[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

There you have it. The DOF has cleared me to tell you some of what I was up to during my missing ten days. They needed someone to go undercover into Hitlery's campaign to gather intelligence and to try to disrupt her terrorist activities from the inside.
I have to admit, even though I have Jesus on my side, the idea scared me. But my husband, Mr. Whitford, said it would get me out of his hair for a while and told me to do it.
The things I witnessed, the anti-American, anti-Christian hatred that consumes their every waking minute... I've been doing a lot of praying since I've returned.
I can't release all information I uncovered for national security reasons, but I can tell you of a couple of my successes.
Sniper fire? All my idea. Now voters can see she's a true Clinton with no concept of truth.
That sodomite Elton John performing a concert for her? Again, my idea. It was easy to sell it to them as a "celebrity" endorsement, but real Americans see how she has no problem cozying up to homers, and if she's elected, she will force homersexual "marriage" on us.
There's more, but again, I can't discuss it. I'm just proud I was able to serve my country in this small way.