The Thrifty Christian Business, Investing and Finance Tips for True Christians™ |
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
11-30-2010, 05:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
I am oh so confused Brother Tannor, what the heck does that have to do with me adding to my stable an employee?
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Yes, Brother DeWitt, I can understand your confusion.
Had you been so fortunate as to have received the fine education in jurispurdence that was provided me by the LaSalle Extension University, then you would have understood my soup de jour supra de jur ex officio citation. (At the time, LaSalle was “going green” and rather than print my law degree on wasteful parchment, they printed it on a matchbook cover and, to this day, I carry it in my wallet)
To wit:
Said citation clearly exonerates you from any judicial jeopardy while conducting lawful actions (Griswold v. Connecticut,1956, 8th Circuit Court of Torts and Misdemeanors). Please make careful note the “Griswold” cited is not Clark Griswold, the character in that ridiculous Christmas Vacation movie. Although I should note he had very good taste in Christmas decorations.
Now, I must caution you that my legal opinion is valid only in the United States Judicial system. Therefore, when you take your newly hired bimbo assistant into certain third world nations their systems may not be as understanding as ours. And here I’m talking about potential stoning, canings, or worse.
I feel this clears up any legal misgivings you may have about your decision to discriminate against highly qualified male applicants – moral misgivings are an entirely different matter. And I hope you can sleep with yourself after this outrageous rejection of non-females.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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True Christian™ Entrepreneur
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
11-30-2010, 07:11 PM
I find Filipino boys to be the best personal assistants.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 06:11 AM
My 14 year old Indonesian houseboy has been great this year, but I'm thinking about trading him in for another one. He won't be 14 much longer after all...
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 07:07 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by H. Montague Worthington
I find Filipino boys to be the best personal assistants.
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Would you take him to a formal dinner? Filipinos are barely housebroken. I think for the purposes of business travel I will stick with a Female.
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Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
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Posts: 2,017
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Location: Wherever Jesus takes me
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 07:49 PM
Brother Dewitt, I've heard that you've been corresponding with that harlot our Godly Sister Lisa about offering her the job as your personal assistant. I've added a private message for you here you might want to read.
PM: I think she's just interested in the money, unlike me, Brother!
I just wanted to add that you can depend on ME to justify myself with good works, just as Rahab was justified when she received the messangers, sir!
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10
I think I have demonstrated my virtue enough to show that my worth is far above rubies, and I would be an excellent investment on your part, sir.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 08:36 PM
Brother DeWitt, with all the lavish rewards you are dangling in front of the females, it seems to be resulting in some sort of competition among them over who will be your "assistant."
This strikes me as not unlike someone seaching for "companionship" in the seedier parts of Des Moines.
This whole "search" effort on your part seems strikingly similar to a recent case I discovered in my law library. State v Shabazz, 2001, 9th Circuit comes very close to what appears to be going on here. In this case Keeshna Shabazz took a fall for solicitation of a white women into "ho-dom" resulting is his Escalade being forfeited in addition to the hard time he spent.
I have Sheriff Richard's phone number on my speed dial and will instantly call him if this cat fight gets any nore suspect.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 10:32 PM
Brother James I am looking forward to meeting you so we can discuss things further about the position.
In the meantime I made this extra lovely bacon burger you might enjoy.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 10:43 PM
That's it. I have a call into the Sheriff.
His secretary said he was investigating a potential crime at the local Krispy Kreme outlet determining whether there was an overdose of sugar in one of the twelve-packs of crullers and he would get back to me "soon."
I've already researched this case in my law library and discovered this:
State v Donutville, 1997, 2nd Circuit. In this case, plaintiff alleged out-dated yeast extract used. Defendant pled nolo contende. Plaintiff pursued action stating local law enforcement suffered undue stress and asked for capital punishment. Defendant pled for lesser punishment. The court agreed and sentenced plaintiff to community service supplying “donut holes” to local Food Bank.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team The Most Honest Lawyer in America
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 11:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor
I just returned from my law library where I discovered an ex post fascio de jur case wherein there was a prima facie procedural precedent establishing the rights of whites to hire without writ while ignoring the civil disobedience of other non-humanis steroidal prototypes.
This case resulted in a finding that supporting parties (that’s you) can be held culpable in practices such as this.
Tread carefully Rodimer. My court will have little truck in supporting extra-judiciary attempts to subvert the establishment clause of the Declaration of.............uh, something or other.
And besides, Roger hasn’t disappeared, he’s homebound since that new local ordinance (without benefit of judicial review, by the way) took away his wheelchair ramp.
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I strongly suggest you hire my legal services, Brother.
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Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 11:07 PM
Brother James, I have sent you the video you wanted. Sorry about the part where the buttons on my blouse came off. I have already sewn them back on. Please do not be put off where my pussy jumped on lap. My pussy likes being on my lap and patted when I sit down.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,611
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-01-2010, 11:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba
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I do believe there is potential here, Brother. In my new position as Associate Justice on the Supreme Court, I have a rather "flexible" expense account available for investigative purposes.
The good citizens of Iowa have pre-authorized rates of $200 per hour up to a total of $100,000 per case.
I'm thinking we can reach a "reasonable" accomodation for each case I feel needs a little "tweaking" to conclude.
Please contact me at your soonest convenience and we can get the "ball rolling" as I have some pesky outstanding obligations cases that need resolved.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-02-2010, 04:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant
Brother Dewitt, I've heard that you've been corresponding with that harlot our Godly Sister Lisa about offering her the job as your personal assistant. I've added a private message for you here you might want to read.
PM: I think she's just interested in the money, unlike me, Brother!
I just wanted to add that you can depend on ME to justify myself with good works, just as Rahab was justified when she received the messangers, sir!
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10
I think I have demonstrated my virtue enough to show that my worth is far above rubies, and I would be an excellent investment on your part, sir.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Brother James I am looking forward to meeting you so we can discuss things further about the position.
In the meantime I made this extra lovely bacon burger you might enjoy.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa H
Brother James, I have sent you the video you wanted. Sorry about the part where the buttons on my blouse came off. I have already sewn them back on. Please do not be put off where my pussy jumped on lap. My pussy likes being on my lap and patted when I sit down.
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Ladies, rest assured that I will come to a long and lengthy determination. It is quite possible that due to my extreme travel I will hire two employees. I am studding the need and will weigh the costs involved. It is most likely that we all can come to an understanding.
To Brothers Reporba and Tannor, cut me some slack. I am just a small businessman. I can transfer some serious cash if you back off with the lawyers.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 01:58 AM
Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James
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Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 02:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James
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Brother James, I must admit I am bit disappointed since you asked to submit an application.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 02:21 AM
My Dear Sister Lisa, I really appreciated the personal interview that we had, however Sister Lycia is a tighter fit.
Last edited by James Hutchins; 12-05-2010 at 12:23 PM.
Reason: Improper comma usage
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Honorary True Christian™
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 03:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
My Dear Sister Lisa, I really appreciated the personal interview that we had, however Sister Lycia is a better fit.
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I think you've made a good choice, James.
Sister Lycia is intelligent, considerate, well-dressed, an excellent conversationalist, and has many other wonderful attributes.
Sister Lisa, as we know, is sweet, beautiful, and compassionate, but very busy with her SLUT Magazine production. And dumb as a box of hair.
Oh, and since I know Brother Tannor will read this, it seems good to point out that I recently read about "fire termites" recently appearing in Iowa. It seems they're a Caribbean termite; they usually get accidentally transported on oceangoing vessels.
It seems fire termites' droppings spontaneously combust. While this is not usually a problem, if they get into a light-framed structure -- say, a mobile home next to a boat they'd spent a few months eating -- it's pretty easy for their droppings to set off a blaze that can take down the structure in minutes! Some fire termite infestations have been confused with arson, believe it or not.
I hope you've had a fumigator to deal with those termites that destroyed Brother James's yacht.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 11:24 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Upon reflection and a visit by Jesus, I have made my selection. On the morning of December 8Th my corporate jet will pick up Sister Lycia in Philadelphia. We will leave Freehold for a two week business trip to the Orient.
Thank you all for submitting your resume and videos. I will hold them in my active file for 1 year.
Sister Lycia, I have a messenger delivering a corporate American Express card to you on Monday. Please use it to go shopping in NY City. You will need at least 5 formal dining outfits as well as 10 or so appropriate business outfits. Remember dress for success.
You might want to pack all of your personal possessions as well and have them shipped to my winter compound in the Fla Keys. If you have questions, call me, James
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Brother James, I see by your correspondence that you are busy as usual and it looks like there is not enough hours in the day for you to finish all the projects you have looming. Well I have some good news for you, I have had a cancellation in my busy schedule this weekend and can offer you my services. If you wish I could meet Sister Lycia and advise her on proper business dress that I know you demand. You have advised me so many times I feel you and I are on the same wave length when it comes to proper business dress.
Now I know what you are going to say ''but Benedict I just couldn't ask you to change your busy schedule just to help me out''. Well I want you to know it would be my pleasure to offer you my services in this matter. There is a new play on Broadway that is drawing a bit of attention and I want to travel up to the modern day Sodom and see for myself if our Christian Brethren are treating this bit of trash wit the contempt it deserves.
Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..
Quote:
Broadway play explores evangelical faith, gay life
By SOLANGE DE SANTIS RELIGION NEWS SERVICE
Carol Rosegg : Religion News Service
In Next Fall, a Tony-nominated Broadway play, Patrick Heusinger, left, plays Luke, a gay evangelical, and Patrick Breen plays his skeptical lover,Adam.
NEW YORK — A new Broadway play that has been nominated for a couple of Tony awards features a character that might seem rarer than a unicorn: a gay evangelical.
Next Fall, by Geoffrey Nauffts, has already won the Outer Critics Circle Award for Best New American Play on Broadway, and was nominated for Tony Awards for Best Play and Best Director.
The production is timely, given the conflicts taking place within many denominations about the place of gay Christians and whether the Bible condemns homosexuality.
The title Next Fall, which has the ring of Genesis about it, refers in the play to when evangelical character Luke (played by Patrick Heusinger), plans to reveal to his parents he's gay.
As the play opens it looks like he might not get the chance. He's been in a severe automobile accident and is comatose in a hospital. His partner of four years, Adam (Patrick Breen), paces the waiting room, along with two friends and Luke's divorced parents.
Nauffts alternates scenes between the hospital and flashbacks to Luke and Adam's relationship to tell a faith story of subtle ambiguity.
Adam first realizes his partner holds beliefs he might not share when Luke prays before eating.
"Is that an everyday occurrence?" Adam wants to know. He asks whether Luke is really gay since all the Christians he knows consider homosexuality a sin.
Luke, who seems to have found a serene way to accept both himself and his faith, cheerfully answers, "We're all sinners. This one happens to be mine."
Since he has accepted Christ as his savior, he explains, he will go to heaven despite his sins.
As the play develops, it becomes apparent that Luke is more conflicted than he wishes to admit. When his father, Butch (Cotter Smith), phones to say he'll be dropping by, Luke rushes around trying to "de-gay" the apartment, hiding the Truman Capote biography, erotic photographs and Adam, whom he asks to disappear.
Their relationship is either an unlikely pairing or a testament to the enduring mysteries of love.
Perhaps their union isn't so far-fetched. Among Internet postings in response to the play, one man writing on the New York Times' website as Brian, from Philadelphia, said he has "endured" his partner's "ingrained, intractable Catholicism" and even attended Mass with him.
"It is because I love this guy that I allow him to be what he apparently needs to be," he wrote.
What lifts the play above the level of polemic is that none of the characters are caricatures, and the acting and directing are poignant, such as when Luke asks Adam, "Is it so wrong that I want you to go to heaven?"
At the play's conclusion, after a crisis at the hospital concerning Luke, Adam says, "finally, I believed."
He may be referring to his relationship with his partner or to religious faith. He follows by telling another character, "My name is Adam," an intriguing reference to the first man of the Bible and a sense of renewed life.
Is his new life enriched by faith or blessedly free of it? Next Fall, like life, doesn't provide easy answers.
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1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
True Christian™
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 01:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Oh, and since I know Brother Tannor will read this, it seems good to point out that I recently read about "fire termites" recently appearing in Iowa. It seems they're a Caribbean termite; they usually get accidentally transported on oceangoing vessels.
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Thank you, Rev., for bringing up the subject. Perhaps others will benefit from your timely reminder.
I, myself, was already aware of the problem. Last month’s issue of the ABA Journal (American Bar Association) brought this to my attention in a timely article warning all attorneys about this problem.
The Journal article pointed out the potential for actionable lawsuits that could be filed against all the tin pot dictators throughout the Caribbean and the Governors of certain southern states for allowing this menace to move north.
Since I would be sitting in judgment on these cases, I could not play sides, of course, but have already done extensive research in my law library and am prepared to hear these actions.
I am especially impressed by the precedent set in State v PoppaDoc, 1962, 2nd District, in which it was found ex rex multi plex officio non-conundrum. I’m sure you will agree.
Oh, and don’t worry about my personal abode. I’ve contacted Brother Hutchins and he was kind enough to send over some of his “boys” to wander about my estate and stomp out any flare-ups that occur. (Since he doesn’t give them a shoe allowance for working in his fields, they have leathery soles and the glowing embers won’t affect them.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis
Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..
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Frankly, Brother Davis, I don’t see limited resources as a problem. Don’t forget Sister Lycia will be packing a no-limit corporate card and I doubt Brother DeWitt will notice the charges.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Forum Member
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Posts: 171
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Doing the elephant walk with The Lord
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 02:24 PM
Congratulations to Sister Lycia for the position! I know it's tough to find a good role in this economy.
You may have talked about this already, but the responsibility for beating Lycia properly will probably have to shift over to you, Brother James. I know you are not married, but as I recall, she is in the practice of receiving regular beatings so she can stay attuned to the correct Christian Woman status.
If you don't have the time, I'm sure one of your younger strapping employees would be able to fit it onto their schedules.
YIC,
LHMercy
He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore. 2 Samuel 22:51
God, Guns and BBQ make AMERICA great!
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Personal assistant needed. -
12-05-2010, 02:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis
Brother James, I see by your correspondence that you are busy as usual and it looks like there is not enough hours in the day for you to finish all the projects you have looming. Well I have some good news for you, I have had a cancellation in my busy schedule this weekend and can offer you my services. If you wish I could meet Sister Lycia and advise her on proper business dress that I know you demand. You have advised me so many times I feel you and I are on the same wave length when it comes to proper business dress.
Now I know what you are going to say ''but Benedict I just couldn't ask you to change your busy schedule just to help me out''. Well I want you to know it would be my pleasure to offer you my services in this matter. There is a new play on Broadway that is drawing a bit of attention and I want to travel up to the modern day Sodom and see for myself if our Christian Brethren are treating this bit of trash wit the contempt it deserves.
Also I will offer to get tickets for any other True Christian that wants to travel there with me to protest this abomination. You have yo let me know ASAP, TICKETS ARE LIMITED TO AVAILABILITY as I can not buy the entire show out, I will get what I can..
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If you could help her out that would be great, here are a couple of examples of Business attire. Go to the show if you have time. Make sure she picks something slutty for private dinning.
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