[Cranky Old Man]

Just when you think we are over the hippie plague that tortured our once proud America, all the drug addicts decide to follow a new cult: Hipsterism.

The sad thing is that there isn't even anything hip (new) about hipsters. Even though most hipsters are too stoned, too stupid or both to notice this, the term itself was invented during the 1940's jazz age. Some say it was a derivative of "hop", a slang term for opium, while others believe it comes from the West African word "hipi", which means "loves to have anal sex".

Hipster:


God clearly hates hipsters:

• All hipsters are omnisexual (have sex with men, women, children, animals and powertools), a clear violation of Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13 and Romans 1:26-27.
• All hipsters are lazy unwashed Obama voters, a clear violation of Romans 12:11, Proverbs 26:15 and Proverbs 12:24.
• All hipsters masturbate all the time, preferably on YouTube (more filth), a clear violation of Genesis 38:9-10, Matthew 5:28, 1st Corinthians 6:18-19 and 1st Corinthians 7:2.

Hipsters love crossdressing so they can have sex with anything:


Hipsters are destroying America! Innocent young children are seduced to leave the Church and worship Hipsterism instead. With a surprisingly ingenious 5 step program, all love for Jesus is eradicated and replaced by hate for God and anti-Americanism. There can be no doubt that Satan himself is using Hipsterism to fill Hell with lazy unwashed stoned hipsters!

From normal human to hipster:

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

I don't know what a hipster is, brother. Is that the same thing as a homosexual?

[Cranky Old Man]

Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins

I don't know what a hipster is, brother. Is that the same thing as a homosexual?

It's much much worse, brother. A hipster combines all the bad qualities of a homosexual, a hippie, a pedofile and an Obama voter!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

If you think that there is nothing wrong with the hipster deathstyle choice, ask yourself whether you want your sons to end up looking like this (ladies, please avert your eyes):

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man

It's much much worse, brother. A hipster combines all the bad qualities of a homosexual, a hippie, a pedofile and an Obama voter!

And don't forget the nasty belly button lint and poor hygiene from those who do nothing but live off of the government in filthy environments and refuse to bathe. That funky smell from those regions where the sun don't shine should easily serve as a stern warning of their presence.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

I'm told that most of these people aren't really "hipsters", they're just ironically pretending to be hipsters.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Virginia D. Templeton

I'm told that most of these people aren't really "hipsters", they're just ironically pretending to be hipsters.

Well, good, then maybe they can suffer in hell ironically.

Or maybe not.

[Elijah Mee, PhD]

Why don't they wash? Is it too mainstream for them?

Floppy haired fags.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

They wash, but they wash with sulfate-free local organic vegan soy soap that doesn't do a thing. Just makes them stink even worse.

I'm not one to talk, though. Just the other night I used some WWII-era soap that my father-in-law found while raiding Buchenwald. Talk about vintage! I have to say, I've never felt cleaner or more refreshed. I've got a few bars left, too, so let me know if you'd like to try it.

[CanadianDuck]

How can people live like this? They should be burned and tortured, please brothers and sisters, we should hunt them down like the Wiccans!

[Billy-Cross]

you know nothing of the demographic in which you speak of, fools. this land was created by god, he has asked us to harvest its resources for the greater good. marijuana is the true spread of gods word and through it men will turn into free thinking christians and not slaves of that high heeled mistress darwin.
tye-dye fabrics of neo-rainbow waves will cover the world like a warm blanket covers baby jesus. our agrarian landscapes and our flora and fauna will take on this blossom,

and the neo-hippies will run around in this new-age garden of eden in which god has planned.
save this natural environment. smoke it's natural herbs. god has asked it of you.
the hipsterism phase is the first of many converts into christianity, with there critical thinking ways they'll drop this trend of atheism and seek a branching path into something real and unknown, and with that comes DISCOVERY. SPREAD THE WORD!

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Billy-Cross

high heeled mistress

Have you been reading Jehovah's Witnesses' pamphlets?

[QueenArthur]

These hipsters trying to dress like Jesus now? Just goes to show they hate what they really wish they were. Didn't know what a hipster was until I typed into the google ,up came a bunch on men with breasts, thats not my type of woman.