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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Default Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 05:00 AM

How are you fellow Christians doing?
It's so nice to finally be able to connect with people that take my religion so seriously.

So... Just dropping by to say hello... Anyone want to talk to me?
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 05:06 AM

We sure do want to talk to you! Lets start by talking about God's True Word, the Holy Bible. Which verse or verses make your heart leap for Joy?


Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 05:31 AM

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Originally Posted by Divine Cactus View Post
...So... Just dropping by to say hello...
Four things asked for here, just four.

"Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus."

If you can't handle that simple task, how are you ever supposed to get the 630-ish things God demands in the Bible from His faithful followers right?


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 08:42 AM

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Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Four things asked for here, just four.

"Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus."

If you can't handle that simple task, how are you ever supposed to get the 630-ish things God demands in the Bible from His faithful followers right?
I beg your pardon, but isn't it three things being asked? Here is where you introduce yourself is more of a casual statement. Like 'here is a cafe' it's not telling you to eat (or drink).


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 09:11 AM

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Originally Posted by Steph Leia View Post
I beg your pardon, but isn't it three things being asked? Here is where you introduce yourself is more of a casual statement. Like 'here is a cafe' it's not telling you to eat (or drink).
No, it's asking for her name. You actually think her parents named her 'Divine Cactus'?


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 10:57 AM

Man, those would be some messed up parents. You give a girl a name like Divine Cactus, and you're pretty much guaranteeing that she's going to spend years and years rebelling against authority and acting out sexually.

I wonder how many times this one has had chlamydia?


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 02:49 PM

My favorite Bible verse is from James.

James 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

I like this because it is just so true
We have to carry out exactly what God tells us in the Holy Bible because it is the word. We must do exactly as He says or it would be a sin!

My church is the West Omaha Baptist Church. It is pretty much my second home.

I found Jesus in a terrible accident. I was not following Him very closely, but when I was inches from death in a terrible bicycling accident I saw His face. And He saved me. This is how I found Jesus.
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 03:23 PM

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I was inches from death in a terrible bicycling accident
Not surprised, considering what Jesus thinks of Bicycles. And cycling.


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 05:13 PM

I've never ridden a bike since and I continually advocate against it.

Anything else you guys want to talk about?
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 05:35 PM

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Anything else you guys want to talk about?
Heaven!

What will it be like, do you think? What will I do when I first see face to face? Will I fall to my knees? Will I stand there with my mouth agape?





If I fall to my knees and kiss His divine feet, how long should I remain down there? What if He gets annoyed and wants to go greet someone else who just died, but He can't because I'm in the way? What if He stumbles over me because I'm too clumsy to move fast enough? What if, oh god, what if I'm so nervous about Him tripping over me that I get up too soon and He doesn't think I really do appreciate His temporary death for the sake of my Salvation? Oh how awful that would be! I would die of embarrassment, but I couldn't die in Heaven, so I guess I'd maybe hide in my mansion or something? But then, I couldn't come out to sing His praises, and would He think I was ignoring Him if He didn't see my face? What would He think of me if He never saw me in Heaven because I would be too embarrassed to show myself ever? He might think I was just using Him for a free ride to Eternal Glory, but I WOULD NEVER! I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH! I would NEVER take advantage of Him! I should probably stay down at His feet until He tells me to get up, or maybe He would place his hand gently on my back to let me know He'd had enough. Or maybe I should follow Him so every time He stops walking I could jump down to His feet and kiss them and wash them with my tears! Yes! That's what I'll do! O Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 06:03 PM

You are amazing. I adore your love for Jesus!
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 06:34 PM

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You are amazing. I adore your love for Jesus!
Yes, you are right! There are many things about Sister Mary that would amaze you.


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 07:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
What if He gets annoyed and wants to go greet someone else who just died, but He can't because I'm in the way? What if He stumbles over me because I'm too clumsy to move fast enough?
You don't have to worry about this part, because He is omnipotent and omnipresent. As such, it would be impossible for Him to stumble over you unless He wanted to.

More to the point, a stumbling over you situation would not arise, because His omnipresence would allow Him to stand there patiently humoring you for as long as you felt the need to grovel at His feet, and He could simultaneously be elsewhere, greeting other new arrivals to Heaven.

Isn't God wonderful!


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 08:09 PM

I'm glad you posted your fears here, Sister Mary-E, because so many of us share them. Especially the women.

A beloved pastor told me not to worry my head about any of it, because when the time comes Jesus will make sure that we know exactly what to do. He will not even need to tell us - we will just know.

Please, please, dearest Sister, do not let this distress you.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

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All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 08:56 PM

Also, I suppose I haven't fully introduced myself. A once resident of Minnesota, I live in Omaha now. My name is David Paulson and I am 63 years of age.
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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 11:52 PM

Welcome, David - cautiously.

Mother and Father stated that young women should not ride bicycles since it could possibly cause injury to my special private places that are not meant to be manipulated except by my husband once we have proclaimed our eternal love for one another in the bonds of matrimony. To have ones maidenhood devastated by a Schwinn or Huffy was more than dear Mother could bear, so she made me promise never to mount such an object.

I shall be praying for you as soon as I've added you to my electronic prayer list. I look forward to learning more about you as we praise God together.

NRL


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Default Re: Divine Cactus says hello! - 07-29-2014, 11:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Heaven!

What will it be like, do you think? What will I do when I first see face to face? Will I fall to my knees? Will I stand there with my mouth agape? I would die of embarrassment, but I couldn't die in Heaven, so I guess I'd maybe hide in my mansion or something? But then, I couldn't come out to sing His praises, and would He think I was ignoring Him if He didn't see my face? What would He think of me if He never saw me in Heaven because I would be too embarrassed to show myself ever? He might think I was just using Him for a free ride to Eternal Glory, but I WOULD NEVER! I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH! I would NEVER take advantage of Him! I should probably stay down at His feet until He tells me to get up, or maybe He would place his hand gently on my back to let me know He'd had enough. Or maybe I should follow Him so every time He stops walking I could jump down to His feet and kiss them and wash them with my tears! Yes! That's what I'll do! O Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!
Darling Mary,

Have you had your hormones checked recently? You seem all in a tizzy. While I completely understand that the prospect of being face to face with the Glorified Savior creates waves of excitement throughout my soul, I believe your fears might be fueled by either a lack of or an overabundance of something in your system. I'm sure you don't smoke crack, so it must be estrogen.

Had you taken any cough medicine prior to your response? Do you show any signs of scurvy?

Praying,
NRL


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
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