[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Ladies of Landover, can I ask your advice?

As some of you know, my husband has 3 daughters by his first wife, who was called by Jesus some 13 years ago. The eldest girl, Faith, is 15 years old and ready to marry. I am not saying that 1 Corinthians 7:9 applies to her, but it is better to be safe than sorry.

Brother Benedict Davis is keen to remarry - though perhaps keen is overstating it. Let us say he is willing to remarry. He has been negotiating with Matthew about taking Faith off our hands, but is concerned that she is not well-versed in American ways.

I freely admit that he may have a point. I have done my best, and Faith is a good and obedient girl with excellent Bible knowledge, but her baking probably suffers from certain Europeon influences. And when Brother Benedict asked whether she could skin a buffalo, we had to say no. This is not a deliberate gap in her education; rather, we do not have buffalo in this part of Kent.

Tell me, is there anywhere in the Freehold area where Faith could spend perhaps 3 to 6 months, being trained up? We're looking for either a sort of finishing school, or a kind True Christian™ lady who would be prepared to take her in as a paying guest.

Yours in Faith,
Joanna

[Benedict A. Davis]

Sister Joanna,
I am glad to see you take your parenting duties so much to the fore. Trying to improve your childs education to be an American wife at the beginning of your husband's and my negotiations. He and I have a lot to iron out before we enter into this deal.
There is, of course the dowry, a joint business venture to cement our families futures and a line of inheritance if one of us should die before the rapture. Since that I technically have a son but have cast him out, my monies must be protected from him and his homersexual friends, these things take a bit of time to iron out. My current instructions is that everything I possess would go directly to the Church where Pastor Zeke has promised to put it to good work for the Lord.
May I point out that if you have the opportunity for her to learn how to field dress a buffalo please see it done. Unfortunately there is no open season on Bison any more, they are protected, but things do change. What I had spoke of is much easier, just a deer and field dressing is adequate as I like to have the game sectioned up by trained butchers.

YIC Benedict

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis

Sister Joanna,
I am glad to see you take your parenting duties so much to the fore. Trying to improve your childs education to be an American wife at the beginning of your husband's and my negotiations. He and I have a lot to iron out before we enter into this deal.

I'm sure this is the case, not that Matthew has discussed it with me. (Faith is not my child, by the way.) It is not my place to ask about financial arrangements.

(As an aside, I did overhear some talk about teeth. Rest assured that ALL the children have received the very finest dental care from an American dentist, who flies over three times a year for the sole purpose of treating our family. Toothwise, we could be mistaken for Americans. )

Originally Posted by Benedict A. Davis

May I point out that if you have the opportunity for her to learn how to field dress a buffalo please see it done. Unfortunately there is no open season on Bison any more, they are protected, but things do change. What I had spoke of is much easier, just a deer and field dressing is adequate as I like to have the game sectioned up by trained butchers.

I do apologize - what was I thinking? The later stages of pregnancy often make me a bit stupid. Field dressing a deer will be no problem at all - it's no different from gutting a freshly-shot rabbit, simply a matter of scale. I will contact the local deer control people in the morning and arrange for her to spend a day or two with them.

It seems that the only way she would learn about buffalos or bisons would be in the US, but if they are now protected then presumably she would have to learn on roadkill? Not ideal. They do have similar animals in the Scandi countries, I believe, but I have no intention of allowing any child (or even stepchild) of mine to go there.

I am optimistic that it is only a matter of time before you become my stepson-in-law.

With very best regards,
Joanna

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Dear Mrs. Vasey,

You are so dutiful and thorough in giving your daughter the best womanly education she can have before her marriage! She is truly blessed and you seem like a good living example of the Proverbs 31 woman!

YiC,
Elizabeth