Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Honorary True Christian™
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The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-24-2008, 07:09 PM
Friends,
Here, over at the Christian Centre for Demon Detection and Destruction (CCDDD), we have received an alarming number of complains about the new Apple iPhone!
Apparently this device is just swarming with demons! Yes, demons! 1000's of microscopic little Hell-spawn are living inside every single UnGodly device! And they're just waiting to get out!!!
Every True Christian knows that Apple has to be one of the evilest companies around. They named themselves after the fruit Eve ate in the Garden of Eden! Apple is also well known for its persecution of Christians and heterosexuals. It's obvious they work for the Devil! …and now the proof is here!
Now, I don't want to sound like some sort of insane Christian crackpot or something - but these devices are dangerous! They use demon mind control and brainwashing to make you do things against your will!
Only last week we received the tragic news of poor Jane Sanderson, who bought one of these devices 2 days before she died! Apparently she walked out in front of oncoming traffic, and was hit by a fire-truck ... and died!!! Yes, she DIED!!! Please do not listen to any false stories going around in the Press about this case. They ‘say’ she was ‘surfing’ iTunes, and 'wasn’t paying attention' to the oncoming traffic or stop-signs? Garbage! She was IN A TRANCE! THE DEMONS MADE HER WALK OUT IN FRONT OF THAT TRUCK!!!
The demons which have taken controls of these iPhone devices are the infamous Boyce demons. Particularly nasty, these demons prey on electronic devices such as dvd players, phones, computers, gaming stations and just about anything which can hold an electric current. Ever been talking on your Mobile, and hear someone in the background, and think you’ve got a cross-line? WRONG! That’s the Boyce demons! They’re there in the background, whispering subliminal messages to you! Ever been on the internet looking at Deliverance Prayers or shopping for Bibles, and you turn away for a few seconds, and when you turn back there's gay porn on the screen? That's Boyce demons again!
The good news is that getting rid of these Demons is a relatively simple task. All you have to do is COMMAND THEM TO LEAVE.
What you must say, in a commanding voice, is this -
"Demons, I COMMAND you to leave in the name of JESUS CHRIST!'
That's all that's required. Jesus gave his power and authority to all TRUE Believers.
Praise Jesus!
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
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Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-24-2008, 07:32 PM
Brother, I am concerned that the iPhone, at least as sold in God's favorite country, may have a double dose of demons. Apple has an exclusive agreement in the U.S. with AT&T, another notoriously fag-enabling company (somewhat liberal-biased source).
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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On Permanent Assignment in Borneo
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Posts: 188
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-24-2008, 07:43 PM
Pastor Peters or Bro Percy
So Why not blow these things off the face of the planet?
In Jesus,
Walter Brimstone
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters
Brother, I am concerned that the iPhone, at least as sold in God's favorite country, may have a double dose of demons. Apple has an exclusive agreement in the U.S. with AT&T, another notoriously fag-enabling company (somewhat liberal-biased source).
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 564
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Belgium
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-24-2008, 08:01 PM
yukkk, an I-phone. I dislike those trendy gay fashion junk that Apple makes. In Belgium you can buy one without a contract at the whopping price of 500 Euro, 500 Euro!! For a freaking stupid phone!!
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Honorary True Christian™
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-24-2008, 11:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by snottyduck
yukkk, an I-phone. I dislike those trendy gay fashion junk that Apple makes.
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Mr. Duck, are you bashing sodomites now?
I detect some anti-homer sentiment here, associating "gay" with "junk".
Could this be a step in the right direction? Or are you just obsessed with the "junk" of "gay" "men"?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 564
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Location: Belgium
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-25-2008, 08:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
Mr. Duck, are you bashing sodomites now?
I detect some anti-homer sentiment here, associating "gay" with "junk".
Could this be a step in the right direction? Or are you just obsessed with the "junk" of "gay" "men"?
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obsessed with those?? no, not at all. It's just that everything that Apple designs looks like it came from some gay designer.
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Unsaved trash
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
07-25-2008, 08:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by snottyduck
obsessed with those?? no, not at all. It's just that everything that Apple designs looks like it came from some gay designer.
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T'is true, I've seen them. Definitely the work of an ass-pounder.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
10-10-2013, 11:54 AM
this is very nice sharing about apple iphone mobiles this is very infrmative i really get very much information from it thanks for the sharing this is very helpful to all of us
[Porn link deleted]
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True Christian™
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Re: The new Apple iPhone - Infested with Demons? -
10-10-2013, 12:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by nomibucha100
this is very nice sharing about apple iphone mobiles this is very infrmative i really get very much information from it thanks for the sharing this is very helpful to all of us
[Edited for consistency]
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I am not clicking on that link for fear that it is daemon-infested.
2 Timothy 3:16
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
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