Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you). |
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,729
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 08:15 PM
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Posts: 708
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Pajala, Sweden
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 08:38 PM
Thank you mrs. Etheldreda for this very simple, demonstrative picture!
If I get your permission, I'll print this and translate it to finnish language. My wife can use it when teaching my boys at home.
Also my boys would most likely go bicycling the surrounding area here in Finland and post these pictures on notice boards!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,941
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: With Jesus
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 08:43 PM
Very useful indeed, Sister. I don't think I have ever met one of those brony people - do they always identify themselves with t-shirts?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
Also my boys would most likely go bicycling the surrounding area here in Finland and post these pictures on notice boards!!!
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I read somewhere that something like 97% of your Godless wasteland is made up of forests, and the remainder is mostly stagnant lakes. So might it be better to get them to post them on trees?
YiC
AW
2 Timothy 3:16
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
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Forum Member
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Posts: 708
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Pajala, Sweden
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 08:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife
I read somewhere that something like 97% of your Godless wasteland is made up of forests, and the remainder is mostly stagnant lakes. So might it be better to get them to post them on trees?
YiC
AW
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You are right, Mrs. Attila about this wasteland. But we happen to live on an area where is no forests, only fields. It makes us easier to aim when the half-swedish moomin monsters try to attack by night.
On our area there are 3 shopping centers, where is also noticeboards located, one is 82 miles south, another 30 miles west (that is near the very dangerous moomin-area) and the third one 77 miles northeast. My sons do that job easily.
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,677
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: A frictional country
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 09:40 PM
Excellent information, thank you.
However, I'm confused by the "male penis". Would that mean someone like Gerlinde has a female penis and/or is not a chronic masturbator?
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,419
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 10:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
If I get your permission, I'll print this and translate it to finnish language. My wife can use it when teaching my boys at home.
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Why not teach them English?
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 10:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
My wife can use it when teaching my boys at home.
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Marko, I don't know what "church" the eskimos attend, but your wife is there to breed and serve the family, sporadically, scold the children... but teaching the BOYS?
1 Timothy 2:12
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
PRAISE THE LORD!
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Forum Member
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Posts: 708
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Pajala, Sweden
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 10:41 PM
I thank you once again for guidance and sharing your wisdom. I feel myself so stupid: of course teaching in American language is the solution.
Circumstances here in the middle of nowhere have sometimes forced me to let my wife teach some simple things at home. Of course boys tell me if there has been some problems (when I get back to home) and we have then some "discussions" with my wife. Always remembering loving discipline.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-13-2014, 10:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
I thank you once again for guidance and sharing your wisdom. I feel myself so stupid: of course teaching in American language is the solution.
Circumstances here in the middle of nowhere have sometimes forced me to let my wife teach some simple things at home. Of course boys tell me if there has been some problems (when I get back to home) and we have then some "discussions" with my wife. Always remembering loving discipline.
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That's why we're here, to spread the word of GOD.
And I understand that we have to speak slowly and patiently with finnish eskimos, it reminds me of the times i spent preaching to your kin from helsinki to rovaniemi (I had heard the demon claus lived nearby).
Strangest place, I remember having to rebuke a negro mormon witchdoctor in kokkola, I never imagined there were such critters among the reindeers...
PRAISE THE LORD!
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Unsaved Trash, filthy obese repulsive godmocking pervert
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 106
Join Date: May 2014
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 12:14 AM
Wow. I came to this forum to honestly see if there were signs that my friends were masturbating.
Instead all I get is some right-wing extremist nonsense.
First off, you can't inject weed.
Second, saying "autism rules" isn't an "alternate religious belief," it's just plain offensive. Last I checked "autism rules" wasn't the slogan of any religion.
The brony I can see....
But the "devils flagpole" is impossible, because if a man had an erection that long, there would be some serious side-effects.
Lastly, having your hands in your pocket doesn't mean you're masturbating! What, is someone gonna be masturbating while they're talkin to ya???
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 12:18 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by disgusting filthy dirty hippie
Lastly, having your hands in your pocket doesn't mean you're masturbating! What, is someone gonna be masturbating while they're talkin to ya???
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You would be surprised at the level of depravity of some of the gayehz ...
Disgusting.
Thank GOD, they'll have it coming.
Jude 1:7
Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them, in like manner giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
PRAISE THE LORD!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 12:22 AM
Rest assured, The Lord knows about those holes in your pockets... If not for yourself, stop diddling for your kids.
Numbers 14:18 The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.
Look at the affliction this chronic fist pumper caused... I'm curious where the photographer told them to look?
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
Last edited by Freddy Osborne; 08-17-2014 at 01:38 PM.
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Unsaved trash, full-on pervert
Under Investigation
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Posts: 15
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Godless Finland
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 12:23 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by disgusting filthy dirty hippie
Wow. I came to this forum to honestly see if there were signs that my friends were masturbating.
Instead all I get is some right-wing extremist nonsense.
First off, you can't inject weed.
Second, saying "autism rules" isn't an "alternate religious belief," it's just plain offensive. Last I checked "autism rules" wasn't the slogan of any religion.
The brony I can see....
But the "devils flagpole" is impossible, because if a man had an erection that long, there would be some serious side-effects.
Lastly, having your hands in your pocket doesn't mean you're masturbating! What, is someone gonna be masturbating while they're talkin to ya???
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I agree but I must say that the picture was hilarious.
Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done
abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
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Unsaved Trash, filthy obese repulsive godmocking pervert
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 106
Join Date: May 2014
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 12:34 AM
To frednekk, what is wrong with this picture??
And if you were alluding that I masturbate, I do. Constantly. I find the process exciting, and besides, I gotta tiny tallywhacker!!
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Forum Member
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Posts: 708
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Location: Pajala, Sweden
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 08:16 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by see_the_light
That's why we're here, to spread the word of GOD.
And I understand that we have to speak slowly and patiently with finnish eskimos, it reminds me of the times i spent preaching to your kin from helsinki to rovaniemi (I had heard the demon claus lived nearby).
Strangest place, I remember having to rebuke a negro mormon witchdoctor in kokkola, I never imagined there were such critters among the reindeers...
PRAISE THE LORD!
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I praise the Lord because he has led me along the right path to find True Christians and this forum!!! His power and guidance is over all understanding: from the middle of all filthy things, there are in the Internet, He led me to this forum.
Do you mean Satan's Claus, which has it's rathole near Rovaniemi, on the arctic circle?
Kokkola (Karleby) is in the area where sveadish-speaking moomins live. So I am not a bit astonished, they have some creeping creatures living in that city.
Btw, I heard that one of our neighboroughs, the one that lives 8 miles from us, sewed his sons pants the way, that it is impossible put ones hands into trouser pockets. I assume they had some kind of masturbation problems. From this forum I learned that masturbation is homo sex, but I have always known that it is a sin anyway. I have video control in the toilet my family is allowed to use, so it is possible to watch that nobody does any harmful things there.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 01:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by disgusting filthy dirty hippie
To frednekk, what is wrong with this picture??
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. They are all blind or cross eyed.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 533
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 01:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by disgusting filthy dirty hippie
and besides, I gotta tiny tallywhacker!!
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Have you been participating in faggotry? How do you know it's tiny?
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)
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Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology) Victim of atheist scientific persecution
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Posts: 10,324
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: On a mission in Godless Europistan
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 02:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
From this forum I learned that masturbation is homo sex, but I have always known that it is a sin anyway. I have video control in the toilet my family is allowed to use, so it is possible to watch that nobody does any harmful things there.
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This issue of sodomy associated with self abuse is most important.
Leviticus 18:22 tells us that sodomy is a deadly sin. This is thus the case also for self gratification. Because of this it is crucial that our dear Sister has revealed how to spot one. Great mind for a woman!! THAT WAY WE CAN GUIDE THE SODOMIST AWAY FROM SATAN TO .
Unfortunately, this also means that an overwhelming majority of all men are sodomites. I'm afraid that self-abuse is close to 100% these days among teen boys turning them into homers. I am quite appaled that some people here take so lightly the fact that all these are going to hell UNLESS THEY REPENT. I would know. Been there during my yonder years. And we have not yet mentioned here that self abuse is also MURDER. COME, Rapture, come sweet Jesus. Amen.
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 02:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marko Loimaan-Aho
Do you mean Satan's Claus, which has it's rathole near Rovaniemi, on the arctic circle?
Kokkola (Karleby) is in the area where sveadish-speaking moomins live. So I am not a bit astonished, they have some creeping creatures living in that city.
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Yes, tried finding satan claus to kick him out rovaniemi but he was AWOL (even to him, -20c almost at noon was a tad too cold i was told).
PRAISE THE LORD!
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Posts: 708
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Location: Pajala, Sweden
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Re: Is Your Friend A Chronic Masterbator? Know The Signs -
05-14-2014, 02:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by see_the_light
Yes, tried finding satan claus to kick him out rovaniemi but he was AWOL (even to him, -20c almost at noon was a tad too cold i was told).
PRAISE THE LORD!
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Oh, so You were there at the summertime.
I am nothing to revise You, most honourable True Christian, but the more probable reason is, that Satan's Claus was drunk as a skunk. They all are back there in the Sami-Lapland, all the summer.
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