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Question Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 02:44 AM

My sister in law (I have never bothered to remember her name) and her husband Zebedee, to my dismay, arrived at the Hammer compound unannounced and uninvited today, presumably to freeload for the weekend, and to stuff their and their 12 childrens' gullets with a fine Thanksgiving meal that they have no entitlement to.

Anyhow, in a pathetic attempt to pacify my wrath, old whats-her-name presented me with a foul-looking beaver that stank strongly of the beach at low tide. Zebedee, she claimed, had taxidermied the evil thing himself...but she took full credit for shooting the beaver.

I bent in to get a closer look at the beaver, taking shallow breaths through my mouth so as to minimize the impact of the vile odor wafting up from it.

It's eyes were a pale milky blue, and they protruded from the sockets as if under massive pressure, threatening to burst. The mouth was agape, it's vicious incisors held firmly apart by the death-bloat of it's tongue...and it seemed to move, almost imperceptibly, but surely....as if a legion of maggots roiled about within...

Disgustedly, I withdrew my face from the beaver. I glared at her. "Did Zeb even bother to remove the guts?", I interrogated.

Her response was the vacant, confused look common to all women.

But getting back to the point: I am wondering if I should council Zeb to strike his wife multiple times for this offence. The woman is not entirely responsible for the wretched state of her grizzled beaver, that is Zeb's cross to bear...I am more concerned that she had the cheek to shoot that beaver in the first place!

Don't get me wrong, beavers need to be dominated and subdued just as badly as any other arrogant, feral beast, but when a lowly women takes it upon herself to do the deed, is it not an ursurption of Man's authority?
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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 03:01 AM

The Lord makes it very clear that a woman's place is INSIDE OF HER HOME, and what specifically they are allowed to do unless given permission by the husband.

Titus 2:3-5
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.


You, personally, should do the smacking yourself. Smack her for doing a man's job, and deal with him for not following the word of Christ and keeping his wife inside where she belongs in the first place.

You are permitted by Jeremiah 48:10 to do what you feel you should do about the situation.
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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 03:35 AM

Why is a woman handling a firearm to begin with? She might shoot herself, or something valuable! She might even drop it and break the stock. Oh, heaven help her if she breaks that stock!

I'm so riled up that I'm going to go slap the fist house staff I see.


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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 05:32 AM

Hello, this is Mr. Johnson here (I was monitoring my wife and saw this, so I had to comment, and I kicked her out of the room). That being said, that woman is an uppity feminazi! She is taking credit for what should be her husband or father's; it was her husband or father who taught her how to shoot! Thus she is trying to take an man's place, as a woman's, as my wife has already well-learned, is behind and beneath her man, in every way shape and form! When I have an uppity woman in the congregation, trying to usurp man's control, I call her publicly out on it, and then give her a good spanking with my leather KJV Bible, and remonstrate her husband for not controlling her better. Then I also give all the other women in church a milder spanking as well, just as a reminder to them of their place. Thus, I make an example out of her behavior. It won't hurt her, rather help her, and will also teach the other empty-headed females a lesson.

Yours in Christ,
Mr. Johnson


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 05:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson View Post
Then I also give all the other women in church a milder spanking as well, just as a reminder to them of their place. Thus, I make an example out of her behavior.
What a wonderful idea, Mr. Johnson. I believe I'll start this practice with my house staff beginning tonight. Heck, I may even take it a step farther and utilize maintenance spankings in the morning and preemptive spankings after lunch.

By the way, a caning counts as a spanking, right? I always thought of 'spanking' as a sort of catch-all umbrella term that included kneeling on dry rice or gravel, alligator clamps, bit, bridle, & coach whip while plowing a field, crops, quirts, cats, floggers, razor straps, metal studded paddles, cattle prods, violet wands, shock collars, etc.


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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 07:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Des View Post
What a wonderful idea, Mr. Johnson. I believe I'll start this practice with my house staff beginning tonight. Heck, I may even take it a step farther and utilize maintenance spankings in the morning and preemptive spankings after lunch.

By the way, a caning counts as a spanking, right? I always thought of 'spanking' as a sort of catch-all umbrella term that included kneeling on dry rice or gravel, alligator clamps, bit, bridle, & coach whip while plowing a field, crops, quirts, cats, floggers, razor straps, metal studded paddles, cattle prods, violet wands, shock collars, etc.
I agree, brother..."spanking" does indeed have broad implications.



I detest Zeb, but I think I'll buy him a pair this Christmas.
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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 07:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Des View Post
What a wonderful idea, Mr. Johnson. I believe I'll start this practice with my house staff beginning tonight. Heck, I may even take it a step farther and utilize maintenance spankings in the morning and preemptive spankings after lunch.

By the way, a caning counts as a spanking, right? I always thought of 'spanking' as a sort of catch-all umbrella term that included kneeling on dry rice or gravel, alligator clamps, bit, bridle, & coach whip while plowing a field, crops, quirts, cats, floggers, razor straps, metal studded paddles, cattle prods, violet wands, shock collars, etc.
Mr. Johnson again; don't worry, my wife won't ever be in these forums without my permission. A caning is a spanking. Generally, a discipline spanking includes 100 swats with my hand, followed by 100 with a cane, then a time out (bent over, all clothing off), followed by 75 with a paddle, and then 25 with my riding crop. A maintance spanking (she gets one every morning) is just 50 with the paddle. Thus, whenever she sits, she knows that I love her, own her, and will lead her to heaven. So far, she's been behaving herself and we haven't had any more than one incident where she burned the bread, but if there are more than two a week, I'll consider spanking her after lunch, maybe a few swats with my riding crop will keep her on her toes.


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Default Re: Shooting Beaver: Unladylike? - 11-27-2014, 06:53 PM

Beavers are difficult to stuff for a man. Women should never ever be allowed to stuff beavers. They have a tendency to split and ooze.



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