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Smile Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 09:59 PM

Some third-world country is selling off an aircraft carrier called "The Ark Royal". It probably won't cost more than we have on the tithing plate, so to speak, and we can lower the price by bribing a few folks - you know how these tinpot monarchies work. A few trinkets for the queen, some firewater for the archbishop and generallissimos and we're all set.

Just think of the uses: we could put it in the reservoir to patrol for hippies trying to sneak floride into the water, or it could be a Noah's Ark themed zoo, or it could be a yacht/country club for our Deacons, Platinum Tithers, and whatever congressman we are lobbying at the moment:



I've already clicked the "add to cart" button...


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:05 PM

Oh. No wonder it was cheap - it's British! It'll probably rust and the steering wheel's on the wrong side.




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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:17 PM

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Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Oh. No wonder it was cheap - it's British! It'll probably rust and the steering wheel's on the wrong side.
My thoughts exactly.. The british (notice the lower case b) can't get anything right..

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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:24 PM

I'm sure if we all put in some work, we could turn that 95% steel carrier into a 100% holy ark.
Am I right, or am I wrong?
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:27 PM

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Originally Posted by Rico David View Post
I'm sure if we all put in some work, we could turn that 95% steel carrier into a 100% holy ark.
Am I right, or am I wrong?
I wouldn't buy food from a dirty brit if I was starving!! Let alone an aircraft carrier..

Dirty heathens.


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:33 PM

Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 10:43 PM

How many aircrafts do we have now?

I know we have those UH-60 Blackhawks, but there are some fighters now on sale as well.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-03-2011, 11:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson View Post
Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
Amen!

However, I would suggest leaving some of the warship features intact, lest we come into contact with that vile lesbian atheist sailing group that provides offshore abortions, Women on Waves.

Imagine the opportunities for spreading the LORD'S Word in international waters, free from many of the confines of secular law!


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-04-2011, 12:00 AM

In all seriousness, I get really concerned now and then about the security of Landover Baptist Church. We have a lot of money, a talented Church staff and we are snatching people away from Satan every day.

It seems logical to me that we might be a target for Satan's people. Our little police force in Freehold, devoted as they are, may not have the fire power to hold off some group that has evil purposes.

Would it be thinking too far out of the box to look into tieing this thing up on the Des Moines River near Freehold? I don't know a lot about military hardware but maybe it could host some helicopters and troops.

Just a thought.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-04-2011, 12:37 AM

British, you just know the electrics are not going to work.

Last thing I want is a boat that big and have to bail it by hand.

But I do see the wisdom displayed by Mayor JJ Hold. Even if it sunk to the bottom of the river, 98% of it would still be above water.


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Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-04-2011, 04:22 PM

Imagine a True Christian™ faith fleet! The Armada of Hope®!


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-04-2011, 04:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson View Post
Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
We could load them in the deck guns and fire them over heathen walls across the globe!


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Smile Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-04-2011, 05:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford View Post
Imagine a True Christian™ faith fleet! The Armada of Hope®!
How can I help? Please PM me the information needed to send off a check.

I'll make every one of my workers donate a weeks wages.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 05-12-2011, 09:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NormanLid View Post
My thoughts exactly.. The british (notice the lower case b) can't get anything right..
How about steering wheel?

Sorry I had to


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 07-17-2011, 07:26 AM

Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 07-17-2011, 07:58 AM

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Originally Posted by praisethelord101 View Post
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
Interesting fact. The French would be speaking Russian now if not for us.

Another interesting fact, we singlehandedly won the Pacific war long after the Brits realized they couldn't do anything for fear of the Germans and sailed away from their Asian empire.
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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 07-18-2011, 04:30 PM

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Originally Posted by praisethelord101 View Post
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
I'm intersested. Please tell me more.


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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 07-18-2011, 04:57 PM

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Originally Posted by praisethelord101 View Post
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
Here is another interesting fact from the glories of Royal Navy Aviation.

The Fairly Barracuda

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During the earlier part of its service life, the Barracuda suffered a fairly high rate of unexplained fatal crashes, often involving experienced pilots. In 1945 this was traced to small leaks developing in the hydraulic system. The most common point for the leak was at the point of entry to the pilot's pressure gauge and was situated such that the resulting spray went straight into the pilot's face. The chosen hydraulic fluid contained ether and as the aircraft rarely were equipped with oxygen masks (and few aircrew wore them below 10,000 ft/3,000 m anyway) the pilot quickly became unconscious leading to a crash. An Admiralty order issued at the end of May 1945 required all examples of the type to be oxygen fitted as soon as possible, and for pilots to use the system at all times.



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Default Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? - 07-18-2011, 10:11 PM

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Amen. We'd finally be able to sink the Scientology navy once and for all.


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