[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Friends,

God has recently chosen to punish the Mary-worshipping, Marihuana-inventing, illegally-immigrating, job-stealing, lazy Mexicans with a plague*.

This plague has so far neutralized 60+ Mexicans, mostly young adults, the demographic group most hateful to the LORD.

This "Swine Flu" doesn't actually have anything to do with pigs - RibFest '09 will not be affected. It is simply called "Swine Flu" because God wanted to add insult to injury - God is calling Mexicans pigs.

I am asking all bretheren to pray for God's will to be done, and for the scientists who are looking for vaccines to fail in their efforts to thwart God's will.

Pray that the world learns the lesson God is trying to teach us with the plague: That sins like sloth, drug smoking, following false religions like the Papist Cult, and causing the recession by stealing jobs from Real Americans, WILL BE PUNISHED. GOD WILL NOT BE MOCKED!

* Don't believe Diseases are a punishment sent from God? Here are some Bible verses to consult:

Exodus 9:9-11 God punishes a sinful nation with Boils

Leviticus 14:34 God punshes a nation with "the plague of leprosy"

Num.11:33 For no obvious reason "the wrath of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD smote the people with a very great plague."

Num.14:36-37God killed those that murmured against him with a plague.

1 Samuel 5:6-12 God punshes an entire nation with hemorrhoids "in their secret parts."

2 Samuel 24:13 To punish theJews, God sends a pestilence, killing 70,000 men (and probably around 200,000 women and children).

2 Kings 5:27 God makes a man, and all of his decendents, lepers forever.


UPDATE: While we offer our prayers of thanks to the LORD, let us also remember to thank the Republicans in congress who helped this miracle of the LORD along, and are standing against those who work to thwart God's will.

Here's a Wall Street Journal editorial by Karl Rove where he attacks Obama's porkulus because it contains "$462 million for the Centers for Disease Control, and $900 million for pandemic flu preparations."

Here's the result:

The House of Representatives had included $900 million in pandemic preparedness funds in its version of the massive stimulus package, but it appeared that all but $50 million was removed...

UPDATE #2:

Make sure to buy pork from Smithfield Foods, the factory farm which God chose as his laboratory when He was creating His cleansing plague.

Most of all, thank Department of Health and Human Services secretary Charles Johnson, a Bush-appointed former accountant who is, like Mike Brown of FEMA, is doing "a heck of a job".

We still have a Bush-appointed accountant in charge of the HHS because of Republicans filibustering his Obama-chosen replacement, Kathleen Sebelius. Sing a song of praise to the LORD for blessing us with Republican obstructionism!

[Nobar King]

I'm worried about this, brother Jeb. How will this affect the price of bacon?

Even more troubling: how did those people get the swine flu disease. I hope it's not some kind of kinky farm shenanigans.

[Nurse Clampett]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

I'm worried about this, brother Jeb. How will this affect the price of bacon?

Even more troubling: how did those people get the swine flu disease. I hope it's not some kind of kinky farm shenanigans.

I think , or rather the CDC thinks that bacon is still edible.

Can people catch swine flu from eating pork?
No. Swine influenza viruses are not transmitted by food. You can not get swine influenza from eating pork or pork products. Eating properly handled and cooked pork and pork products is safe. Cooking pork to an internal temperature of 160°F kills the swine flu virus as it does other bacteria and viruses.
How does swine flu spread?
Influenza viruses can be directly transmitted from pigs to people and from people to pigs. Human infection with flu viruses from pigs are most likely to occur when people are in close proximity to infected pigs, such as in pig barns and livestock exhibits housing pigs at fairs. Human-to-human transmission of swine flu can also occur. This is thought to occur in the same way as seasonal flu occurs in people, which is mainly person-to-person transmission through coughing or sneezing of people infected with the influenza virus. People may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or nose.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Originally Posted by Nurse Clampett

I think , or rather the CDC thinks that bacon is still edible.

That's a socialist government source, not a trustworthy one. The Center For Disease Control is an example of wasteful pork spending (pardon the pun) almost as bad as something called "volcano monitoring".

The reason I believe that pork (The good, edible kind, not the volcano monitoring kind) is unaffected, is that God would not create a plague that exempts Jews and Muslims. I trust the word of the LORD more the CDC, which stands for "Center for spenDing-out-of Control".

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond

That's a socialist government source, not a trustworthy one. The Center For Disease Control is an example of wasteful pork spending (pardon the pun) almost as bad as something called "volcano monitoring".

The reason I believe that pork (The good, edible kind, not the volcano monitoring kind) is unaffected, is that God would not create a plague that exempts Jews and Muslims. I trust the word of the LORD more the CDC, which stands for "Center for spenDing-out-of Control".

Aye Brother Jeb, the government needs to get its big brother paws out of disease and let people take responsibility for their own actions. If there wasn't a CDC people would stop choosing to get swine flue so they could take a month or two off from work.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I believe that wiping out the wetback race is another gift from Jesus to His favorite country, America. All of their oil reserves will be ours, not to mention those delicious mountains of Doritos®. Praise Jesus!

[Glendora Christianson]

I am concerned about our gardener, Alberto Gonzales. Today, I noticed that Alberto was coughing as he was cleaning out my bed of Ostrich ferns. Perhaps we should call immigration and hire one of those Korean gardeners instead?

[Rocking for JC]

Why is the CDC trying to stop the Lord our God from calling his children to their final judgment?

Revelation 18:8
Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her: death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Mexican swine flu is God's punishment for wetbacks being Catylicks. The Lord, in his wisdom, also invented sickle-cell anemia to cull the darkies, and AIDS to punish queers.

I can't wait to see what plague Jesus will unleash upon the Arabs. Maybe some flea that lives in their beards, and bites them, causing their tallywackers to shrivel and fall off so that they can't reproduce.

Glory!
Brother Buford

[alptraum]

OK. Normally I wouldn’t even waste my time signing up for a forum, but I just happened across this one and I have to tell you that I am appalled that you people claim to be God’s people. The first post on this thread claims that God is punishing the Mexicans, but I seem to recall that this flu is very much affecting Americans as well. If Jesus were here on this forum do you think he would truly agree with you? I don’t think so. I think he might say, “How dare you judge those people when your own country is the leader in pornography, murder, lust, and adultery“. We are the drug buyers; what does that make us? Our own culture is the epitome of sin and I am repulsed by your very words. You are in fact the swine. The bible clearly speaks of people like you and I am sure if I search hard enough I am sure I will find you referred to as swine. This plague is for all sinners and yes I think that includes you based on your arrogant words. Who are to judge people? You are an imbecile! You want to talk about Mexico’s sin, well what about Columbia, “they happen to make the drugs there”? What about North Korea, “where they worship Kim Jung Ill and he presents himself as Christ”? I suggest you grab your bible and evaluate yourself before God. I only pray that God doesn’t strike your family down for your insolence.
I left the Baptist church and became Catholic. Want to know why? Take a serious look at yourselves and you will see my answer plain as day. John the Baptist is probably spinning in his grave right now!
I am going to pray for you people. I do hope God helps you see the error in your ways.

[Brother Lazarus]

Originally Posted by alptraum

OK. Normally I wouldn’t even waste my time signing up for a forum, but I just happened across this one and I have to tell you that I am appalled that you people claim to be God’s people. The first post on this thread claims that God is punishing the Mexicans, but I seem to recall that this flu is very much affecting Americans as well. If Jesus were here on this forum do you think he would truly agree with you? I don’t think so. I think he might say, “How dare you judge those people when your own country is the leader in pornography, murder, lust, and adultery“. We are the drug buyers; what does that make us? Our own culture is the epitome of sin and I am repulsed by your very words. You are in fact the swine. The bible clearly speaks of people like you and I am sure if I search hard enough I am sure I will find you referred to as swine. This plague is for all sinners and yes I think that includes you based on your arrogant words. Who are to judge people? You are an imbecile! You want to talk about Mexico’s sin, well what about Columbia, “they happen to make the drugs there”? What about North Korea, “where they worship Kim Jung Ill and he presents himself as Christ”? I suggest you grab your bible and evaluate yourself before God. I only pray that God doesn’t strike your family down for your insolence.
I left the Baptist church and became Catholic. Want to know why? Take a serious look at yourselves and you will see my answer plain as day. John the Baptist is probably spinning in his grave right now!
I am going to pray for you people. I do hope God helps you see the error in your ways.

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I notice that you have not posted an introduction. You are a guest here, so please be polite and follow our rules.

Please read the Pastor's Rules and Announcements and pay particular attention to the "noob's" thread. Please post an introduction in the introduction forum. Please be polite.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by alptraum

OK. Normally I wouldn’t even waste my time signing up for a forum,

How can praising The Lord be a waste of time? You sound like a catlick.

but I just happened across this one and I have to tell you that I am appalled that you people claim to be God’s people.

So you are now an authority on God’s taste and His Word?

The first post on this thread claims that God is punishing the Mexicans,

Plagues are “Of God” how else do plagues arise? Is not God the bringer of both life and death?

but I seem to recall that this flu is very much affecting Americans as well.

I bet they’ve got beaner blood in them.

If Jesus were here on this forum do you think he would truly agree with you?

Of course He would, this isn’t open for debate. We follow God’s every word – how could He not agree with us?

I don’t think so.

Is it important what you think or what God thinks?

I think he might say, [irrelevancy deleted]

did you read what I wrote – He’s not bothered what you think. You either agree with Him and are correct or disagree and are wrong. We agree with Him, we are correct.

We are the drug buyers;

speak for yourself junkie!

The bible clearly speaks of people like you

It does indeed “the Elect” seems to ring a bell…

This plague is for all sinners

Beaners get it because they are all mary-worshippers – what worse sin could there be?

Who are to judge people?

I assume we are little different for you who is judging us… or are you mad?

You want to talk about Mexico’s sin, well what about Columbia, “they happen to make the drugs there”?

You are a junkie aren’t you? and you’re worried where your supplies are going to come form.

What about North Korea, “where they worship Kim Jung Ill and he presents himself as Christ”?

Slants are all damned.

I suggest you grab your bible and evaluate yourself before God. I only pray that God doesn’t strike your family down for your insolence.

Very charitable… very Christian…

I left the Baptist church and became Catholic.

Oh dear – I wrote all this in reply to you and you’re a turncoat catlick? Please son, leave the choirboys alone.

Want to know why?

choirboys? Burning handbags of incense? Lovely golden robes? Fishhead hats? Mary worship? Ratslinger’s Gucci shoes? Those wonderfully theatrical masses? Young handsome priests?

Take a serious look at yourselves and you will see my answer plain as day. John the Baptist is probably spinning in his grave right now!

minus is head no doubt as you catlix have at least 3 relics claiming to be his head.

I am going to pray for you people.

We are not afraid of prayers to satan.

[Bob4God]

Brother Bathfire raises nothing but elegant, GODly retorts to your venomous attacks on our precious faith!

And by the way, JESUS is on this forum at all times. Who do you think inspires all of our GODly wisdom? Some monkey worshiper like Richard Dawkings? Steven Hawkins? No, the One True GOD and His three divisions of character!

[Eugene Hackwith]

I'm glad I didn't get a flu vaccine this year. I'm up to date on my tithing and I pray to Jesus every day. What do I have to worry about?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Eugene Hackwith

I'm glad I didn't get a flu vaccine this year. I'm up to date on my tithing and I pray to Jesus every day. What do I have to worry about?

Well, since this pig flu has hit we're asking everyone to kick in with an extra Love Offering, just to be sure you're covered. Praise Jesus!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by alptraum

OK. Normally I wouldn’t even waste my time signing up for a forum, but I just happened across this one and I have to tell you that I am appalled that you people claim to be God’s people. The first post on this thread claims that God is punishing the Mexicans, but I seem to recall that this flu is very much affecting Americans as well.

Let's see . . . 40 confirmed cases in the US, all of whom were recently consorting with Mexicans or related to people who were recently consorting with Mexicans, versus 1,634 confirmed cases in Mexico.

I wouldn't say it's "very much affecting Americans" at all. It's only affecting those who consort with Mexicans, who are nearly all Catholics, who hate Jesus and worship His mother instead.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

It saddens me that atheists, bigots, racists and/or catlix who do not harken unto the Word of The Lord as conveyed by this Godly site.

I hear that Mexico City has now been struck by an earthquake, further punishing these papist beaners.

The Lord is Mighty and The Lord is Just! Praised be the name of The Lord.

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

It saddens me that atheists, bigots, racists and/or catlix who do not harken unto the Word of The Lord as conveyed by this Godly site.

I hear that Mexico City has now been struck by an earthquake, further punishing these papist beaners.

The Lord is Mighty and The Lord is Just! Praised be the name of The Lord.

GLORY Brother GLORY!

The Lord's wrath pouring down upon that next of idolaters and Mary-worshipers. Let us pray the deaths will be in the tens of thousands.

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I hear that Mexico City has now been struck by an earthquake, further punishing these papist beaners.

The Lord is Mighty and The Lord is Just! Praised be the name of The Lord.

Yes, Brother, though it was even closer to Acapulco, and centered on a place called Chimichanga.

The Lord may well be working to clean up this horrid nest of vipers Papists . . . and some of them have realized it!

MEXICO CITY -- A strong earthquake struck central Mexico on Monday, swaying tall buildings in the capital and sending office workers into the streets.

The quake had a magnitude of 5.6 and was centered near Chilpancingo, about 130 miles (210 kilometers) southwest of Mexico City or 50 miles (80 kilometers) from the resort of Acapulco, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

Televisa television network quoted Mexico City officials saying there were no immediate reports of damage or injuries.

The quake rattled nerves in a city already nervous about a swine flu outbreak suspected of killing as many as 149 people nationwide. "I'm scared," said Sarai Luna Pajas, a 22-year-old social services worker standing outside her office building moments after it hit. "We Mexicans are not used to living with so much fear, but all that is happening -- the economic crisis, the illnesses and now this -- it feels like the Apocalypse."

Co-worker Harold Gutierrez, 21, said the country was taking comfort from its religious faith, but he too was gripped by the sensation that the world might be coming to an end.

"If it is, it is God's vengeance," Gutierrez said, speaking over a green mask he wore to ward off swine flu. "Could it be the Pope is wrong?"

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

This is what happens every time the Pope pisses down JESUS' back! Catholicsm is on the rocks.