[BrotherLarry]

At the men's meeting on Friday, Brother Ross, a new convert to Jesus who is 22 and formerly a Catholic, was speaking to the group about his testimony when he revealed that he used to abuse himself in an onanistic way (I am choosing words carefully so as not to offend) while looking at pictures of women's mammary appendages (This is not the term he used). One of the brothers rebuked him in Jesus' Name, which led to a discussion about what is indeed proper to call those special parts of a woman that all we as normal, red-blooded American True Christian™ males love.


Pastor ruled out "melons", "globes", "bazooms," and "baby feeders."


So, what say you, my beloved brothers? If you had to discuss them, what terminology would you use. Please remember that certain ladies might visit this area despite the disclaimer that they aren't allowed, so be discreet.

[I Man Rastafari]

In my home which is Jamaica we usually call them mams. This is not entirely respectful though and if you are too loud the old fat women will look at you funny. I think some of them are mad and some would like to say I have some over here.

[Pim Pendergast]

Brother Larry, why don't you simply call them "breasts", like the Bible does? The True Christian™ man is commanded to satisfy himself with his wife's breasts.

Prov 5:18-20
18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

If Brother Ross still objects to the term, you should direct him to the Song of Solomon:

SOS 7:7 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.

SOS 8:8 We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?

SOS 8:10 I am a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favour.

[Alvin Moss]

I agree with Brother Pim Pendergast that "breast" is probably the best if you are forced to discuss matters of such delicacy. Teats is also appropriate. Isaiah 32:12 -They shall lament for the teats, for the pleasant fields, for the fruitful vine-

[Phil Ander]

In Austria they are oftentimes referred to as "norks". I can't think why your pastor would find offence with this terminology.


http://www.definition-of.com/norks


Phil (ologist)

[BrotherLarry]

How silly of me to not even consider what the Word of God has to say on this subject. My apologies - first to GOD, and next to my brothers who had to waste their time composing a reply.

And to bring "breasts" to mind was certainly not a prudent action on my part. I am on my knees in front of all of you, hoping that this gesture will bring satisfaction.

I'll spread this news to Brother Ross, so he won't say - um - the word that rhymes with "bits" during men's meetings anymore. And now I'm off to spend some time in my prayer closet.