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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 02:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
Mistress C: I love the architecture of the lovely building you're holidaying in. Is that your doctor in the foreground?
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Yes, that's him (NO capitalizing that in HIS case!), the hook-nose joo, DR. LEVINE...may he burn in the everlasting fire pit from Revelations:something (don't have my Bible)
I've been thinking, here in the linen-closet darkness as I eat discarded pencil erasers for dinner, that in some ways, my case is so like that of my old friend, Frances Farmer. Yeah, the commies got her in the end and she finally fell into the lesbian Lezzie-Loo deathstyle (why we parted ways) but she was shipped off against her will, too....and in her case just because she had her car headlights on in a blackout-zone!
I mean, this whole g-damn "Cherokee Mental Health Institute" outrage started as my single TRAFFIC VIOLATION, and police misunderstandings about one measly MEDICALLY-PRESCRIBED/RECOMMENDED DROP OF BRANDY! (because it's that ONE DROP that put me over the line) (Jeez!)
aNYWAY, I've found my way up into the air vent system but there's only dust and some squashed rodents (???) up there. But I can at least whisper some scripture and hymns down through the ducts into the other patients' rooms at night. They think there's a ghost.
When will I be released?? It all rests on Dr. Niles now.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 02:40 AM
Aahh So you knew my fourth cousin twice removed on the loonyAmerican side of the family
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 02:56 AM
When she was freed from the mental "health" system and older (and post-labotomy), working as a TV host in Indianapolis, Yes. .. I had no idea you were related!!
We tipped back many a glass of medicinal brandy together, but then she seemed too close to her housemate and it all just got uncomfortable. She refused to be Slain in the Spirit and Washed in the Blood of the Lamb, so I eventually switched to a stool at the other end of the bar.
But I still pray for her.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 06:28 AM
Praying for you, Mistress Cookie! "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 06:44 AM
I'm going to get you out of there, Cookie. I've infiltrated this Web forum devoted to appreciating those buildings from an historical standpoint.
While there, I've learnt that the system of air ducts you're crawling around in has an external vent on the East wall, a mere 16 feet off the ground.
I've rented a full-sized SUV and will be waiting outside the fence at 0800 hours. As soon as I see you drop from the vent, I will mow down that fence and have you back on your way to Freehold before you've even had a chance to shout "Glory!"
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 06:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
Praying for you, Mistress Cookie! "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16
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whatever, i mean thanks
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I'm going to get you out of there, Cookie. I've infiltrated this Web forum devoted to appreciating those buildings from an historical standpoint.
While there, I've learnt that the system of air ducts you're crawling around in has an external vent on the East wall, a mere 16 feet off the ground.
I've rented a full-sized SUV and will be waiting outside the fence at 0800 hours. As soon as I see you drop from the vent, I will mow down that fence and have you back on your way to Freehold before you've even had a chance to shout "Glory!"
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PRAISE! At last a PLAN!
And yet, where that air duct meets the outer wall has a thick iron grill in front of it, and huge slippery lug nuts I can barely fit my hand around. I grasp and grasp at the massive oily nuts but they keep slipping out of my hands.
It is no use.
i can see the sky, anyway.
I don't think I can make such a drop in my petite, weakened state. Scurry back to the motel (or are you sleeping in your car now?) under the cover of darkness and wait from word from Good Doctor Niles that release has been arranged.
Niles will not forsake us, I just know it.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 07:06 AM
Oh darn it, Cookie. How I wish I could be at your side to help you with those big, greasy nuts. I have just the tool for it, too.
WARNING:
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 08:43 AM
Good find, Brother Machine.
May I make a suggestion:
If Cookie can find a piece of rope at least 16 ft long (or even tie bedsheets together), she can put that out through the grill when she's ready. At that signal, you mow down the fence, and attach a grappling hook to her rope. She then pulls that up and attaches it to the grill. Then you drive forward and pull that grill out of its foundations. It should come out easily being such an old building. Cookie then drops to the ground (you might dump some soft down cushions on to the ground after you've attached the grappling hook to give her a softer landing). And off you drive.
Please don't do too much damage to the building - I do want it in good condition.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 09:06 AM
That is a heck of an idea, but I'm back at my motel room now, and have had to take a considerable amount of pain killers for my sprained ankle. I think I made it worse today driving the rented SUV. I figured as long as I had the thing, and as long as I was away from my home church, I might as well enjoy a little recreation.
I tell ya, this is really God's country out here.
Anyway, the point is, with me all doped up on those painkillers and my ankle acting up, I don't think I'm going to be much good to anybody tomorrow morning. Maybe we can shoot for Tuesday?
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 09:26 AM
Good to know it wasn't a wasted trip then
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-17-2014, 11:50 AM
Miss Cookie. Good news. My family (well, about half, 30 of us) and I are coming out to Colorado to do some tobogganing and want to stop by the 'rest home'. Perhaps you can mingle with the family and slip out? Please, for Gods sake wear sensible shoes. Those 12" Prada pumps make you stand out in my family who all wear Timberline®.
Do you have a hat with ear flaps?
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-18-2014, 03:19 AM
Cookie, Dear,
I didn't forget you! In fact, I called the TBN prayer line today and also the Prayer Tower at Oral Roberts University. TBN is sending me a lovely key chain in thanks for my prayer request, and ORU told me to tell you to expect a miracle because something good is going to happen to you this very day. Praise Jesus! Since it seems Dr. Niles and Brother Hutchins have you covered, I won't take the drive today but if you aren't out of there by the weekend, well - I'll see what I can do. It is my weekend to help clean the church nursery.
I just can't help but think the LORD is hearing our fervent prayers so it must be His will for you to be where you are at this time. Have you witnessed for Jesus? I can't imagine how frustrating this is for you but know that our faith is headed for Heaven, with the wish that you'll be home very soon. In the meantime, glorify God in all you do as He is in charge of this situation!
Your sister in Jesus,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-18-2014, 03:52 AM
Naomi, my dear Sister in Christ,
You are such a lovely, godly lady! I admire (not idolize, for that is against the Lord's commands) you!
Adoringly yours in Christ,
Elizabeth
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-18-2014, 07:47 AM
Boy oh boy, these pain killers for my sprained ankle make me feel like I'm floating! Has anybody here ever done oxy before? This is really something else.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-19-2014, 02:41 AM
Let's not forget the most effective painkiller, a prayer to the Lord our God, the Almighty Healer! May I suggest Jeremiah 17:14 a good prayer for healing? "Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou [art] my praise." May the Lord heal you soon and deliver you Mistress Cookie! Remember Psalm 34:19, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all."
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-19-2014, 06:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
"I will lift vp mine eyes vnto the hilles: from whence commeth my helpe." (Psalm 121)
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I watched the sunset tonight through my metal grill in the air duct, straining to see the hills "from whence commeth my helpe." Yet it felt more like "from whence commeth my hell," for I could see no hills, nor help of any kind. All is lost.
My institutional smock is mere rags by now, my flip flops eaten long ago. Was I once really the blithe and lithe Mistress Cookie of Freehold, Iowa? Winner of the Best Stoning Bucket medal at the fair two years in a row? The little cookie for whom our rugged Brother James Dewitt did harbor an everlasting burning in his bosom? (Yea, now it can be told.)
Out of rubbing alcohol. No more holiday eggnog to be found. I feel myself growing fainter and smaller.
Let me summon my last faculties to say I forgive all who have sinned against me (except Dr. Laurence Niles, for whom I am still waiting to GET ME THE F#C* OUT OF HERE!!), be it in Freehold or elsewheres.
I want all my assets to be used to make my home on Woodlawn Drive, The Cookie Box, even more pup-friendly than it is (all low sofas, tables, televisions etc.), to create an even more comfy lifestyle for my remaining Pommeranian, Ginger Belle III. I want my jewelry fashioned into dog collars and claw decals for her, and all my worldly wealth used toward her upkeep.
When Ginger Belle III is gone, I want the residual charity bequeathed to a Ginger Belle IV, V, and VI and so on, etc. etc., ad infinitum, so that the patter of little Pom paws may always be heard in the house whence I was so happy.
I designate my ONE TRUE FREEHOLD FRIEND, Sister VictoryOS, as trustee and caretaker over the Ginger Belles, and she is to take 40% of all interest off my assets as an honorarium, annually. She will always have a place in my home, and heart, as she always has. I also designate the loyal Brother Faith Machine, who did so loyally attempt to rescue me from this snake pit, as her assistant, to be paid a yearly honorarium of 20% of the interest off my assets, again, anally.
Yea it is written.
must lie down now. Am listening over nurses' station to hear if any calls have come in about my release. Again, a No-Go.
Might write more later. I have a lot left to say to all of you .
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-19-2014, 06:48 AM
Oh Mistress Cookie, you are so lucky to be joining Jesus in Heaven so soon. I seriously envy you.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: MAGA Country, USA
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-19-2014, 06:57 AM
Look, dear, Wayne Knight over at Patriot Bible University isn't as close of a friend to me as his father, Bill, and Wayne calls the shots there these days. I'm having to go through Belford University for this PHD, and Belford has an inflexible 15 day program. They simply will not budge on this position. I'll be a Christian Psychologist in another 7 days, degree, transcripts, award of excellence, certificate of distinction, and letters of education verification in hand. Best I can do, what with a deceased missus and all.
Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 991
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: 1380 Apostle's Park Ct, Freehold
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Re: Can someone please come bail me out? -
11-19-2014, 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Might write more later. I have a lot left to say to all of you.
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That's our Darling Cookie! Thinking of us by staying in communication, even in times of deep distress. I have a lot to say to you, too! In fact, I tried calling you today and then remembered you weren't at home. Have just been so busy. Miranda at the hair salon and I were talking about that time when she accidentally put the wrong rinse on your hair and how you threw such a fit (of course, you didn't do anything displeasing to Jesus). She wonders if you will ever forgive her seventy times seven. I could only nod and wonder myself. You do have a tendency to hold a grudge, dear.
So how are things? Dr. Niles called me today to see how his nephew is, since I agreed to watch over him while Niles is at yet another conference. He left Wichita and flew to godless England for a symposium related to the importance of male bonding and teenage boys. He said to tell you hello and that he'll make another call on your behalf at the first opportunity. Naturally, he is praying for you, hon - so take heart.
Sister Victory and I made cookies today for the youth service Wednesday evening. She is touched that you consider her such a close friend (I showed her your post) and said to know that her prayers are with you but she really can't handle the responsibility of your dogs since she is so caught up in healthy living (she lost 1/4 pound this month). She read once that people with dogs gain weight. Our dear Victory is such a sweetheart.
Well, hon, I'm still trying to fit a moment in to do more to help you. Faith Machine's phone has been going to voice mail for several hours; I would imagine he's recuperating or floating or both in that lovely place the Lord created. Is there anything you need, dear?
Hugs,
NRL
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers." Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in 50 States and Canada
!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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