[Des]

Brothers and sisters in Christ,

By now some of you have noticed something flitting through the skies outside Freehold. No, they are not angels, and no, Cranky Old Man, they are not ducks, so please stop shooting at them.

But I digress. My dear friends, what you have been catching glimpses of are not angels, but the next best thing; surveillance drones.

Just as Jesus is up in heaven looking down on each and every one of us, my company, Divine Scrutiny Ltd, in conjunction with The Uranus Corporation, has endeavored to make our streets safer through the creation of Domestic Surveillance Drones!

I've been working on this project for two years now, but only when I was able to meet face to face with Brother Free Market Fred was I finally able to obtain the funding necessary to bring my dream to fruition. With his contacts both the N.S.A. and the D.O.D. were on board and dozens of nimble-fingered slants were put to work making this project a reality.



This endeavor is funded entirely by 'black money operations'. Now I don't know what that means, and can only assume they have found a way to collect taxes from Negroes.

The drones are capable of speeds up to 45mph, can hoover, have a two hour battery life, and are equipped with infrared cameras and state-of-the-art audio pickup and recording capability. As Brother Cranky has discovered, they are resistant to bird shot. They are not however resistant to saboted light armor piercing rounds, also discovered by Cranky.

The drones are also capable of depositing a stationary minicam with decent sound pickup quality. The minicams are motion/noise sensitive and with some practice can be deposited on 3/4 inch windowsills or even tree branches. The minicams can not transmit, but will record for up to 72 hours. The drone can be programmed to retrieve deployed minicams autonomously during down time using your drone operation controls. All data retrieved by both drone and minicam are automatically recorded and easily downloaded to an external drive from your control panel.

What does this mean for Freehold?

I'm glad you asked. You see, unlike N.S.A. surveillance, my DSD program puts the surveillance in the hands of trustworthy observers with what I like to call Faith Based Surveillance. Drone pilots will be selected by a panel consisting of myself, Brother Fred, and appointed LBC officials, as we all agree that only those of the highest moral caliber should be entrusted with something so potentially invasive.

Selected pilot candidates attend a three day, twelve hour training program, and the good news is that the Government even pays you to complete the program! Thanks to Brother Fred's shrewd negotiation skills, each pilot will receive a $2,500 check upon completion of the program, and $145 per flight hour logged. Additional bonuses of up to $100,000 are possible if you manage to snag a terrorist on the top 20 list.

The Government will also pay a stipend to the city of Freehold to lease the small amount of space needed for a drone pilot control center. I've not been involved in that discussion, but good sources tell me that several good pastors may be able to afford new jets this year!

Once fully trained, pilots can select any drone not in use at any of the twenty eight test city locations. It is a simple matter of logging in, selecting your drone, and taking to the sky.

Should a National Threat be identified, a clearly labeled Terrorist button will send all obtained data to a security team who will review and assess the threat. At least that is the theory. In practice, 5 of the 11 threats I identified during test runs resulted in the threat being detained and incarcerated in under an hour, so the teams seem to trust our judgement on this.

Presently the only cities available are high terrorist potential Blue state cities (and at Fred's request, Ferguson), but our friends at the D.O.D. and N.S.A. have promised more money and units in every major city in the country should the program prove useful.

Friends, I can tell you for a fact that these are easy to use. I myself have logged over 2,000 flight hours, and two of my boys have logged 5,000 hours to date. And not only that, they pay off. My boys have been tracking a lead to a terrorist cell at a Sorority house, and for several weeks I've been keeping tabs on twin Japanese American sisters I suspect have ties to al Qaeda or ISIS. Together we can keep America safe! I look forward to seeing each and every one of you at the training center this coming Thursday.

[Free Market Fred]

Greetings Brother Des.

Sorry I've been out of touch for a few days, but I've been working hard on a project of my own, which incidentally will go hand-in-hand with your drone technology. I'd say it's a perfect match, but that requires some explanation.

As you know, the spy cameras on drones have gotten a lot better in recent years, producing amazing high-resolution images. However, even as our security technology has improved steadily, the terrorists have also learned to employ methods to thwart us. We cannot afford to sit on our laurels - terrorism is a moving target, and it's important that we always keep one step ahead of Al Qaeda.

One way the Muslim terrorists have managed to evade our awesome security state is by wearing disguises. Even more alarming is that the Muslim traditional dress for women - the burqa - hides the wearer's body so well that you can't even be sure it's a woman. There's enough space in there to hide guns, bombs, drugs and even an anchor baby.


Women in burqas, a terrorist disguise!

To add insult to injury, burqas are actually made in the USA and exported all over the world! True, we did move the factory to China about 10 years ago, but recently we moved it back to our Godly shores - specifically, to Huntsville State Penitentiary in Texas.


Burqas are made in the USA!

Not only do the terrorists wear burqas when boarding airplanes, but the Muslims get a real bug up their asses whenever the TSA (recently privatized and run by my company!) tries to strip the Hefty bag wearers in public. Liberals say this is against Islam and we're violating terrorists rights! Outrageous!

That's why my company invented backscatter x-ray machines. These marvelous devices can see through clothes, a process we call the "naked body scan." However, like all x-rays, the image is black and white, and reversed so that it's a negative image. Now this is good enough to spot guns and bombs, but a survey of our TSA employees found that they quickly grew bored looking at negative images all day, even when the subjects were some hot Egyptian chicks. Bored employees tend to stop paying attention, thus allowing real terrorists to slip past them undetected.

So, to improve employee morale, we started inverting the negative images and adding color. This produces a much more interesting result.


Egyptian terrorist - you can't see her weapon


Same terrorist viewed with backscatter x-ray, plus color inversion

Much more realistic pictures with these second generation backscatter x-rays, as you can see - almost good enough to sell!

But the little project I've been working on - known as Third Generation imaging - takes the nudie scanning to a whole new level. This technology uses high-resolution cameras, and more powerful x-rays (hey, you can even kill a tumor with these things!). But what really sets it apart from the previous generation is that we've hooked the x-ray machine up to powerful computers, which processes the digital images. This produces genuine photo-realistic skin colors. Furthermore, the machines deploy artificial intelligence to erase distracting metal objects like watches, jewelry, belt buckles, guns and bombs, thus creating beautiful images which can be purchased on our website, Nudie-Cutie-Terrorists-of-the-Mideast.com.


Egyptian terrorist unknowingly struts her stuff

By selling these images, we've been able to vastly increase corporate profits, making national security more lucrative than ever!

But it doesn't stop there - now with Brother Des's drones, we can envision all kinds of new business opportunities. This week school starts, and we'll be experimenting with flying a drone fitted with the new cameras through an all-girl's Muslim junior high school in Egypt...for national security purposes, of course.

Let me assure all True Christians that American woman have nothing to fear from this program. We would never think of violating their privacy. We have no reason to operate this program on US soil, especially given that the images of American woman have little market value.


American woman are not targeted

On the other hand, I see great opportunities abroad. The Middle East is only one of many possibilities. Our next little fly-through will be at a Catholic high school in Korea, and we're going to offer live streaming with full sound!

[Des]

Blessed, wonderful news, Brother Fred. Can this technology penetrate standard insulated walls, or is it still limited to clothing?

I'll certainly be online to catch the streamed demonstration.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Brothers in Technology and Christ:

I am not one to fight against progress, but if that humming piece of scrap metal happens to do either one of the following:

1. Crash land in my prize winning hydrangeas
2. Hover outside my 14' bedroom picture window

EVER again, I will personally shoot the sucker down with whatever fire power I need to use. I will expect the footage collected sent to me within 12 hours.

Yours in the beautiful name of Jesus,
NRL

[Des]

Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb

Brothers in Technology and Christ:

I am not one to fight against progress, but if that humming piece of scrap metal happens to do either one of the following:

1. Crash land in my prize winning hydrangeas
2. Hover outside my 14' bedroom picture window

EVER again, I will personally shoot the sucker down with whatever fire power I need to use. I will expect the footage collected sent to me within 12 hours.

Yours in the beautiful name of Jesus,
NRL

I am terribly sorry to hear of this inconvenience, Sister. My contact at the N.S.A., codenamed 'Handler' should you need to reach him personally, has already taken the liberty of accessing one of your checking accounts, and asks me to inform you that he has deposited a small five figure amount to compensate you for the hydrangeas. He tells me he knew that Habitat for Humanity account of theirs would prove useful for handling such cases of collateral damage.

While we have yet to put a face on the pilot account that was collecting surveillance data, Mr Handler assures me the video will be sent to you directly, though portions may be censored if they contain footage which could compromise national security.

YIC

[Alvin Moss]

I believe that we will be needing a large number of these drones. There are heathenish folk lurking nearly everywhere who have these machines and we need to keep an eye on them as they try to keep an eye on us.

I propose that these drones be armed with more than cameras, in case air to air or even air to surface capabilities are needed. I believe that Hellfire missiles are unnecessary at this time. However, I do not believe it is premature to stockpile some of those, in case the need arises.

[Des]

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss

I believe that we will be needing a large number of these drones. There are heathenish folk lurking nearly everywhere who have these machines and we need to keep an eye on them as they try to keep an eye on us.

I propose that these drones be armed with more than cameras, in case air to air or even air to surface capabilities are needed. I believe that Hellfire missiles are unnecessary at this time. However, I do not believe it is premature to stockpile some of those, in case the need arises.

You've a sharp eye for business, Brother Moss. Those are already in development, and will not be the basketball-size surveillance drones my company is currently running. We're calling them Corinthian drones in honor of 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

[Free Market Fred]

Somebody sent me a message accusing me of "sexism" and "homophobia" because all the nudies were female. Well, as a true blue patriotic American (along with 18 other passports I've picked up along the way - hey, it's got tax advantages!) I'm proud of the fact that my company does not cater to the homo market! Plus, due to my Christian faith (and the need for attractive models), I would never violate the privacy of American men.


American men are not targeted either

Of course, some of our subsidiaries over there in homo-loving Europe might view things differently.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

This is a wonderful idea and a good reminder that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere! I wish I had this in heathen southern California!

[Des]

Originally Posted by lstark16

This is a wonderful idea and a good reminder that the eyes of the Lord are everywhere! I wish I had this in heathen southern California!

We currently only have a launch center in Berkeley. The university there is a cesspool of sick depravity. Ripe, festering breeding ground for terrorism.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

I felt ill when you mention that sin infested, utter disgusting, feminazi, liberal monstrosity. Thank our dear sweet Lord, that there is at least something there to maintain some of the Lord's presence there, for when I last had to visit and do ministering work to some of the unsaved women there, the sinners had almost completely blotted out the Lord from their lives. Thank heaven though, that the Lord had overcame the devil and in some tiny nooks, there are True Christians witnessing!

[Nobar King]

It's a good thing we got our drone before ISIS got theirs!

[Alvin Moss]

They might bring that thing over here!

There's no telling what they could get up to.