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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 02:12 PM
Silent birth is advocated by Scientologists. It entails those present during the birthing process being as quiet as possible. Why? Because it is a time of pain and distress--any and all words are recorded in the baby's subconscious and can later have a negative impact.
Scientologists, as usual, are wrong, but this time not entirely so. They are one hundred percent correct that the mother should keep her fat yapper shut. The father, on the other hand, if he is a good and Godly man, should be as loud as possible.
Let's face it: the birth of a baby is a disgusting and shameful time.
2 Kings 19:3 "Thus saith Hezekiah, This day [of birth] is a day of trouble, and of rebuke, and blasphemy."
The mother looks like a manatee that's been beaten with a baseball bat. There are bodily juices flying everywhere. And the smell is unbearable. The father's duty is to make everyone realize just how sinful a time it really is.
The father should scream Bible verses at the emerging baby. He should also yell at the mother for spreading her legs immodestly. He might want to point out her stretch marks and comment that she's really let herself go. He should belittle her for getting knocked up in the first place. And, of course, he should make sure that she keeps her mouth shut.
A True Christian© man tenderly threatens to beat his wife and their as yet unborn baby if she so much as makes a peep.
Furthermore, the father would be amiss if he did not admonish the hospital staff, particular the doctor, for looking at his wife's cooter, or "vagin a" as the deviants in the medical community are so fond of calling it.
Now, had Scientologists put forward the idea of silent conception I would have been on board. Grunting, moaning, and exclamations of pleasure are positively obscene and should have no part of Christian coupling.
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 02:20 PM
Well said Brother Hatchet.
I have never been there when my wife gave birth to our children. Although I am sure she suffered as demanded by God. I am usually on a hunting trip while these things happen. After all the women is punished by God for Eve's sinning, I don't see why I would have to suffer as well.
Genesis 3:16 "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 02:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Well said Brother Hatchet.
I have never been there when my wife gave birth to our children.
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For many years men weren't allowed in the delivery room. Liberals didn't want husbands in there so Lord knows what could happen. Orgies involving doctors, nurses, orderlies, pregnant women, and children with leukemia were probably quite common. This is one instance where I'm glad the times have changed. Men need to be present to make sure that no tomfoolery goes on.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 02:41 PM
No one really wants to see any of that, and that's why I think YouTube should have an anti-birthing video restriction. They already block all types of porn, that should be next. That's not something kids or families should be watching.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 02:59 PM
Along with the idea of a silent conception, I definitely think that there's something to be said for a silent pregnancy. Just think about it: by the time it emerges into the world, the average baby has had to listen to its empty-headed mother yammer on for nine whole months. No wonder children are so stupid nowadays.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 04:12 PM
Scientology is the classic false religion God had in mind when He warned us about such things!
Every single Scientoligst is subject to God's admonition about not suffering witches to live, and we will be able to carry that out with the election of the Godly Sarah Palin in 2012!
Praise Jesus!
Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are un Godly among them of all their un Godly deeds which they have un Godly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which un Godly sinners have spoken against him.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 04:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
Now, had Scientologists put forward the idea of silent conception I would have been on board. Grunting, moaning, and exclamations of pleasure are positively obscene and should have no part of Christian coupling.
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Quoted for the truth. And above all women should keep their mouths shut about "is that all?" or "this the fifth time you've had this problem, maybe you should see a doctor about it". Conception is a vulnerable time for even a TRUE Christian man and women need to respect that.
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 04:32 PM
Men belong in the waiting room, passing out fine cigars(ONLY if its a BOY) and patting each other on the back. I watched my first wife(May God send that cheating whore to HELL) give birth to our first son. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THEY COME OUT? Never again, never!
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 06:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Men belong in the waiting room
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Wrong. Sissies belong in the waiting room. REAL men who are not afraid to do God's work belong in the delivery room. Doctors used to spank newborns to startle them into breathing--now they just gently suction the airway clear. If the husband is not present, who is going to administer the first spanking/savage beating? Children need to be put on the right path from the get-go.
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The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-23-2010, 11:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
Along with the idea of a silent conception, I definitely think that there's something to be said for a silent pregnancy. Just think about it: by the time it emerges into the world, the average baby has had to listen to its empty-headed mother yammer on for nine whole months. No wonder children are so stupid nowadays.
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Amen to that! In the old days women kept their traps shut, as the Lord intended. At least that way the baby was born with a fighting chance, even if it was a female.
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 04:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
Wrong. Sissies belong in the waiting room. REAL men who are not afraid to do God's work belong in the delivery room. Doctors used to spank newborns to startle them into breathing--now they just gently suction the airway clear. If the husband is not present, who is going to administer the first spanking/savage beating? Children need to be put on the right path from the get-go.
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Its disgusting to see the head pop out of a woman's.............I just cant do it I am sorry call me a sissy.
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 06:28 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
Wrong. Sissies belong in the waiting room. REAL men who are not afraid to do God's work belong in the delivery room. Doctors used to spank newborns to startle them into breathing--now they just gently suction the airway clear. If the husband is not present, who is going to administer the first spanking/savage beating? Children need to be put on the right path from the get-go.
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I wasn't there for any of mine, my aunt went in. Even our doctor at the time said he didn't want husbands in there, he would rather have a woman in there who has had children.
And DON'T YOU DARE call my aunt a Godless woman.
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seth Campbell
I wasn't there for any of mine, my aunt went in. Even our doctor at the time said he didn't want husbands in there, he would rather have a woman in there who has had children.
And DON'T YOU DARE call my aunt a Godless woman.
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Your doctor didn't want you in the delivery room so he could diddle your wife's cooter. Never trust the so-called "experts" in the fields of medicine and science. And you needn't worry about my calling your aunt "Godless"--I don't know the strumpet. You should, on the other hand, worry about incurring my wrath. Only the foolhardy string the words "don't," "you," and "dare" together when addressing me. I am OUTRAGED by your insolence. You WILL give me an apology, and it better be sufficiently obsequious and profuse.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:35 AM
Why have a doctor present while giving birth anyway? Everyone knows doctors are just perverts. My wife always got help from her sisters.
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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Why have a doctor present while giving birth anyway? Everyone knows doctors are just perverts. My wife always got help from her sisters.
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I don't see why these women need help anyway. Giving birth is not some big undertaking. Squeeze it out and clean up the mess. It's that simple.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
I don't see why these women need help anyway. Giving birth is not some big undertaking. Squeeze it out and clean up the mess. It's that simple.
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That would be how it would work if men could give birth. Unfortunately women are weak whiny creatures who need help for the simplest things.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
That would be how it would work if men could give birth. Unfortunately women are weak whiny creatures who need help for the simplest things.
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Well, if I gave birth, I certainly wouldn't clean up the mess. That's women's work.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 09:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
Well, if I gave birth, I certainly wouldn't clean up the mess. That's women's work.
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I am certain if men could give birth, there would be no mess. Most mess is made by women, which only makes it fair they also have to clean it all up.
Which reminds me, I have to burn some tires in my backyard. The wind is in the direction of Mrs. Johnson today.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 10:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
I am certain if men could give birth, there would be no mess. Most mess is made by women, which only makes it fair they also have to clean it all up.
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With men there's only one hole from which a baby can be delivered. I imagine there would be some mess involved.
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Re: Silent Birth: Close But No Cigar -
12-24-2010, 10:19 AM
Shout Glory! I'm not sure if I have ever seen such sage and righteous advice as that which is espoused by Old Man Hatchet!
My wife Esther has given birth three times, two of which were at home in the garage, completely silent and without the sinful indulgence of any pain medication, and one time at a hospital for what I am told was something called an emergency Cesarean section. I was in the middle of an intense week-long prayer workshop with some of the fine young men of Independence at the time, and was completely unaware of the whole situation. Rest assured, if I had known she would have done something that foolish, I would have put a stop to that tomfoolery immediately.
"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Genesis 3:16
Which brings me to my next point. I am sure the Lord punished me for inadvertently allowing that to happen by triggering the abomination of that union's descent into homerism. Not only did my wife offend God by trying to escape the curse of Eve, she also failed to give birth before the ambulance arrived, and we know the Lord favors women who manage to do so before the midwives get there.
"And the midwives said unto Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not as the Egyptian women; for they are lively, and are delivered ere the midwives come in unto them." Exodus 1:19
Praise Jesus, Old Man Hatchet, for your words of wisdom! I am sure that any and all couples who follow this Godly advice will be blessed with normal, heterosexual children (provided they also follow all of the Lord's 600+ commandments, of course)!
Shout Glory in His name!
"That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman." 2 Chronicles 15:13
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