here before humans were ever created. I do not care what the bible says about that subject because it is wrong about the animals. If you have any pets you should never hit them. That would be wrong for you to hurt those cats. Animal Planet is not real. You are wrong.

You can't possibly believe that an Animal Planet show like "Meerkat Manor" is a complete work of non-fiction. Having a narrator ascribe all kinds of anthropomorphic motives to a bunch of rodent like members of the mongoose family is about on par with the fiction of the average sitcom or the day-time soap-opera fare on TV.

I suppose that you will also advance the notion that the "Daily Show" on Comedy Central is reality "news" and that Fox News is comedy entertainment. I'm not surprised, as you have already indicated that you think that the Bible (KJV1611) is a work of fiction.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I was thinking about this one. The fault seems to lie with the fact that the boundaries are large and citronella sprayed around them would just evaporate and the mosquitoes and cats would be back.

And then it struck me! Soak cats in citronella and hang ‘em up by their tails from the trees. That should last a few weeks until you need new cats. Job done!


Well done Dances with Joy, you just didn’t take the idea far enough.

Praise! Mr. Bathfire, you succeed again. I think you should patent this invention, AND include a photo in that World Animal Day:Animals in God's Service slide show we were discussing!

What a glorious way to put filthy, disease-ridden cats to use in the Lord's service!

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

I've always loved the electric bug zappers and maintain about a dozen of them for deployment in my back yard during the summer. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing that sharp crackle as another troublesome insect gets dispatched. I'm thinking that these devices could easily be scaled to accommodate cats.

Indeed they can, sir. Before reading Mr. Bathfire's brilliant cat-repellant-cats idea, I'd regularly rubbed a bug zapper with tuna fish and catnip, then hung it a few inches above a shallow bubbler water feature. The cats stand in the shallow water and bat at the cage. Talk about a satisfying crackle!

Originally Posted by DogSpitAsshat

Animals were here before humans were ever created. I do not care what the bible says about that subject because it is wrong about the animals.

Miss Hat, here we see that you really have no knowledge whatsoever about the Bible. This explains your consistent attacks on God's religion, Christianity.

At my church, every child knows by the age of three that God created animals before He created humans. A full day before, in fact. So you see, you agree completely with what the Bible says on that subject.

I do see that you acknowledge that humans were created, not "evolved". Perhaps there is hope for you yet, Miss Hat!

[SayvedByTheLord]

I am coming in a bit late on this thread but as always I am inspired by the keen insight on God's Own Forum.

I have always just given cats LSD (a scientific experiment of course) as you can see by my avatar. However this is a much more practical solution and will give the dogs something to play with too.

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I was thinking about this one. The fault seems to lie with the fact that the boundaries are large and citronella sprayed around them would just evaporate and the mosquitoes and cats would be back.

And then it struck me! Soak cats in citronella and hang ‘em up by their tails from the trees. That should last a few weeks until you need new cats. Job done!


Well done Dances with Joy, you just didn’t take the idea far enough.

[FundamentalExtremist]

I find that ignoring what my wife has to say 9/10ths of the time is quite useful because 9/10ths of the time she just talks about pointless gossip.

[Claire]

Originally Posted by RevColinJamesTodd

Fellow brothers in Christ,

Today I talk to you, not as a Pastor, but as a friend.

You know, it is easy to ignore your other half. To take her for granted. To never listen what she has to say. Yes, I know 9 times out of 10 what she has to say is generally unimportant. Yes, I know it is easy to just ‘switch off’ to her constant yammering. It is easy to just nod acceptingly when she talks, and ignore every single grating word that comes out of her sweet irritating little mouth.

But I urge you, brothers in Christ, to LISTEN to your wives! Yes, I know it is a lot to ask for. But on the odd occasion when she DOES have something important to tell you, and you ignore her, it may have dire consequences.

Just imagine what would happen if you came home one night to your wife, never listened to one word she had to tell you, and just dragged her off to bed to carry out your marital pleasure on her. What if she had her ‘curse’, and that was what she was trying to tell you? And you ignored her? You would be unclean like her for almost a week, and not be able to talk to any of your friends for almost a week, in case you made them unclean too! All because you never listened to your wife!

Let me illustrate my point with THIS true story that happened to me –

Last summer we had wonderful weather here in Massachusetts. One particularly warm summer’s day I was out in the garden, tending to the vegetables, when I saw this little ball of fluff running across the grass. A playful little kitten. I remember looking towards the house, seeing the look in my wife’s eyes, as I walked towards the little furry fuzz ball.

At first the cat was wary of me, but I knelt down to it’s level and started making encouraging ‘purring’ noises, and soon the kitten started to warm to me. I remember distinctly crawling across the grass making cat noises, as it moved cautiously towards me. Then it reaching to me, and rubbing it’s head against my hand, purring contently. The filthy Godless creature never saw it coming…

I grabbed it by the throat, and slammed 5 hard rapid punches into the face! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! … and the vicious little thug did THIS to me ….

Attachment 3779

You know, my wife is afraid of cats. She has nightmares about them every night. Every time a cat comes into out back yard, my wife starts shaking uncontrollably and screaming. I used to think she was just being a typical irrational woman. She always warned me how filthy and dangerous those creatures could be, but I never listened. And look where it got me. My arm was sore for days, all because I never listened to what she had to say.

Now I listen to my wife. I put up some ‘No Trespassing’ warning signs, stating that all cats must keep out of our property. Setting cat traps around our perimeter. I start each morning by putting more poison down in the back yard, and gathering the dead cats from the night before. Now my wife has a happier life, and she is able to leave the house and go into the garden without fear of disease or attack. Glory!

So I hope you heed my message, brothers in Christ. Listen to your wives! I am NOT asking you to agree with them, or even respect their opinions. But LISTEN! Who knows, maybe one day she’ll have something important to say, that DOES make sense.


In Christ,

Rev C J Todd
God’s Hammer

If I was there and witnessed you harming that poor little kitten, you would not have seen the light of day ever again. I would have made you wish that you had never been born. Mark my words. And I know that I'm going to get one of Pastor Butthurt's lame little infractions, but I don't care. No animal, especially a baby one, deserves to be punched in the face.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Claire

If I was there and witnessed you harming that poor little kitten, you would not have seen the light of day ever again. I would have made you wish that you had never been born. Mark my words. And I know that I'm going to get one of Pastor Butthurt's lame little infractions, but I don't care. No animal, especially a baby one, deserves to be punched in the face.

Cats are very helpful in Biblical Science

[Claire]

So, as expected, Pastor Butthurt issued me another infraction for my threat against the abusive, cat-hating idiot who started this thread. He told me to expect a "knock on my door" when I least expect it

Haha, I'm shaking in my little boots!

I stand by my threat. I'm a Veterinary Technology student and the owner of two sweet cats; I don't take animal abuse lightly.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

As a lezbean, I suppose you've snipped bits off the male one?

[Claire]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Cats are very helpful in Biblical Science

I extend my threat to you, Ezekiel Bathfire.

Oh, and I just received another infraction from Pastor Butthurt. Apparently I hurt his feelings. So, I guess he doesn't like being insulted, either.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Claire

I extend my threat to you, Ezekiel Bathfire.

Well, there's gratitude! I was going to offer you some of the less injured ones but I'll put them in the mincer instead.

[James Hutchins]

Cats are the devils' needle clawed minions. They need to be elminated any method possible.
Fortunately, my dogs are pretty good cat catchers. Saves on kibble too. The Missus brings a few dogs when she goes to do the food shopping, The silly pups, always manage to gobble up a few kittens around back at the dumpster.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Claire

I stand by my threat. I'm a Veterinary Technology student and the owner of two sweet cats; I don't take animal abuse lightly.

Then what do you think of PZ Myers, Famous Atheist, mutilating his cat?