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Default I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-03-2017, 08:45 PM

Polly has always been a fine negress maid, nice and plump, and strong for a woman.

But I've been noticing she's been getting sloppy on occasion. The other day, I came home into my den, after a long day of getting my ATV out of the gulch, when I slipped on the freshly waxed hardwood floor. Polly ALWAYS waxes at the crack of dawn, never leaving it at 4 pm. What possessed her to do it when she KNEW I'd be walking through that back door any moment?

As much as I wish to give her a good whipping and discipline, I can't help but feel this was a malicious, and not so veiled attempt to off me. What's gotten into her? This isn't the first offense either. Last week, when I sat to watch the 700 Club and drink my beer, there was a peculiar after-taste, and I noticed she did not open it in front of me, but at her own whim behind-the-scenes. Needless to mention, I went to bed with sudden cramps, and unusual gastronomical activity.

I'm tender on the matter. As much as I wish to see her treacherous butt hauled off to the clink, Polly is remarkably cheap. Perhaps there is a good negro servant recommendation within the tight Landover directory?


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-03-2017, 10:44 PM

There is a good way to figure this out but first off I must ask, when she last made you a pie did it taste pretty funny? Did she ever admit to pooping in a pie she made for you?
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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-03-2017, 11:28 PM

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Originally Posted by Bubba Buck View Post
There is a good way to figure this out but first off I must ask, when she last made you a pie did it taste pretty funny? Did she ever admit to pooping in a pie she made for you?

Polly knows better than to admit to something like that. Imagine how that would go, something "Yus massah Jim, suh, Polly done gone a biggggg, smelly mud-monkey right in yo' pie. Hab mercy on me, suh."

Which would go against my training of her to say only "Yes suh" and "No suh" and occasionly, "Permission to massage yo' feet, massah Jim."

Polly really adores me, and it's a puzzle as to whats causing her to act up.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-04-2017, 01:34 AM

As a self sufficient man, I don't ever employ maids, much less those who are Nigra. One movie that has me suspicious about your maid is called "The Help" which I can't HELP but feel has empowered your maid to do exactly this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD9Ua7FuzyA


[video]DD9Ua7FuzyA[/video]
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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-04-2017, 03:23 AM

There is something to be said for making the switch to Asian domestic workers. Coming from poor countries, they haven't been poisoned by the fake media into thinking that there is enough wealth to be shared by everyone regardless of color. Therefore, they are apt to be extremely grateful for any resources and less likely to get ideas above their station.

They may not be as strong and husky as women of Polly's sort, but they eat so little that you can have two on hand to do the heavy lifting together.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-04-2017, 03:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba Buck View Post
As a self sufficient man, I don't ever employ maids, much less those who are Nigra. One movie that has me suspicious about your maid is called "The Help" which I can't HELP but feel has empowered your maid to do exactly this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD9Ua7FuzyA


[video]DD9Ua7FuzyA[/video]
That video Buck, how can anyone eat turd pie and think it could possibly taste good??



I'm a sufficient man myself, and could technically do all the menial labour she does in one evening, but there's nothing like a getting a foot massage from someone who isn't yourself.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-04-2017, 03:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
There is something to be said for making the switch to Asian domestic workers. Coming from poor countries, they haven't been poisoned by the fake media into thinking that there is enough wealth to be shared by everyone regardless of color. Therefore, they are apt to be extremely grateful for any resources and less likely to get ideas above their station.

They may not be as strong and husky as women of Polly's sort, but they eat so little that you can have two on hand to do the heavy lifting together.
Perfect, Asians work fast, without the sass. The nigra in this country has been spoiled to the point of insolence, ruined goods really. I could use a Southeast Asian houseboy around the place.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-05-2017, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
Perfect, Asians work fast, without the sass. The nigra in this country has been spoiled to the point of insolence, ruined goods really. I could use a Southeast Asian houseboy around the place.
Our very own Pastor Zeke leans that same way. So you know it's a great way to go.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-05-2017, 06:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
As much as I wish to give her a good whipping and discipline, I can't help but feel this was a malicious, and not so veiled attempt to off me. What's gotten into her? This isn't the first offense either. Last week, when I sat to watch the 700 Club and drink my beer, there was a peculiar after-taste, and I noticed she did not open it in front of me, but at her own whim behind-the-scenes. Needless to mention, I went to bed with sudden cramps, and unusual gastronomical activity.
Welcome back after your unexplained absence, Mr Lombardo.

I'm sure that the first thoughts of all the True Christians here immediately fell to Kings 2 in which Elijah faced with a pot of poisoned herbs simply used faith and flour:

2Ki:4:38: And Elisha came again to Gilgal: and there was a dearth in the land; and the sons of the prophets were sitting before him: and he said unto his servant, Set on the great pot, and seethe pottage for the sons of the prophets.
2Ki:4:39: And one went out into the field to gather herbs, and found a wild vine, and gathered thereof wild gourds his lap full, and came and shred them into the pot of pottage: for they knew them not.
2Ki:4:40: So they poured out for the men to eat. And it came to pass, as they were eating of the pottage, that they cried out, and said, O thou man of God, there is death in the pot. And they could not eat thereof.
2Ki:4:41: But he said, Then bring meal. And he cast it into the pot; and he said, Pour out for the people, that they may eat. And there was no harm in the pot.


As you see this is repeated in

Mark 16:17-1817 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.


No True Christian has ever been poisoned - and that is a verifiable fact.

Two points therefore arise:
(i) God's protection extends to you
(ii) As your maid is a Nigress, she will have a variety of children by various Bucks - I suggest you take on one of these as your food-taster - she will not poison her own.

In the unlikely event of poison getting through to you, call Landover and someone will come round and lay hands on you.




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-05-2017, 06:59 PM

Sorry. When I read this I thought you meant that your mind was trying to kill you. I realize that I was mistaken. Please continue.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-06-2017, 03:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Welcome back after your unexplained absence, Mr Lombardo.

I'm sure that the first thoughts of all the True Christians here immediately fell to Kings 2 in which Elijah faced with a pot of poisoned herbs simply used faith and flour:

2Ki:4:38: And Elisha came again to Gilgal: and there was a dearth in the land; and the sons of the prophets were sitting before him: and he said unto his servant, Set on the great pot, and seethe pottage for the sons of the prophets.
2Ki:4:39: And one went out into the field to gather herbs, and found a wild vine, and gathered thereof wild gourds his lap full, and came and shred them into the pot of pottage: for they knew them not.
2Ki:4:40: So they poured out for the men to eat. And it came to pass, as they were eating of the pottage, that they cried out, and said, O thou man of God, there is death in the pot. And they could not eat thereof.
2Ki:4:41: But he said, Then bring meal. And he cast it into the pot; and he said, Pour out for the people, that they may eat. And there was no harm in the pot.


As you see this is repeated in

Mark 16:17-1817 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.


No True Christian has ever been poisoned - and that is a verifiable fact.

Two points therefore arise:
(i) God's protection extends to you
(ii) As your maid is a Nigress, she will have a variety of children by various Bucks - I suggest you take on one of these as your food-taster - she will not poison her own.

In the unlikely event of poison getting through to you, call Landover and someone will come round and lay hands on you.

Thank you Brother Bathfire for your kind assurance and Bible quotes that help put my mind at ease. Whenever I have bouts of silence from the Landover community, it is most likely I'm engaged in active service wherever President Trump deems necessary for troops to invade protect-and-serve for the superior advancement of Making America Great.

No my mind isn't killing me Nobar, thankfully not now that Jesus has shown me that faith makes me nigh-immune to salacious attempts of murder by my domestics.

Yes, putting Polly's niglets to cupbearing service seems like best action at this point.


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Jesus Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-06-2017, 09:04 AM

Keep your eye on them. I mean, the domestics.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-10-2017, 04:48 PM

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Originally Posted by Jim C. Lombardo View Post
Perfect, Asians work fast, without the sass. The nigra in this country has been spoiled to the point of insolence, ruined goods really. I could use a Southeast Asian houseboy around the place.

I can set you up with an excellent placement agent. He's a little on the skittish side, having grown up under Commie rule and all, so he might frisk you and have one of his employees scan you for bugs, but he can procure quality help to your specifications. Assuming of course that your specifications are Ukrainian, Chinese, Cambodian, or Korean. The Koreans cost more, though.


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 10-12-2017, 01:34 AM

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I can set you up with an excellent placement agent. He's a little on the skittish side, having grown up under Commie rule and all, so he might frisk you and have one of his employees scan you for bugs, but he can procure quality help to your specifications. Assuming of course that your specifications are Ukrainian, Chinese, Cambodian, or Korean. The Koreans cost more, though.
Hmm, its tempting Des, but will he raid my cigar stash?


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Default Re: I think my maid is trying to kill me! - 02-02-2018, 11:48 AM

If you're concerned about cigars, although Java produces them when travelling through there none of the locals know what a cigar actually is. They all smoke those clove things, not too unpleasant smelling really but they'd probably make me vomit if I lit one up! so an Indonesian could be a safe bet.
On the other hand, they will pay thousands dollar for their own sea passage on a fishing boat and frequently drown. If they've got that much money I don't know why they don't just buy a cheap package holiday and "miss" the flight home but they'd rather draw attention to themselves for some reason. So maybe not the mentality you want around anywhere you have to live. Otherwise Korea is by far the best place to visit. They have sewerage. Something to consider.
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